Disciplining a child

shellsuit

What did you shout at her for?

scooby088

I shouted because she was being defiant and back chatting her mother, i have spoken to my girlfriend and we have come to an understanding and way of going about it in the future. My girlfriend has been single parent all of her DD's life so is rather over protective of anyone else disciplining her daughter, which i can understand, and i have apologise for shouting at DD and now when i speak and ask her to do something she does it without questioning.

ladymarmalade1970

scooby088 wrote: »

I shouted because she was being defiant and back chatting her mother, i have spoken to my girlfriend and we have come to an understanding and way of going about it in the future. My girlfriend has been single parent all of her DD's life so is rather over protective of anyone else disciplining her daughter, which i can understand, and i have apologise for shouting at DD and now when i speak and ask her to do something she does it without questioning.

I was a single parent for a huge part of my children's life and also would not like my partner of 5 years shouting at my children even though i shout myself. Hypocritical, yes of course but i just can't help it. If he has an issue with them he tells them what the issue is and they try to do what he says. He is a calm person though and they have great respect for him. I can't imagine how easy it would be if you were anything like me.
Saying that, i have a step daughter who i looked after lots for years. She would stay with me every school holiday and i only ever remember shouting at her once.

meritaten

If I shouted at my kids or my grandkids - they know they have reached the end of my tether! they have stepped over the line! I usually only do this if they are endangering themselves or others - but have to admit I am NOT perfect and if they are deliberately naughty I have been known to shout! Better than spanking them (which I have been tempted to do)! my grandson has Aspergers and ADHD and my granddaughter has ADD suspected Aspergers - they are challenging to say the least! I DONT hit (I had enough of that when I was a child) and try to use the naughty step, consequences approach - but when you find that someone has just destroyed your treasured possesion for no reason - or written with permanent pen on your newly wallpapered walls - you cannot help shouting! and maybe thats a good thing - makes them realise that some things matter to other people and they get upset when they destroy them. after all - they cant have excuses made for them ALL their lives!

ska_lover

Step parents always have to tread carefully with disclipline, resentments can build up with the kids, the biological parents etc.

Shouting at a nine year old girl is intimidating to her, it is a loss of control.You and the mother do need to come to an agreement with regards to disclipline.

Threatening the mother 'theres the door if you dont like it' is going to make her feel insecure in your relationship.

You shout at her kids, you threaten to kick your missus out when you arent getting your own way (and she will not forget this), you have a lot of growing up of your own to do, I would say.

---

As for the post above, re shouting at grandkids! I would be furious if my parents took it upon themselves to disclipline my child (especially if they had diagnosed medical conditions which may explain some of the behaviour?) and started shouting at them or were tempted to spank them! Oh dear.. If my parents behaved so inappropriately they would see very little of their grandkids.

Children cannot have excuses made for them all of their lives no, but they should be allowed to be children while they still are.There is such a thing of sapping the joy out of childhood you know - and kids remember these things as they grow - I know I do.

meritaten

ska_lover wrote: »

Step parents always have to tread carefully with disclipline, resentments can build up with the kids, the biological parents etc.

Shouting at a nine year old girl is intimidating to her, it is a loss of control.You and the mother do need to come to an agreement with regards to disclipline.

Threatening the mother 'theres the door if you dont like it' is going to make her feel insecure in your relationship.

You shout at her kids, you threaten to kick your missus out when you arent getting your own way (and she will not forget this), you have a lot of growing up of your own to do, I would say.


As for the post above, re shouting at grandkids! I am amazed that your grandkids WANT to come and visit, I would be highly upset if my parents took it upon themselves to disclipline my child and started shouting at them or were tempted to spank them! Oh dear.. If my parents behaved so inappropriately they would see very little of their grandkids.Your grandchildren have diagnosed medical conditions, maybe some leeway could be allowed for this as they 'may not' be being deliberately naughty?

Children cannot have excuses made for them all of their lives no, but they should be allowed to be children while they still are.There is such a thing of sapping the joy out of childhood you know - and kids remember these things as they grow.

My grandkids ASK to sleepover more often than I can accomodate them. They know I love them. they also know that if they misbehave then they have consequenses. I dont shout at them unless they have stepped over the boundaries - and being Aspergers or ADHD or ADD is no excuse - they KNOW the boundaries! thats NOT writing on walls or destroying my china!
- I provide paper and pens, pencils, crayons, paints etc...... my grandkids cook with me and do crafts with me and I Know what they are capable of - and I love them dearly and wouldnt hurt them - they know this, so when they do misbehave and are shouted at - they are usually upset and we work out why and they apologise and are forgiven.

tomandgary

i think its fine for a parent to shout at a child on a rare occasian, but not a step parent....

when i was younger my step father abused me, many people have said its why i am gay now but i couldnt be happier with my partner gary.

ailuro2

Your house your rules, eh?

But if your GF and her DD live there then surely it's THEIR rules too?:p

Sounds like you think you've got it sorted out. Hope it works out for you all.;)

ska_lover

meritaten wrote: »

My grandkids ASK to sleepover more often than I can accomodate them. They know I love them. they also know that if they misbehave then they have consequenses. I dont shout at them unless they have stepped over the boundaries - and being Aspergers or ADHD or ADD is no excuse - they KNOW the boundaries! thats NOT writing on walls or destroying my china!
- I provide paper and pens, pencils, crayons, paints etc...... my grandkids cook with me and do crafts with me and I Know what they are capable of - and I love them dearly and wouldnt hurt them - they know this, so when they do misbehave and are shouted at - they are usually upset and we work out why and they apologise and are forgiven.

Every family has different rules, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone here. Im just saying it would work for me. I do realise it isn't easy looking after children.