do your brothers and sisters help out with children?

Any

Skintchick-you hit the nail on the head-it is about choices.
My choice was to not have a children, at least not now.for number of reasons.
And my choice should be respected. Not psychologicaly analysed and find a way to justify your opinions. This is not dig on you, generally on all people that believe that their choices should change other peoples choices/way of life/opinions.

My choice was to go to work full time, still finish my qualifications,have sone life and while I do that also keep my marriage alive and happy. Not to sit in someone elses house for hours the few weekend evenings I do have or run in the park in the few days I do have.

And I don't feel these choices are respected. They might be selfish and selfcentred to you, but to me having children is a BIG decision and I consider selfcentred that some people believe that their choice is more important.

pigpen

Any wrote: »

Skintchick-you hit the nail on the head-it is about choices.
My choice was to not have a children, at least not now.for number of reasons.
And my choice should be respected. Not psychologicaly analysed and find a way to justify your opinions. This is not dig on you, generally on all people that believe that their choices should change other peoples choices/way of life/opinions.

My choice was to go to work full time, still finish my qualifications,have sone life and while I do that also keep my marriage alive and happy. Not to sit in someone elses house for hours the few weekend evenings I do have or run in the park in the few days I do have.

And I don't feel these choices are respected. They might be selfish and selfcentred to you, but to me having children is a BIG decision and I consider selfcentred that some people believe that their choice is more important.

As a mum I think it is amazing people choose not to have children. I think it must take massive resolve and determination to not give in to peer pressure or parent pressure or any other pressure and stay childless because that is what you want. There is so much pressure and bullying and emotional blackmail that goes with it.. it is very very sad for those who cannot have children and still get this aggro.

anyone who says 'no I do not want children' and sticks by it has my utmost respect for making that choice and being focussed and determined.

It is selfish to say no I don't want to have children, but it is also selfish to have children. In many respects having children is the easy option.

Any

TBH I am not sure I will never want children yet. Currently I cannot manage a puppy, never mind child. I just don't have the time/patience/state of mind at the moment. And I am very close to finishing my qualifications so then it might change. As I don't feel like it I am not risking it. There is no point of having children because it is expected of you, if you are not right/ready the one that suffers most is the child.

skintchick

Any wrote: »

Skintchick-you hit the nail on the head-it is about choices.
My choice was to not have a children, at least not now.for number of reasons.
And my choice should be respected. Not psychologicaly analysed and find a way to justify your opinions. This is not dig on you, generally on all people that believe that their choices should change other peoples choices/way of life/opinions.

My choice was to go to work full time, still finish my qualifications,have sone life and while I do that also keep my marriage alive and happy. Not to sit in someone elses house for hours the few weekend evenings I do have or run in the park in the few days I do have.

And I don't feel these choices are respected. They might be selfish and selfcentred to you, but to me having children is a BIG decision and I consider selfcentred that some people believe that their choice is more important.

You have misunderstood me. I don;t think your decision not to have your own children is selfish, not at all, it is entirely your choice, but it's your decision to choose not to engage and form meaningful relationships with your siblings' children that i find self-centred, as well as short-sighted.

But no, choosing to be childless is totally valid. to me, it's incomprehensible, but nonetheless it's a totally valid life choice.

And I don;t think you should necessarily have to babysit, although it might be kind to do so occasionally, but my comments were about spending other time with the children.

concerned43

*Louise* wrote: »

Ouch, I can understand the resentment on your side :mad:

Can I ask - how did you get into the situation where you started paying them in the first place? Doesn't seem fair that your sisters at least wouldn't return the favour for you. That's gratitude for you

No my son was at nursery and I was ony asking them to spend some time (1 hour or so) with my son. They basically asked for money once they had him and it went from there! When I said no to payment the time spent with my son stopped. I remember I went for a pub lunch with a friend and she was moaning about her mother not giving her £10k she needed for school fees and I told her that I was having to pay my mum £40 for watching my son while I had lunch with her! - that shut her up!

Any

Skintchick and I don't think you have read my previous posts properly.
I do babysit my nieces and I do have some relationship with them-just not as much as my sister would like to. To me I do enough. And I can see why other people are not botheted at all. It is their choice.
I can also see why mothers want others to be as bemused by their children as they are, they are their mothers and there is nothing more important to them as their children, but rationaly they need to understand that other people do not have to feel the same.
By the way-don't you think that if one really wanted to have meaningful relationship with a child they would most lilely have their own if they could?

suki1964

You know there is nothing worse for me then to try to read a post from someone who is trying to sound so intellectual, yet doesnt know the difference between a ' and a ;

Makes a total mockery of their post.

skintchick

Any wrote: »

Skintchick and I don't think you have read my previous posts properly.
I do babysit my nieces and I do have some relationship with them-just not as much as my sister would like to. To me I do enough. And I can see why other people are not botheted at all. It is their choice.
I can also see why mothers want others to be as bemused by their children as they are, they are their mothers and there is nothing more important to them as their children, but rationaly they need to understand that other people do not have to feel the same.
By the way-don't you think that if one really wanted to have meaningful relationship with a child they would most lilely have their own if they could?

I did say I was talking more widely than specifically about you, I just replied to you because you raised lots of interesting points. And I possibly didn;t read your previous posts properly, or at least didn;t retain all the information in them, because a) I was talking more about the wider issue, and b) as I said earlier I am not well today and my brain isn;t working properly.

And no to your question in bold. I like to have meaningful relationships with lots of people, it doesn;t mean I want to marry them all.

Any

skintchick wrote: »

You have misunderstood me. I don;t think your decision not to have your own children is selfish, not at all, it is entirely your choice, but it's your decision to choose not to engage and form meaningful relationships with your siblings' children that i find self-centred, as well as short-sighted.

But no, choosing to be childless is totally valid. to me, it's incomprehensible, but nonetheless it's a totally valid life choice.

And I don;t think you should necessarily have to babysit, although it might be kind to do so occasionally, but my comments were about spending other time with the children.

I had to re-read this and I don't understand.
It is not self centred not to have your own children (in your opinion), but it is self centred not to have someone elses?
Have you noticed how your argument always comes back to your own purposes?

Any

skintchick wrote: »

And no to your question in bold. I like to have meaningful relationships with lots of people, it doesn;t mean I want to marry them all.

Sorry to hear you are not well. Hope it is nothing serious?

Do you choose the people you want to have a relationship with and when or do you let someone else make that decision for you?

You've decided it is right for siblings to have relationship with someone you deeply care about, otherwise they are selfish. You do realise people do not conform well to other people's ideas on how to lead their life..?