Looking after disabled child part-time..

karenx

There is no help, the primary carer recieves everything

JC9297

giz1972 wrote: »

Theres no reason for concern with the childs welfare, she looks after the child very well and activities are plentyful, It's just a shame that my BIL cannot do the things he would like to do on such limited funds. It's ok saying get a job but soon as you mention your responsibilities, work places put you at the bottom of the list. She lives on the fat of the land and he as to scrap by, pardon the pun.

The fact that she isn't providing nappies or a coat when he visits his dad is detrimental to the child's welfare, there is no way I would have left my child without everything he needs to be comfortable and cared for.

As your BIL has his son only at weekends surely he can work Monday to Friday without any problems? I don't think employers have to make any allowances for him as the child's main home is with his mother i.e. they don't have joint custody.

kingfisherblue

I am primary carer for my three children, including one son with severe disabilities. I therefore receive all the monetary allowances. My ex sees the children for a few hours once a week, at his parents' house, as he no longer lives in the area.

I rarely give my ex any cash, but he doesn't take the kids out much. I do, on the other hand, supply all clothing, nappies, wipes, nappy bags, medication, and anything else that is needed. My son will be using a communication device shortly (about £650) and this will go with my son when he sees his dad. I'm not expecting his dad to pay anything towards it, just as I don't expect him to give me any additional money for clothing, bedding (which needs to be replaced regularly), Scouts, petrol, etc - he pays maintenance, albeit reluctantly, via a deduction of earnings order. This money, along with my son's DLA and the other benefits that I receive are for my childrens' needs.

When my ex does have the kids overnight, I must admit that I don't offer him any money. It rarely happens, though, and as he is in work (with a reasonable wage) it is a different position than the OP. If my ex was out of work, I would like to think that I would be thoughtful enough to give some money towards any expenses.

giz1972

Thats living in an ideal world having a Monday to Friday Job. He not only has the child weekends (the child gets picked up by the school bus monday morning), he has the child weekdays too and school hols, whenever it suits the mother.
He's tried part time jobs and minumum wage jobs to see how he could benefit but finds himself stuck in a catch 21 situation, no better off than being on jsa after rent and ct being paid and travel costs.
It's ok saying get a job in between when you have the child and thats what i've said in the past to him, believe me i have very strong views on the benefit system and the scammers out there.
So i'm going to leave it at this. He needs to stand up for himself and say the walfare of the child comes first and for her to make sure the child has everything as if the child was with her. She gets all the benefits for the child so she should cough up.
If she says no, then i'll be paying a visit or making a call to shop a benefit cheat....

Oldernotwiser

giz1972 wrote: »

Thats living in an ideal world having a Monday to Friday Job. He not only has the child weekends (the child gets picked up by the school bus monday morning), he has the child weekdays too and school hols, whenever it suits the mother.
He's tried part time jobs and minumum wage jobs to see how he could benefit but finds himself stuck in a catch 21 situation, no better off than being on jsa after rent and ct being paid and travel costs.
It's ok saying get a job in between when you have the child and thats what i've said in the past to him, believe me i have very strong views on the benefit system and the scammers out there.
So i'm going to leave it at this. He needs to stand up for himself and say the walfare of the child comes first and for her to make sure the child has everything as if the child was with her. She gets all the benefits for the child so she should cough up.
If she says no, then i'll be paying a visit or making a call to shop a benefit cheat....

If he was working he wouldn't be able to have his child at odd times and it would be better if he planned from this standpoint. If he's not careful, he's going to find his JSA affected because he's not available for work as well.

I think that he should look for a full time or substantial part time job and then he would be able to tell his ex when he's available for childcare. He really can't spend the next 15 years living on £65 per week so that he's available any time that she fancies some space from the child.

paddedjohn

i think your bil needs to be cruel to be kind and tell his ex he cant see his son at the moment as he cant afford to look after him, she will soon get the message and hopefully provide for him.

giz1972

To Kingfisherblue..
I feel for you, with the father either not having his children more or not able too, i truely believe that both parents should take responsibilities of their children either by a good shared care between the both or the near or absent parent contributing financially.
But with my BIL, he gets just about enough (£65) to feed himself and pay for water, tv lic and heating etc.....
I really do have sympathy for guys only on Jsa and living in rented housing. I can see why many people try for the ESA for the extra £25 to £35 a week.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

If he was working he wouldn't be able to have his child at odd times and it would be better if he planned from this standpoint. If he's not careful, he's going to find his JSA affected because he's not available for work as well.

I think that he should look for a full time or substantial part time job and then he would be able to tell his ex when he's available for childcare. He really can't spend the next 15 years living on £65 per week so that he's available any time that she fancies some space from the child.

I agree.

Most dads have their kids on weekends when they work Mon - Fri.

It will also be better for the child to have a routine so he doesn't get confused.

The child can be dropped back home on the Sunday evening so he can be picked up for school from home on the Monday morning.

giz1972

I've said this to him about standing up for himself, thats when she gave him 60p. I just haven't got round to seeing her myself (a year or so). After finding out that she now lives with her working boyfriend and got engaged to be married this year, my fingers are twitching towards the phone to make the call to the benefits office.

kingfisherblue

giz1972 wrote: »

To Kingfisherblue..
I feel for you, with the father either not having his children more or not able too, i truely believe that both parents should take responsibilities of their children either by a good shared care between the both or the near or absent parent contributing financially.
But with my BIL, he gets just about enough (£65) to feed himself and pay for water, tv lic and heating etc.....
I really do have sympathy for guys only on Jsa and living in rented housing. I can see why many people try for the ESA for the extra £25 to £35 a week.

I agree that both parents should take responsibility for their children, disabled or not. I don't think I made myself clear, though. I was actually trying to point out that for those parents in severe financial straits (such as your BIL), I think the other parent should help out with costs when the absent parent looks after the child. If nothing else, the child's mother should provide nappies and clothing. I sympathise with your BIL and hope that he can arrange something with his ex so that their child does not do without essentials such as nappies and a warm coat. It is good to hear that he is so keen to be an active and regular part of his child's life.