Sad and shameful diary of a mum

toniq

Hi x

Maybe set yourself small goals, try to do 1 or 2 things with your children everyday, let everything else slide whilst you do those 2 activities, something simple as making cornflake cakes or cutting and sticking. You could even drag the cutting and sticking type activity over several days to build up more excitment and to have a joint project to build on.

Try and build up from there, it will help your self esteem and the kids will love that!
Even at 13 my son buzzes his socks off if i say me and him are making dinner together, He will constantly say throughout the meal " how's you dinner? I made that!"

Good luck with Dr's xxx

arlybarly

Ahhh you sound just like i used to feel, always working and never time for fun stuff with the kids, now they are older they tell me that im a fantastic mom and wouldnt swop me for the world, its been a long hard slog sometimes and ive smacked mine in the past BUT they are both now nearly adults and they are the nicest kids you could meet so i didnt do any lasting damage to them thankgod.

jpwhittle

you sound like a great mum, to me a bad mum wouldnt even bother to have their kids clean tidy fed and well dressed. (ive known a few like that to) But you do sound alittle depressed. I know when my depression started after i had my DS i felt just the same as you. I could manage all the basics for him but couldnt do anything special with him or anything as i just couldnt get past the few basic things i needed to do.
Now im facing depression again after going through some bullying and im finding it really hard to find my feet again. I can make sure everythings done for my 2 children but getting out doing the fun stuff is really hard as im suffering with panic attacks. I feel like the worst mum in the world and really wish i could cherish this time with them more, But through it all, somehow they just know i love them more than life itself. My oldest knows when im low and keeps coming giving me cuddles saying he loves my, just like ill give them loads of kisses and cuddles and tell them i love them.
This may cause some upset but sometimes, just sometimes, children need to be smacked, (im not talking completly beaten or hurt in anyway) but sometimes its the last resort. I mean what hurts most a smack from mum or hands in the fire? Ive smacked both my children, i dont like doing it and its always a last resort but sometimes we have all done it. (my 2 have learnt if i start the count to 3 they better behave or else mummys going to be really cross)
You sound like a great mum, you just need some help at the moment. Have you looked at homestart for some help why your husband is away? they can come round for a chat and to help you a little bit when your OH is away and can maybe give you some time to feel like you can do something with the children, and its completly free so definatly MSE.

mum2twinsx2

You do NOT sound like a bad mum at all.
Depression is such a hard topic to tackle. The fact your admitting and seeking help is one of the biggest and wisest step you have taken.
I find on my days im working my kids dread it, as im absloutley awful. As everything is such a rush stress, no matter how organised i am.
Your not going mad, your just having a blip in life.

plumpmouse

I think the fact that you want to become a better mum show that you really are a good mum.

Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Believe me I know I am a good mum but it doesn't always mean I am a good mum all the time.

Don't believe everything people say. They tend to over emphazied there good bits and leave out the bad bits.

My ds7 sometimes plays on his ds too much. Like this weekend he bought a new game and we are shattered from the baby not sleeping at night so he has played on it way more than normal.

I have a pile of washing up/ washing to do and while the baby naps what am I doing - looking on here.

They eat well, but shock horror my ds7 has chocolates and sweets.

My son has seen me cry so much. We battled infertility and had a very stressful year last year whilst I was pregnant so I was permenantly in tears. He realises it is part of life sometimes as we have always tried to be truthful and explain why I am crying

Believe me all parents make mistakes and have times when they aren't as good. You can see it and want to resolve it and that is brilliant.

Seek help from your GP. And remind yourself of 1 positive thing you have done ever day.

Good luck

ethelsmum

The fact that you care shows you are a good mum. I think we all struggle at times - I certainly do, and there have been nights where I have sat and cried as I feel such a rubbish mum.

When my eldest 2 get home from school I hardly seem to have a minute with them some nights as I'm rushing around trying to sort tea, washing, packed lunches, the baby, baths etc and it makes me very .
The weekends though are all about them.

