Ensuring my children are looked after

Mojisola

babyemily wrote: »

No We have looked at this before and SS made it very clear that they would have to involve ALL family members including my exes also he would be consulted if they could find him, after much debate we decided this was not for us as our children are happy now and we feel no need to have these people notified of anything.

It's really a case of keeping your fingers crossed that you live long enough to see the children to adulthood or sorting this out now.

You wouldn't really want your OH to be grieving for you and having to fight through the courts to keep the children with him, would you?

Mojisola

babyemily wrote: »

I do not think of my children as possessions and have no plans to give them to anyone I just want my wishes explicitly known in case anything ever did happen to me

That's what I was saying - you can express your wishes about who cares for your children but your wishes are not legally binding on anyone unlike the rest of your will.

gingin_2

Are your friends aware that you wish them to become the guardians if anything were to happen to you and your partner ?

flutterby_lil

No he never said such a thing.
I went in and said I would like something in place to state who would look after my son if anything happened to me as his biological father is dead. My partner is adopting him so it was just something in the meantime.

RAS

You can write into your will wishes regarding care for your children and appoint guardians.

However the birth father would be able to claim PR under normal circumstances (I know one case where this happened and the children were returned to their father by the guardians against their deceased mother's wishes, before the funeral even took place). Given the history of this case, it may well be that SS would step in and prevent him taking them, then appoint the SD as guardian.

Op, how old are the "children?"

Nicki

Babyemily, we also have a child with autism and have nominated two people in our will to look after her when we die ( a primary carer and a fall back if the primary carer isn't able to do it by the time the will comes into force). We've also left part of our estate in trust to look after her into old age. The only thing we are concerned about is that the people we nominated are the same age or older than us, so we need to keep that under review, as if we (as we hope) live to a ripe old age, the nominated carers won't be up to taking on that responsibility for us. My dd will probably need looking after all her life, so its not just a case as Mojisola suggested of just surviving ourself until she reaches 18. Barring something very unforeseen, she will need something in place after we die, whenever that is.

babyemily

Thank you all for your replies, RAS my children are 12, 14 and 15 so not exactly babies! My children are very happy with my husband we have been together 8 years now whereas their biological dad was a complete muppet who actually assaulted one of the children in a public place. After 3 court assessments and 4 years going back and forth to court the judge had had enough of him...either failing to turn up/turning up on drink and drugs/being rude and abusive in the court etc...His family were just as bad though, hence I do not wish to go down the adoption path. It has taken a long time for them to feel happy and settled as it is. The judge also made an order at the time stating that should my ex ever pull his act together and feel he wants to see the children then he must write to the judge who made the order asking for his permission to appeal the judgement. With no parents etc... I am just terrified they would end up in care which would destroy them.

RAS

emily

SS try to avoid taking children into care if they possibly can; the first port of call is always immediate family. I suspect your OH would be their preference if you ensure that details of the court case are attached to your will. And you can nominate your OH as their guardian. Just he will need to have all the evidence to object to any attempt by your ex to get access to the children.

I would also think that all the children, even if they have special needs, would be considered old enough by a court to make their own views known. The general view is that over the age of 12, courts will take note of the child's wishes. There was one case recently involving a 5 and 8 year old who made quite plain that they did not want contact with an abusive father which led a judge to over-rule the general law that children should not be removed from their country of origin and allow their mother to keep them and the younger child(ren) in England.

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

SS try to avoid taking children into care if they possibly can; the first port of call is always immediate family. I suspect your OH would be their preference if you ensure that details of the court case are attached to your will. And you can nominate your OH as their guardian. Just he will need to have all the evidence to object to any attempt by your ex to get access to the children.

I would also think that all the children, even if they have special needs, would be considered old enough by a court to make their own views known. The general view is that over the age of 12, courts will take note of the child's wishes.

I would agree with all this. Considering their ages, I don't think you have to do anything legal to protect them.

You can say in your will that you would like your OH to be their guardian or you can write a letter of wishes separate from the will. With your children's preferences being in agreement with yours, I can't see their father ever getting a look-in, especially in the light of his previous behaviour!

RAS

Emily

Upsetting as it may be for the children; as it becomes appropriate, it may be sensible to talk to them gradually explaining what arrangments you have made. if they remember their father, they may want to know that you have asked for OH to be their guardian and to know that they will have a say in this if it ever happens.