Should I still help....advice needed

RadoJo

When I was younger and financially unstable, my Mum was like a very kind bank - she would lend or give me money, but only if I was helping myself. As long as I was working and demonstrating a willingness to take care of myself, then she would help me out if she could see I needed it. If I asked for a handout or a loan because it was easier than saving up myself, then it was tough until I could demonstrate that I was deserving of a treat, and even then it wouldn't have been a brand new bed if I had a perfectly good one which I was choosing not to sleep on to spend time with my boyfriend or the option of checking Freecycle or similar to find something suitable. In fact, if I wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend, I had to get my own flat, which I did! (I'm only 30 btw because I realise this makes me sound older, but I wasn't allowed boys to stay at my parents until the one who is now my husband!)

And if it makes you feel any better, I spent one year sleeping on a bed with only three legs, propped up on a series of storage boxes and two years sleeping on a futon mattress (which was like a 2 inch slab of concrete) on the floor and I not only survived but can now look back indulgently on the days when I had no idea where my money really went. That kind of thing makes you more appreciative not only of what you have, but of what your parents have done for you over the course of your life because you have an understanding of what it means to save and sacrifice for something that's important to you.

charlies-aunt

Don't feel bad! You are a good mum and have made the right decision.

CFC

Not harsh. Right decision!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/S29887616

Double bed in IKEA. Will need mattress. http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/80139734


So double bed in at around £100.


Not to forget that they will also need to buy their own base sheets, mattress cover, pillows, duvet and bed linen. Or were these expected to come for free as well?

BallandChain

You did the right thing. In my 30s I was sleeping on an inflatable bed for a couple of years and it didn't kill me.

BitterAndTwisted

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/S29887616

Double bed in IKEA. Will need mattress. http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/80139734


So double bed in at around £100.


Not to forget that they will also need to buy their own base sheets, mattress cover, pillows, duvet and bed linen. Or were these expected to come for free as well?

They are sleeping on mattresses at the the boyfriend's parents' home so presumably they have spare bedlinen and are using it already.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Even cheaper then - I assumed they were using a collection of single bed items.

FBaby

Was she angry with you? If she was, then she hasn't learnt the lesson, not just that you should be saving before buying, but even more importantly that you should never borrow when you are already struggling to repay what you owe. You did the right thing because she showed that she wasn't able to come up with the deposit, which is evidence that she is not in a position to afford repayments. You are doing her a big favour by saying no, but you need to explain to her exactly why.