How much do you live on per month?

Lucy1010

Sequeena wrote: »

Just wanted to update, we've been to CAB today and have qualified for legal aid so hopefully we will be sorted before our son arrives. I've not gone too much into the problems we're having because I feel so embarrassed (I shouldn't, but I do) but I'm really glad we have finally had a bit of luck

Hey Sequeena

Don't feel embarrassed! Nobody knows you... there is no need to be ashamed. You are not alone in your situation, whatever it is, I bet tonnes of others here have experienced the same. You have nothing to lose but a lot of invaluable advice to gain

A problem shared, a problem halved (it's true!) Feel free to talk about it.

Sequeena

Lucy1010 wrote: »

Hey Sequeena

Don't feel embarrassed! Nobody knows you... there is no need to be ashamed. You are not alone in your situation, whatever it is, I bet tonnes of others here have experienced the same. You have nothing to lose but a lot of invaluable advice to gain

A problem shared, a problem halved (it's true!) Feel free to talk about it.

Thanks Lucy, it's a really, really long story, goes back quite a while

I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD and anxiety in April 2010 after I'd cut myself. The month before my (ex) step father had tried to sexually abuse my niece and I took the oppurtunity to tell the police he'd done the same thing to me for 10 years. I was fine at first, but couldn't cope with everyone knowing what had happened to me. It was hard going from no-one knowing then suddenly being in a small room having to tell a police officer in detail what had happened.

For the next 6 or so months I was monitored closely, switched medication regularly and my OH had to take quite a bit of time off work to look after me as there were days when I couldn't even get out of bed. This is when things started to slide, we had less money coming in so it got to the point where we would pay rent, buy essentials and decide with what was left what bills to pay.

TV licence was one of the things that fell off the radar, before we knew it OH was in court He got a fine over £500 and a 14 day suspended sentence. We are currently paying £20 a month on the fine and also make sure we pay normal tv licence on top.

Council tax also became something we couldn't pay so we are currently paying arrears of over £130 a month which comes straight out of OHs wages. Sadly we can't even afford to pay normal council tax on top so I don't know what's going to happen there other than we're royally f*cked. We're paying a debt only for the debt to increase, not to go down

In October 2010 I completely lost the plot. It was a month before I was due in court to give evidence and I really went downhill. I cut and overdosed and was extremely lucky to live. I have to be checked every so often for signs of liver failiure because of the pills I took. I luckily didn't need to have my stomach pumped because my body rejected the pills by itself but it took 7 hours of continuously being sick to get it out of me.

In all of this my OH was having his own health problems. He had a road crash in 2007 (he was on a scooter and was hit side on by a car) and broke his pelvis and fractured a verterbrae. He always has back ache but sometimes it gets really bad to the point where he has to ring in sick from work. His job is a nights duty manager for a major supermarket so he has to do quite a lot of heavy lifting in his job.

We started to fall behind in our rent (private). It's £515 a month but there would be months when pay was so short we could only make about £400. We have arrears of about £1000 which we are trying to chip away at.

I miraculously conceived in November (was pregnant at the time of giving evidence) and found out I was pregnant on the same day my abuser was found not guilty That was a hard period to get through. We were so excited to finally be expecting but I couldn't believe how they could let him go, it really got me down for a long while.

At 12 weeks I ended up in hospital as a midwife changed the medication I was on and I had an allergic reaction. I've not been on anti d's since. So OH had to take time off then to look after me when I got home as it took a while to recover.

At 14 weeks I had a massive bleed whilst shopping in ASDA, 2 days later I finally got an emergency scan. Baby was fine but I had to have a scan 2 weeks later because the amniotic fluid was low. At 17 weeks another scan confirmed my AFI was only 3cm (normal is 10cm) and they could only find one kidney. It was confirmed I had Oligohydraminos (basically the posh word for low fluid) and I was sent off to Cardiff's UHW to have scans in the Fetal Medicine Unit.

18 week scan revealed baby was a boy, he had 2 kidneys and my fluid was steadily rising. An internal confirmed I'd broken my waters so was put on strict bedrest.

19 weeks scan confirmed fluid was still rising, slowly, but getting there.

20 weeks was my official anomaly scan. Everything perfect with baby, he was still growing against the odds. I couldn't believe it as I'd been told I would most likely miscarry or have a stillbirth if I got past 24 weeks.

24 weeks shockingly revealed my waters had healed themselves!! Best news ever! I still have scans monthly to keep an eye on the fluid, my last scan revealed the fluid had gone down by 2cm but it was still over 10cm so no need to worry yet. My next scan is on Monday.

Haha I hope you're still with me... it sounds like a soap story!!

8 weeks ago my OH had a nasty fall in the garden and bashed his back. He was rushed to hospital, had lots of x-rays, physio etc. and was off work for 6 weeks. First week he rung in sick/put in a self cert then every 2 weeks after that he had a doctors note.

Physiotherapists told him he has full movement in his back (yay!) but his pelvis doesn't sit as it should, it tilts forward, pulling him forward so he has to lean back to compensate which is where a lot of the pain comes from. His doctor is worried about arthritis so he's being sent off for tests with that He also has to do a peak flow twice a day as he may have asthma (will see the asthma nurse in a few weeks).

2 weeks ago his doctor allowed him to go back to work but he had to go back on ammended duties/hours. The nurse who works for his company also confirmed this and said he could only work 30 hours a week (five 6 hour shifts) and he could not do any heavy lifting, no tipping trailers etc.

