How to 'get rid' of an ex-friend?

Mupette

Tell all your friends who are connected with her that you don't want anything to do with her anymore, make sure they know why first, then if she wants to play drama queen the egg will be on her face.

I've got a [STRIKE]friend[/STRIKE] someone i used to know well, who only rings when she wants something... i took the descision not to ring or make contact after realising i was the only one running around after her

Toothfairy4

Thanks everyone, it is really good to hear that other have had to do this before. I have deletd her off facebook, BBM etc and if she trys to contact me she will get one message back explaining everything and that will be that, no more contact!

[Deleted User]

Im in a situation where i want to drop a friend but its a bit more complicated. Shes a friend of a friend too and we all work together. Shes made arrangements to meet up with us then dropped us just like that for her boyfriend, basically played me and other friend off against eachother by letting one of us know shes not turning up even though we rearranged our weekend for her. when i had relationship problems she just told me to get over it and move on. Fast forward to this year and her fella dropped her, i suspect because she wouldnt leave him alone, constantly stalking him (she over 40 and acted like a teenager). Anyway we all 3 go away each year and the other friend wanted to do the same as me but because other friends been dumped she got her own way and were going where she wants to. Even arrange the holiday and booked it without consulting me and now im paying to go somewhere where frankly ide rather not go and she got the hump because shed arranged a girls nite in and i turned it down because im not being at her beck and call. Anyway ive met a smashing fella and told her so (like she used to when her relationship was going well) i didnt to rub it in and she asked what i did at the weekend so i told her, then she just stood there and said actually i dont want to know and then walked off. Now im stuck with aweeks holiday i dont want to go on (BTW when we went away before she took over and it wasnt exactly my idea of a relaxing time) but dont want to let my other friend down, whos great. What would others do????

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd not pay her a penny and tell her to fork off. Seriously; why do some people let other people walk all over them like that?

molly_money_mandy

Im right there with you, its so easy to know what the right thing to do is, and to advise ppl how to do it - but being in that position myself i know how hard it is. Its not that i give two hoots about the 'friend' in question, more so the repercussions of putting the mutal friends in a difficult position. Its inevitable we will meet again at social events, bdays etc and THATS what bothers me.
My mum died a year ago in March, the 'friend' in question went travelling the week after it all happened after discovering her bf of 10years had cheated on her. I allowed her to stay in my house for a month before everything happened to sort her situation out and told her we thought my mum had had a stroke (turned out she had brain cancer actually). I gave her HOURS of friendly shoulder to cry on, and when i was in panick mode about my mum, i think i got a total of 5mins before we were bk talking about her ex again. Anyway, she left, and now shes back (ive only had round robin emails from her, i quote "Dont worry if you dont get emails for a while, im just having way too much fun!").Nothing over the funeral, bdays, xmas, etc. Now shes back she wants to see me and is completely oblivious to just what hell we've been through (we lost my gran, my grand-father and uncle in the same 2months, and then my sisters boyfriends dad was killed in a car accident on xmas eve. And im not making this up to make it sound worse that it was!!!)

I have done a hell of a lot of growing up recently and have realised just how short life is and can NOT be bothered with self-absorbed idiots. But im fustrated I STILL cant bring myself to just 'delete' her. i havent had the balls to reply to her messages, like ToothFairy4 i dont want to be the baddy in all this (as i have distanced myself from quite a few ppl this year - simply because you see who's amazing and who is just SH*T over big events in life).

Good on all of you who have had the gumption to just do it. Hopefully it will come to me sooner rather than waiting for the next big event until i take that leap and stop caring what others will think xxx

Toothfairy4

Hi everyone, update for anyone who was kind enough to give me advice earlier in the thread Had one text from her asking why i deleted her off facebook etc, another saying she didn't get why she'd been ditched and how awful i was etc etc. Didn't reply to either of them.

Has been trying to make life difficult for 'R' who still lives near her, bad mouthing her to mutual friends etc who have all realised that there is a very good reason no one likes her. Have also heard through the grapevine that she is about to get let go from her job for her constant absences which are costing the company money as she works in quite a responsible position (i used to work there before she did).

I feel a million times better not having to worry about her ruining things anymore

I love how karma comes back to bite these horrible people in the a$$!!

trekgirl

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

I went to school with a group of girls we were quite close in that intense way teenage girls can be. After school one went to America, one to south africa, I was in Manchester (!) and one went to London and one to Canada.


we kept in touch by email etc but the friendships faded a bit with distance. After we all graduated from Uni they all ended up in London apart from me. They rekindled their friendship and I understood that distance meant I could not be a part of things but thought we still had mutual affection. A couple of years down the line I had a young child, was in an abusive relationship and was very unhappy . I did not tell them all the details but I rang two of the girls for support occasionally as I am not very outgoing and did not have any other close friends.

