Why does she treat me like this?

linlin_3

mountainofdebt wrote:

Apparently she was upset at my 'lack of concern' because I hadn't mentioned it .......

Trouble is I do love her to bits

She can't read minds either. Unless you tell her how you feel, how is she supposed to know? Perhaps she just wants some reassurance from you, so why not state the facts clearly and plainly.
As far as your sister is concerned, take it for granted that your mother tells her that you're the best!

Regarding your father - I think if he were to die, you'd regret not seeing him. I'd suggest you explain that to your mother too, before visiting your father.

chinup_3

i cut my mother out of my life ten years ago;every time i spoke to her a little more was cut off me.i never looked back and have achieved so much that i would not have done due to diminished confidence if i had stayed and 'tried to make it work'.alchemists couldnt make lead into gold but plenty went mad trying; why should we. some parents are such not really through choice or desire-sad but true

lynzpower

hiya m-o-d

Sorry to hear whats going on.

this bit struck me though

She does talk to me in a way she would never dream of talking to my sister - but there again my sister wouldn't let mum get away with it.

So why do you?

If you change your behaviour to not suffering foolish behaviour, youll be surprised how little of it comes your way. trust me on that one

djdido2

i know exactly you how you feel although obviously the circumstances are very different. i am trying to learn what lynzpower said, but after 35 years of being timid and belittled it is so difficult to suddenly change your way of dealing with this. when i speak up for myself my mum goes into shock because it is just so, not me.

getting there, very slowly.

kathyd_2

My very early memories of my mother aren't exactly warming. Always putting me down in favour of my older sister. Whenever she introduced us to anyone it would be "This is X my eldest daughter, this is X my youngest daughter, this is X my only son and this is X (me), almost as if there was no 'box' for me, just me; they all had their labels and there wasn't one for me. She would say horrid things like I would never amount to anything, never get a boyfriend, friends would only use me. When I did get boyfriends she would never make them welcome in our home. She is very materialistic so I would buy her expensive things for Christmas and birthdays. Made me flavour of the moment at times too - but very short lived. 27 years ago I bought her a beautiful bouquet (more than I could really afford) for Easter, my older sister bought her a bunch of tulips. When my auntie telephoned her that day she told her about the flowers my sister had bought her - forgot to mention mine. I know it was a long time ago, but I was so hurt. But it didn't stop me trying to buy her affection. It continued until 6 years ago when I decided not to have contact with her after she did something unforgivable. I only wanted my mum to be my best friend, to love me the way she loved my brother and sisters, but I guess it wasn't to be. She must have her reasons why she treated me as she did.

Still I have my 2 lovely children, all grown up now and my experiences with my mother have meant they have a mother that would go to the ends of the earth for them. I always say to them 'Love you infinitum'....words my mother could never utter to me.

glicky

linlin wrote:

She can't read minds either. Unless you tell her how you feel, how is she supposed to know? Perhaps she just wants some reassurance from you, so why not state the facts clearly and plainly.
As far as your sister is concerned, take it for granted that your mother tells her that you're the best!

Regarding your father - I think if he were to die, you'd regret not seeing him. I'd suggest you explain that to your mother too, before visiting your father.

It's quite obvious you've NEVER been in this situation! :mad:

If you had, then you certainly wouldn't have written the above! :rolleyes:

suzy_g

Wow, being a parent and hearing this make you realise how easy you can damage a child for life. I thought you loved you kids unconditionally. I know my parents did so i guess I am lucky

scoobydo_2

trust me you are lucky .My mum constantly puts me down , even had me in tears on my 40th birthday !!! What ever I do doesn't seem good enough I am a single parent now and have got very independant but she doesn't like this and tries to tell me what to do how to decorate my home , what to spend my money on .
My brother gets totally differant treatment she wouldn't dare say anyhting to him in her words "he'd bite her head off"
I am very differnat with my own kids I consiouly made that decsion I cuddle them all the time , tell them how much I love them and we have a great relationship. So we can learn from how we are treating our kids to make a more loving future .
I now keep myself to myself and see her when I want !!!!! I wish some times I could see dad more as he is great and totally differant but they come as a pair .

notakid

Crikey, reading this thread makes me realise how lucky i've been with my Mom. But the one thing that struck me when reading the threads is how everyone said that they vowed to be better moms, thats heartening.

I suppose, these bad moms, they hold so much power to make their children feel inferior it makes them feel powerful instead of facing up to the mistakes they have made in life. What nice person would want to do that? Make someone you love feel bad?

THE_LONE_RANGER_4

whats this got to do with money saving