On his first night back he was greeted by a torrent of abuse by his other night managers they have since been bullying him like you wouldn't believe.

He was told by staff that they'd overheard a manager promising my OHs job to another member of staff. Said member of staff had just been offered the same job in a Swansea store but had turned it down!! When my OH asked her why she said she wanted something in this store and asked if my OH was stepping down anytime soon as she would like the job.

He has to go to a disciplinary this week for his absence

He's also being investigated because he left some keys in a place they shouldn't have been. Apparently this happened over 8 weeks ago, my OH can't remember it happening. The person who filed the complaint was surprise surprise one of the other managers... this is putting his job on the line and I am terrified

So in all this my OH gets his pay. It is much less than usual because of SSP. Our rent goes out via standing order on the 28th of every month. Last Tuesday our landlord rang screaming and shouting about not having his rent I checked our bank online and was horrified to see only £300 in there. I transferred it straight away but he is hounding us for the rest and we simply don't have it. We've only just finished decorating our baby's bedroom and now we probably won't get to use it

We applied for housing benefit/council tax benefits. Can't get it.

Terrified we rang Shelter who told us to make a homeless application with the council as even though we have a home we cannot afford it so we are technically homeless. Council are trying to brush us off, even me being pregnant doesn't make a difference.

So today we met with the legal/financial advisor for Shelter in my area and thank god we qualified for legal aid or we would have to pay. She says it will take a while but she's going to do her best for us. We need to make a home application for one of the housing associations where we live and she said they will say no as we have arrears but she can prove we only have arrears because we can't afford to pay, not because we can't be bothered.

OMG I am so sorry for the essay, I really can't believe how awful things are at the minute

Lucy1010

You poor thing... it has been one thing after another.... I feel for you

Your story is so sad and this is why I feel so angry at the current system... you'd have been better pregnant at 16, 'allegedly chucked out of home' and housed in a shiny new home.... loser boyfriend in tow (unbeknown to the authorities)
I speak metaphorically

I am glad you are receiving legal aid and thank you for sharing your story, you're really brave and I hope things start looking up for you.

You have a baby on the way now, so you mustn't resort to drastic measures when you feel low, you have a little life on the way that needs you. It's only money, you haven't killed anyone, you're a good person and remember that. As for the abuser, rest in peace that karma will be visiting him sometime soon and it won't be pretty, you will be the one laughing

Bless you xx

Sequeena

Lucy1010 wrote: »

You poor thing... it has been one thing after another.... I feel for you

Your story is so sad and this is why I feel so angry at the current system... you'd have been better pregnant at 16, 'allegedly chucked out of home' and housed in a shiny new home.... loser boyfriend in tow (unbeknown to the authorities)
I speak metaphorically

I am glad you are receiving legal aid and thank you for sharing your story, you're really brave and I hope things start looking up for you.

You have a baby on the way now, so you mustn't resort to drastic measures when you feel low, you have a little life on the way that needs you. It's only money, you haven't killed anyone, you're a good person and remember that. As for the abuser, rest in peace that karma will be visiting him sometime soon and it won't be pretty, you will be the one laughing

Bless you xx

Thank you I'm not angry as such, no-one has forced us to have a baby but it is so hard to get help. I haven't qualified for any sort of benefits, even when I was at my lowest and seeing mental health nurses. I don't understand what we are meant to do. My OH once suggested I lie and say I am single but I just can't do it, it's just not right and I hate any confrontation so being found out terrifies me.

I've been really good mentally for most of this pregnancy but am finding it hard now so I think I will speak to my consultant about going back onto anti d's on Monday.

miggy

Just wanted to send you some {{hugs}} Sequeena and say how sorry I am to hear all this. It's clearly been a terrible time - apart from the good news about the baby of course!
I haven't much to offer in the way of advice but well done for sticking to your guns and telling the truth. I hope the legal person comes up with something for you, and your consultant too.
Let us know how things go - with all these things and not forgetting your Oh's job.

Look after yourself. x

ashaput

i am a student and part time work, so i have earned my own money. i only save £20 for a full month, and save the rest of my income. for me this is good enough to go.

Sequeena

Thank you both, I am so so happy today all I've done is cry!! I'm not sure if I mentioned my OH has not long qualified for working tax credit but he has been told he also qualifies for the disability element of the benefit (because of his back/pelvis and because he has a severe speech impediment - he had meningitis when he was under 1 and the illness left him with the impediment).

The lovely person on the phone who told him also said because he is getting this I now qualify for the £500 surestart grant. We can afford to buy our son a cotbed/wardrobe NOW instead of saving which we were originally going to do (we were given a wooden swinging crib which we are using until 6 months or when he starts pulling himself up).

So so happy

getmeooutofthisdebt

Big thread here and still reading, very interesting.

We (2 adults and 2 young kids) have £100 left for food and entertainment. We have a poor quality of life but don't blame anyone but ourselves for spending money we did not have. 5 years to go to debt free.

miggy

Sequeena wrote: »

I am so so happy today all I've done is cry!!

Sequeena, that's wonderful! So pleased for all of you - I'm sure the baby counts too!

miggy

getmeooutofthisdebt wrote: »

Big thread here and still reading, very interesting.

We (2 adults and 2 young kids) have £100 left for food and entertainment. We have a poor quality of life but don't blame anyone but ourselves for spending money we did not have. 5 years to go to debt free.

Hello and welcome to the forums. I haven't worked out how to address you - is 'Getmeout' okay?

Good luck with the next five years: you'll get lots of support here, should you need it, and plenty of good ideas.