Grumpy OH

pinkshoes

He can't help with the night feeds as he doesn't have boobs, and DS won't take a bottle!

The problem has been solved, in that his mate has also invited another guy out drinking, who is a pain in the derriere when drunk, and is staying over, so OH has decided to drive over, have a couple of pints, then drive home!

Somethingsgottogive, I thing you might be right about an excuse not to go - this mate's kids are now teenagers, but when they were little, he didn't go out at all, thus I think my OH is a little miffed about being guilt tripped into going out. He apologised for being grumpy and said he'll try to be less grumpy tomorrow.

His mate is "lonely", so I've said he's welcome to come round for curry and beers one saturday night (I can cook a good hot curry!), and then I'll drive him home (as I can't drink much due to breastfeeding), but "lonely" appears to mean wanting a woman rather than just company!

OH has only been out and got drunk once since DS was born (he often goes out one night midweek, but only for a couple of beers, and is back by 11pm, as he gets up at 6am for work), but I got really cross with him due to the bathroom trips and being woken up when he got in. I was really grumpy with him for the entire of the next day (I HATE being tired), brought DS into bed at 6.30am when he woke up, turned all the lights and TV on, sang songs, and jingled noisy toys. REVENGE!

Cheers for all the replies!

BB1984

pinkshoes wrote: »

The problem has been solved, in that his mate has also invited another guy out drinking, who is a pain in the derriere when drunk, and is staying over, so OH has decided to drive over, have a couple of pints, then drive home!

I don't know if you mean this literally, or if you mean pints of coke, but you do realise that a couple of pints of beer could well take him over the drink-drive limit?!

BB

p.s. sounds like you've solved your original problem but for what it's worth, I think you were being perfectly reasonable!

property.advert

Sorry but if I knew your other half was going to shovel away a few pints and then drive home the first thing which would happen would end up with him spending the night in the local nick. I cannot believe that as the mother of a new baby you don't see the danger in drink driving, even to the slightest degree. It isn't about being lower than the limit and that being ok but putting the lives of others at risk (I couldn't care if the drunkard kills only themselves). I am appauled you (and presumably your partner) think this is the solution to your problem.

Obviously your partner needs to get responsible and realise that his priorities have changed. At least for the time being, he can do more to ease the burden, even if he cannot feed (you can express and babies will use a bottle - try Avent). Take on other household responsibilities perhaps. As for going out boozing with single mates, then that cannot be a regular thing.

On a financial level, have you enough life assurance, income protection, started a savings plan for the child's education needs etc. If not, then there may be no money for boozing anyway. The bloke has to grow up.

scottishchick27

property.advert wrote: »

On a financial level, have you enough life assurance, income protection, started a savings plan for the child's education needs etc. If not, then there may be no money for boozing anyway. The bloke has to grow up.

!!!!!! has that got to do with you? I didn't see the OP asking about financial planning in her post.

RacyRed

pinkshoes wrote: »

His mate is "lonely", so I've said he's welcome to come round for curry and beers one saturday night (I can cook a good hot curry!), and then I'll drive him home (as I can't drink much due to breastfeeding), but "lonely" appears to mean wanting a woman rather than just company!

And he wants to take your hubby out on the prowl with him?

Show this selfish "mate" the red card!

bluenoseam

Interesting to note it's always a one sided story - not a slam by any means, but try to remember that generally speaking we as men find it easier to deal with others of our species as opposed to women who will often look for fault. Calmly & rationally explain that there needs to be rules - 1 a month (note, this means you in turn also have 1 night a month with your friends) and if he wants to drink, then he crashes at his mates house. That personally i don't see as anything unrealistic or unreasonable - like i said it works both ways so long as he's willing to help out. Have you considered that he needs his mate to unload onto as much as it is the other way around, he clearly knows that you have enough on your plate to deal with and doesn't want to concern you with the fact he's struggling to move from his previous life into fatherhood - again that's not something we take naturally!

Just the viewpoint of a bloke - incidentally i can't stress enough the point about drinking, 1 drink = DON'T DRIVE, EVER!!

ailuro2

Glad you got it sorted out - next time tell him he's sleeping on the sofa downstairs when he's been at the pub - or in the spare room if you have one. That's what we do... trying to sleep next to someone who is snoring worse than usual and breathing beer fumes in your face isn't conducive to a good night's sleep - so we don't sleep together after being at the pub. ( Saves the drunk one thinking 3 am is a good time for a "cuddle" too, if you get my drift, haha!:rotfl:)

Blitz01

jinky67 wrote: »

I think he should be bloody grateful you are willing to let him stay out all night!

What do you mean???....... LET HIM?
He's an adult and doesn't need some woman's permission to do anything.

RacyRed

Blitz01 wrote: »

What do you mean???....... LET HIM?
He's an adult and doesn't need some woman's permission to do anything.

They have shared responsibility for a baby. He does need to negotiate time off, as does the OP.

pinkshoes

He was back by 11.30pm!

Regarding drink driving, he'll have a maximum of 2 pints of weak lager, which he generally drinks over 4 hours (plus some soft drinks), and will leave at least an hour after the last pint and driving home.

No spare room for him to sleep in when drunk! We have one room, DS has the other double, and the single bedroom belongs to the dog! I suppose he could snuggle up on the dog bed, as it is rather comfy...

I think it's important he gets to go out with his mates and have some "normality", particularly as he's having a horrible time at work at the moment! I just don't like it when his nights out make my life exhausting! When DS starts sleeping through without night feeds, (at 13 weeks, he is FINALLY showing signs of doing this!), then it won't be so bad being woken by OH!

My other tactic is pointing out that if he needs to keep peeing all night after drinking beer, then perhaps he ought to go to the doctor and get his prostate checked!! (He'll be 40 next year...). The prospect of being prodded and poked "up there" is enough to put him off too many pints!