Does lending money destroy relationships?

MikeyGe

Hi all

First time poster, long time lurker.

I am a house clearer, I was clearing out this young lads flat (He killed himself - shame really for a 21 year old he had a photo, some clothes and a diary to his name)

I asked the client (council) what they wanted me to do with the stuff, I was told to dispose of it how I saw fit. The clothes will go into the bundle and the photo and diary, I felt needed to be returned to a family member/close friend

So, (I know you will say this is bad!) I took about reading this young lads diary, seems he had it tough in life. So I realise after reading there was a special girl in his life, so I scan through the diary to find some form of contact details. I read on an entry on friday, he was giving this girl £100 a week so she could go uni and such. I read another entry he paid her rent. and every friday £100 went in without fail.

Now, fast forward to this month, He was late paying her rent, They argued and apparently a few texts were sent (the client sold the device for costs) and then he did the this.

Would you really lend money to friends or close people? Do you think he was being used in this situation?

POPPYOSCAR

Sorry but I really think this is non of your business - you can never know the full circumstances to make a judgement one way or the other anyway.

And yes you were very wrong to read his diary.

January20

Well, I'm not going to lecture you into the rights and wrongs of reading another person's diary - particularly someone who is dead - anybody heard of Anne Frank? (surely she didn't leave instructions that her diary should be made into a book to be read by millions did she?)

Anyway, to get to your question, I would shy away from borrowing/ lending money to friends and family as much as possible as it can be destructive if the lender cannot get their money back for some reason.

DVardysShadow

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

... And yes you were very wrong to read his diary.

I disagree. Obviously, no next of kin had come forward. Mikey took it upon himself to sort something out and there was evidence of involvement with someone. Mikey followed this through and came across a sad story. It would be even sadder to think thatthe story went unknown.

The dilemma now is whether to pass the personal effects to this girl. Reading the diary both reveals her existence and illuminates the decision.

katali_d

Hey MikeyGe,

That's a pretty scary thing to be told (or I would think) dispose how you see fit! There must be a lot of stuff that never gets back to family and friends because people in that situation just toss it if it's worthless! It's nice that you are concerned enough to want to give it to the right people. Diaries of dead people are usually read, by whoever happens to find them, so no, I don't see anything wrong in that. Reading diaries of alive people would be a more tricky moral question!

As to the whether he was being taken advantage of...I know a lot of situations like this, where someone is paying for someone else to do stuff, and in most of them advantage is blatantly being taken, whether or not either of the people in the situation realise it. It only really matters when the relationship is one-sided (I think). Just bear in mind, you are only reading one side of the story, and what people write in their diary is usually not expected to be read.

I wish you luck in your job, it seems like a heavy responsibility. I hope people are thankful and considerate for the concern you show for your work, and appreciative of the trouble you may go to.

BitterAndTwisted

No, lending money rarely destroys relationships. It's the repaying or neglect thereof which does that.

Do you have any contact details for this young woman, to forward the man's things to?

Pixiechic

I don't think that you were at all wrong to read the diary. It sounds very much like your intentions were honourable and you were looking in order to return it to someone who might of cared to know. I think that that is very considerate of you given the circumstances.

I think that lending money is fine but in doing so, accept that you might not get it back. Only lend what you can afford to lose.

Tiggyroo

January20 wrote: »

Well, I'm not going to lecture you into the rights and wrongs of reading another person's diary - particularly someone who is dead - anybody heard of Anne Frank? (surely she didn't leave instructions that her diary should be made into a book to be read by millions did she?)


Not really related to the post but Anne Frank wrote most of her diary, and then edited it, after hearing on the radio that somebody was collecting memoirs ect of people during the war. So she did actually want it to be read by millions

scooby088

I always say i am only happy to lend money if i am prepared to lose it or lose a friend simple really...

Jake'sGran

This young man was very disturbed and the first thing I thought about was his parents. I assume someone has the responsibility of informing them?.

The money lending aspect of this story is a minor thing to me. He made the decision to lend it to her which we assume was because he cared for her but it sounds like his love wasn't reciprocated. It's all so sad. The highest rate of suicide in this country is with young men. If only they would seek help.

RadoJo

OP - just a thought (because I don't think you said what you intended to do with the diary), but it's probably best to think carefully about contacting this girl with what you know. If the diary implies that the argument between them was a factor in his suicide then she might not take that news well.