One of them invited me to her hen party in london (with a gift list). I came down even though I was broke and tried to celebrate her happy day with her. She had a destination wedding and did not invite me. I would not have been able to afford it but I was not even asked. We all have extended family there and I could have been there visiting family for all I knew but was not invited. Same thing again with Girl number 2 - got engaged, had a hen party (with gift list) destination wedding & not invited. I have tried to keep in touch but my calls are not returned etc. One of them removed me from facebook.

I am resigned to the fact that they don't want me in their lives. Maybe they got sick of me moaning about my sad situation (I eventually left that relationship and am very happy now). Maybe the fact that they were quite rich and working in the City meant they felt like I was not part of their world. Who knows. Sometimes it still hurts when I think about them and try to work out what happened.

Maybe I was like the girl in your story, maybe I was obnoxious or something and did not even realise it. If you do not point it out she might never know. So I will try and form new friendships but will I just find myself cut off again for whatever 'mysterious reason'.

I think you should be frank with her. Perhaps an email is better because it gives you a chance to say exactly what you mean and not be 'thrown' by her responses. Then she will be aware of her faults. You might think its obvious. Maybe my former friends think its 'obvious' too but I am still clueless and I might drive away a new group of friends with whatever caused the others to cut me off.

zoesmummy_2006

i have a friend like this, it's all about how bad her life is, how she's soooo ill, how they're going here and there and what theyve done/bought/seen/got etc etc.

when my husband walked out almost 2 years ago, she was nowhere to be seen, the most devastating time of my life-but believe me i found out who my real friends were. Ive perservered with the kinda friendship cos we have girls close in age and i adore her kids and her hubby, but she's just become very materialistic and quite snooty. last year for her dd's birthday party i caught 2 buses to her village which is out of the way to go to the party for her dd, which i was more than happy to do. she then didnt reply or show to my birthday night out for my 30th, the final straw for me was my dd's birthday a while back when she 'forgot' the day!! i got a text later that night saying she was really sorry but she thought it was the following day, and that he dd was really cross with her for making her miss it (guilt tripping me dont work anymore lol).

she then promised to come up with her girls one night in the week, we arranged the night and said see you then. the night comes-no sign!!! not even a text to say sorry cant make it tonight, can we rearrange? at almost 8pm her hubby turned up with dd's bday present from them and dropped it off on his way out! i was fuming-i dont care if she cant make time for me anymore, but when ive told my dd that her friend is coming to see her with her present cos they missed the party (that everyone else invited made it to!) then im no longer interested!

my best mate was really really close mates with her, but even she's had enough now, time and again she'll text me saying she's done this or that, is always making her feel like a crap friend. she didnt come out for my 30th last year, and its my best mates in couple weeks-really hoping she doesnt come out for that, as last time she came out with us her whole demeanor spoilt the night.

tbh, i just ignore her now, she cant be bothered with us who are 'beneath' her, so i cant be bothered with her! its a shame really cos if her hubby was to ever leave her (which has almost happened before apparently) she'll suddenly realise that she alienated all her friends and has no-one!

make_me_wise

:eek::eek::eek:

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh she makes my MIL seem almost human. Jesus Christ do yourself a massive favour and dump the crazy mare. Dont go worrying about doing it politely either. She sounds absolutely abhorrent.

I take it you are hoping to enjoy your hen weekend and wedding? In which case 'get rid' now so there is no chance of her coming along thinking she must be invited.

j.e.j.

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

Hi everyone, update for anyone who was kind enough to give me advice earlier in the thread Had one text from her asking why i deleted her off facebook etc, another saying she didn't get why she'd been ditched and how awful i was etc etc. Didn't reply to either of them.

Has been trying to make life difficult for 'R' who still lives near her, bad mouthing her to mutual friends etc who have all realised that there is a very good reason no one likes her. Have also heard through the grapevine that she is about to get let go from her job for her constant absences which are costing the company money as she works in quite a responsible position (i used to work there before she did).

I feel a million times better not having to worry about her ruining things anymore

:T:T:T

Ditch your toxics, as the saying goes. Life's too short!

Not an easy thing to do, though, - people like that tend to be very thick-skinned and it can be hard to say no to them.