I hope your GP is helpful, and please try not to be so hard on yourself.

Strawberries

Hello everyone....

Oh my goodness...what a lot of lovely encouraging replies! Wow...I am so humbled that people have taken the time to reply! Thank you all.

Well, here is an update on today....

I tried to get up a little bit earlier than usual so I wasn't rushing at the last moment and shouting at the kiddies....I sometimes feel that when I shout and rush, my anxiety rubs off on them and I send them to school nervous and sad...I am recognising that and as of today, I am trying to change that.

Today was my day off...I work 3 days a week, so I went and did a little bit of shopping when I dropped kiddies off, then came home and did some housework. When I picked up my little girl from nursery today, she came out with a wee worried look on her face however. She said I wasn't nicely dressed and said she likes me in my "nice clothes". What I read from that, is that when I am dressed with my make up on, I maybe feel better and am happier?? I hadn't really thought of that, as some days I just wear old jeans and no make up....mostly because of time restrictions, or just because I can't be bothered. I am quite surprised that she has noticed that and commented on it.

We just came home and had lunch, and then I had a shower and put on some "nice clothes"....which pleased her! Then it was pick up time for my son, then ballet classes for my daughter, then tea! The newspaper had free play dough in it today, so we did a little bit of that after tea, homework then kiddies played while I got tidied up then bed. No shouting today which is good....I didn't get angry at all with them which I am pleased about. I know it sounds silly to say that, because they are my lovely children, but I am ashamed to say I do get angry with them sometimes....hence this (boring) diary.

Oh...I almost forgot....made a Dr appt today....big thing for me as don't like admitting I need anti depressants etc! Next Tues tho!

Well my dear forum friends (can I call you all that?), if you have taken the time to read again, thank you xx

HariboJunkie

What no one tells you (or what you choose not to believe) is that, from the day you realise you are pregnant until the day you die, you will always feel guilt as a mother.
Motherguilt. It's a recognised condition for which there is no cure but with a bit of self awareness and some support, the symptoms can be controlled.;)

Take it easy on yourself. You love those children very much.

squibbs25

What makes you think you are a bad mum?
Is it because you get stressed? run out of time (not enough hours in the day), feel like your letting your children down because you say No?
To me you sound just like every other mum i know, including me!
I have 2 children, ds(13) and dd(8).
I try my hardest to be a good mum to them, sometimes it means that no, i cant stop cooking dinner to play top trumps, or to look at the latest dance or listen to ds on his guitar.

I do try and be fair but why is it that kids only want us when we are busy, normally doing something that's hard to put down/walk away from ( or on the phone?)

Well done OP for such a good day yesterday.
You mentioned about 'nice clothes' making you feel better, i've noticed with myself that if i dont wash my hair everyday then i feel really 'different', (unhappy/moody is how my hubby would describe me on them days :rotfl:)
and yes wearing nice clothes and make up does make us feel better, more confident about oursleves. I dont wear make up all the time, i use Olay's moisuriser/foundation all in one daily, but dont always use mascara/eyeshodow, depends on how i feel that morning.
Sometimes i dont even straighten my hair (messy grown out bob), providing i look clean and tidy, look presentable (ish) then i dont worry. Lifes too short.


OP how did you get on today?

celebrate

hi not had chance to read all the replies but just wanted to say you are not alone. I feel like i am constantly ranting at mykids, they never listen and now they rant back at me. I have loads of issues in my life and know I have to take steps to sort myself out and then the kids will probably calm down too.

I have noticed things are much worse when I make my own problems, eg if i want an extra 5 mins in bed in the morning everybody suffers because we are running late. If I am too busy catching up on housework and neglect the kids they will fight and get up o no good.

I have learned I need to slow down and calm down, make more sacrifices and be less angry with life , everyone and especially with ME, hopefully then eveything else will follow

take care and good luck X