small steps and a fresh start......my journey starts here

Lemon_Tree

i also feel that work is taking over my life it's horrible isn't it, so frustrating and soul destroying sometimes.
well done for two NSD's

MiaowMiaow

I feel so sad today, i dont know whats up with me and keep crying. I feel really reflective and just feel my life is such a mess. I feel I dont know where im going or what i want anymore. Just want to change everything, i dont know why. so emotional and pretty much a wreck inside. I think maybe the word is confused. Pretty much this is all because of a bloke too. aghhhhhh so mad with myself.

sorry diary just needed a rant. xx

Lemon_Tree

sorry miaow hope you're feeling better, blokes aren't often worth so much heart ache, sending you hugs.

MiaowMiaow

Well everything still a bit !!!! but trying to sort myself out.

Few things to do-

1) Go back to GP next week to discuss depression - feel I want to see someone and talk as I am having downs still but also manic highs where I splurge in the shops or do daft things, its not me.

2) Research party rep for Ann Summers - I reckon it would be fun as a hobby as well as the obvious - earning cash. Despite my depression I am good will people and confident.

3) Still need to do a proper budget - get paid on Friday and want it sorted by then

4) Organise Christmas list - presents etc so I can budget

5) !!!! - need pressie for friends little boy - i think it was yesterday

6) work front - organise myself when back tomorrow and try to get rid of backlog of things this wk

7) stop stressing over a bloke and put myself first

8) ebay - have items to list but still not done it!!!!

9) house is a tip - clean clean clean!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10) food list of what i have - next month is going to be all about using up and buying as little food as poss.


well thats it for now - going to have a brew. meeting up with my brother and his g/f so looking forward to that, they are a great support

xxx

MiaowMiaow

Evening Diary

Not feeling so great, I can feel my depression seeping through my body.

Trying to be positive but finding it hard.

Supposed to be revising but cant face it at all. Ended up in tears at work yesterday, thank goodness today was my day off.

Not sure what to do with myself. Booked an appointment with my GP next week.

Must be careful with money as I end up buying random stuff when i am down though good thing is i cant face the shops at the minute!

Food cupboards full so going to try and use up stuff this month. Roll on pay day................!!

Need to do xmas shopping list to work out a budget, my mum is treating me to a weekend away xmas shopping so have that to look forward to.
xxx

Lemon_Tree

sending you hugs, could you try and get into the doctors any earlier as an emergency?
hope you find some sunshine in your life over the weekend.

MiaowMiaow

Thanks so much lemon tree xx

I am feeling a bit better today. I have spoken to my boss and my exam coming up I am opting out of and doing the one in march instead as it was really getting too much with working so much ontop of it all.

Docs appointment friday and i have an appointment this afternoon for alternative therapy for my depression.

feeling a little less overwhelmed and coping a bit better.

wondering at the moment whether to opt out of my pension for a while to assist paying off my debt, opened another thread for advice so will see. think it might be a good option.

xxx

Lemon_Tree

glad life is a bit more sunnier. glad to see you over on my diary.
good idea to postpone your exam, i'm glad your boss is a reasonable person and isn't forcing you to keep to the original timetable.
not sure about your pension correction, but i'm sure you'll get loads of advice on the other boards.