daughter's marriage in trouble

Newly_retired

Today I had the phone call I have been dreading. My daughter rang to say she is seriously considering leaving her husband. I don't want to go into her details.
If the next call is for financial help, I honestly don't know how I shall react. I have money, which will eventually come to her, but am reluctant to facilitate her move.

Mrs_Arcanum

Firstly if no children are involved finance should be a non starter. Otherwise just give all the love and support you can for as short a period as needed.

Sublime_2

When she next calls just be there for her. Its a life-changing event she's going through, and she will need you to be there for her. Who else better to turn to than your mother when your world has fallen apart.

It might not be financial support she needs. Just a shoulder to cry on, when there isn't anyone else to turn to.

Newly_retired

Yes, I will always be there for her, of course. But actually I feel more sympathy for her husband at the moment. He is devastated.
There are children involved.

Oldernotwiser

You have no need to give her any money, particularly if you don't agree with her actions.

Sublime_2

There are often children involved in a break-up. Its so much easier when there isn't. The practicalities will need to be sorted out, such as who is moving out, etc.

Newly_retired

Hardly slept last night after she rang. She seems intent on going ahead with her plan to move out and rent with the children, but at least she and her husband are talking about it.
She has not mentioned money and as far as I can tell she is budgeting sensibly on her salary till the house is sold. I cannot bear to think about that as it is a lovely house and garden. They have both worked so hard to achieve this. I know a marriage is more than house and garden, of course, but I do not understand what she is hoping to gain.
Life wll be so much harder for them all.
I am just so so sad.

Angela_D_3

but I do not understand what she is hoping to gain

Happiness, inner peace, a new man who loves her ?
You seem more worried about the house and garden, what about your daughter and grandchildren's mental health ? Nobody leaves their children's father lightly in fact most women put up with all sorts of nonsense to avoid the disruption.

tanith

The house and garden should be the least of your worries they don't matter in the scheme of things, it does matter that your daughter knows you will support her and the children no matter what. Be sad but be strong for her she is going to need to know you are there for her because trust me she is going to be very scared at the thought of having to be on her own with the children relying on her for almost everything from now on. I'm not saying her husband won't support them but day by day she is going to bear the brunt of it. She must have good reason for doing what she is contemplating, so just be there for her when she asks for your support.. she sounds like she it taking care of the money side of things herself

danlojo

Didn't want to read and run...

You never know what is going on behind closed doors. If she is unhappy then this is the right move for her. Life is too short and you only get one crack at it.

Money and a family unit can be a nice flow through life but if you are not happy then is it worth it?

It may seem all rosy to you but there has to be a very good reason for her to do this.

She's not the first and won't be the last.

Just be there for her, it's going to be a rollercoaster for her, her husband and especially the kids.

We have had friends who have separated and they 'seemed' to have it all...........just don't think about what you see, it's the unseen things that shock you.

birkee

Honesty in relationships.

If she doesn't want to be with her Husband, then that's the end of the matter. It's better all round. Everybody can get onto rebuilding their lives earlier.
If my Wife found someone she wanted to be with more than me, then I would finish our marriage. Once the commitment is gone, all is lost.
No, I know you didn't say, there was someone else for your Daughter, but her commitment has gone from her marriage.

Key question is WHY?