Does lending money destroy relationships?

danielley

To answer the question

'Would you really lend money to friends or close people?'

I am often asked by my Mum and my sister to lend them money for a week or two, until their paydays. I also have a couple of DD coming out of bank which are for them, which I get paid for in arrears when they get paid.

I find it very stressful and upsetting as a) I feel very used and b) I feel bad when I have to chase them for it, even though I know I shouldn't.

If I could get out of doing it, I would, but the alternative would be for them to get in debt or to lend from doorstep lenders.

I can afford to do this at the moment, but a change in circumstance in the future might mean I cant and I wish they would learn to budget better.

OP: I don't think you have done anything bad reading a dead persons diary.

sjc3

Gosh what a sad story. As an earlier poster mentioned the diary only reveals one side of the story. Not sure if it would really help to pass this diary to the girl mentioned in it. Does make you wonder if she is even aware of his death. If they apparently argued and messy texts were sent she may just think he is silent as they fell out. If she knew he had died wouldn't she be in contact with his family regarding him and his things.

You have some job to cope with dont you, blimey you must see it all.

sjc3

Tiggyroo wrote: »

January20 wrote: »

Well, I'm not going to lecture you into the rights and wrongs of reading another person's diary - particularly someone who is dead - anybody heard of Anne Frank? (surely she didn't leave instructions that her diary should be made into a book to be read by millions did she?)


Not really related to the post but Anne Frank wrote most of her diary, and then edited it, after hearing on the radio that somebody was collecting memoirs ect of people during the war. So she did actually want it to be read by millions

I agree. It was also published to educate people on the horrors of the holocaust so that god forbid it never happened again. Quite different from the situation the OP is in. I dont think there was anything wrong with reading the diray. Your quest was to uncover information that might help a friend or relative of the deceased.

Caroline_a

danielley wrote: »

I am often asked by my Mum and my sister to lend them money for a week or two, until their paydays. I also have a couple of DD coming out of bank which are for them, which I get paid for in arrears when they get paid.

I find it very stressful and upsetting as a) I feel very used and b) I feel bad when I have to chase them for it, even though I know I shouldn't.

If I could get out of doing it, I would, but the alternative would be for them to get in debt or to lend from doorstep lenders.

I can afford to do this at the moment, but a change in circumstance in the future might mean I cant and I wish they would learn to budget better.

QUOTE]

Goodness, what a position to be in! What if you suddenly lost your job? How would they manage then? I think you need to learn to say no... I know you think you are being kind and helping, but long-term you're not. I would tell them that you are going to reduce the DDs from, say, April. Cancel the DDs, and give them the money in cash on the same day so that they have to apportion it themselves. Then reduce over a period of, say, 6 months, until they are funding themselves. Just tell them you are saving up for something (car, house, whatever) and will not be able to afford it after this year.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

sjc3 wrote: »

Tiggyroo wrote: »

I agree. It was also published to educate people on the horrors of the holocaust so that god forbid it never happened again. Quite different from the situation the OP is in. I dont think there was anything wrong with reading the diray. Your quest was to uncover information that might help a friend or relative of the deceased.

How did a dead girl manage to edit a diary?

I don't think that the OP has done anything wrong and, if the family can't be found, at least he will remember what the young man did.

bluenoseam

To be fair it's difficult, my Mum who i love to bits is dire with money, always has been and well, she owes me a LOT of money, even when you take into account what i've essentially "written off" it's still considerable and has caused friction between us - but at the same time said friction has lead her to admitting her debt issues and now working towards them. My sister on the other hand, forget it, i wouldn't lend her 10p these days, she's also had a chunk of money off me and frankly if i ever see a penny of that again i'll dance in the street, i still love her to bits & would do anything for her, but if she comes running it's a straight no from me and it gets her angry with me.

My lesson though is learned, i've lost too much money which in the grand scheme of things has you could say has impacted my future (although that's more circumstance than anything else, outwith any of our control), so no more handouts from me, cos frankly it's not worth the grief from my sister & not worth the fact i had to roar the bit at my Mum to get her to come to her senses.

wenwen188

I am a house clearer, I was clearing out this young lads flat (He killed himself - shame really for a 21 year old he had a photo, some clothes and a diary to his name)

I asked the client (council) what they wanted me to do with the stuff, I was told to dispose of it how I saw fit. The clothes will go into the bundle and the photo and diary, I felt needed to be returned to a family member/close friend

So, (I know you will say this is bad!) I took about reading this young lads diary, seems he had it tough in life. So I realise after reading there was a special girl in his life, so I scan through the diary to find some form of contact details. I read on an entry on friday, he was giving this girl £100 a week so she could go uni and such. I read another entry he paid her rent. and every friday £100 went in without fail.

Now, fast forward to this month, He was late paying her rent, They argued and apparently a few texts were sent (the client sold the device for costs) and then he did the this.

jamespir

wenwen188 wrote: »

I am a house clearer, I was clearing out this young lads flat (He killed himself - shame really for a 21 year old he had a photo, some clothes and a diary to his name)

I asked the client (council) what they wanted me to do with the stuff, I was told to dispose of it how I saw fit. The clothes will go into the bundle and the photo and diary, I felt needed to be returned to a family member/close friend

So, (I know you will say this is bad!) I took about reading this young lads diary, seems he had it tough in life. So I realise after reading there was a special girl in his life, so I scan through the diary to find some form of contact details. I read on an entry on friday, he was giving this girl £100 a week so she could go uni and such. I read another entry he paid her rent. and every friday £100 went in without fail.

Now, fast forward to this month, He was late paying her rent, They argued and apparently a few texts were sent (the client sold the device for costs) and then he did the this.

sorry but why have you just copied the ops post word for word ?

*max*

Maybe the OP doesn't know how to read her own thread, so she made anoth...oh hang on, no she didn't? She just made up a whole new profile to reply here with the exact same post she she used for her original thread.
OP, either 1/ you're incredibly dim and I wonder how you even managed to find your way here to post a whole thread or 2/you're just taking the proverbial from people who genuinely want to help, making you a total !!!!.

What is it?

skypie123_2

*max* wrote: »

Maybe the OP doesn't know how to read her own thread, so she made anoth...oh hang on, no she didn't? She just made up a whole new profile to reply here with the exact same post she she used for her original thread.
OP, either 1/ you're incredibly dim and I wonder how you even managed to find your way here to post a whole thread or 2/you're just taking the proverbial from people who genuinely want to help, making you a total !!!!.

What is it?

Wooah! What makes you think that Wenwen is the OP?!