grandparents getting involved

belfastgirl23

I think it's fair enough that your son and his grandma have an independent relationship where they talk about whatever they like. including you

but that also means that you have a right to choose the topics that you speak to both of them about. So if your mum starts to tell you stuff and you aren't happy, tell her so. Make it clear to her that it's up to her and your son what they say to each other but that you don't have to agree with either of them.

as an aside I think it's actually kind of nice that he'll phone his grandma, not a lot of boys do that - just unfortunate for you that you're in the firing line. I think you did bring him up well and you should congratulate yourself for that

red_devil

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think it's fair enough that your son and his grandma have an independent relationship where they talk about whatever they like. including you

but that also means that you have a right to choose the topics that you speak to both of them about. So if your mum starts to tell you stuff and you aren't happy, tell her so. Make it clear to her that it's up to her and your son what they say to each other but that you don't have to agree with either of them.

as an aside I think it's actually kind of nice that he'll phone his grandma, not a lot of boys do that - just unfortunate for you that you're in the firing line. I think you did bring him up well and you should congratulate yourself for that

thanks for the compliment. Dont get many. My experience of families is more moaning than praising.

candygirl

My DD has gone to my Mum this week with a totallly made up BS story about me, that has resulted in my Mum agreeing to babysit for her whilst I am now denied having my DGD.Very long story but DD is crazy at the mo, preg, hormonal and has always been spoilt which I agree is my fault:o
I am disappointed in my Mum as she always promised not to take over, and condone DD's behaviour, which she now has done:mad::mad:
I'm finding it all a bit disloyal tbh, so can understand how you feel hun:D:D

Primrose

Why shouldn't your adult son ring his grandmother and discuss and problem he's having? You should be thankful that he has the kind of relationship with a grandparent where he feels he can do this.
Maybe you and your son are too alike in temperament and have a tendency to rub each other up the wrong way sometimes? Your son shouldn't have been rude to you, but that's hardly your mother's fault. You mother didn't deliberately get involved in this situation. Your son phoned her and took her into his confidence. As his grandmother she has a place in the family. It's unlikely you'll all have the same views on everything.

red_devil

Primrose wrote: »

Why shouldn't your adult son ring his grandmother and discuss and problem he's having? You should be thankful that he has the kind of relationship with a grandparent where he feels he can do this.
Maybe you and your son are too alike in temperament and have a tendency to rub each other up the wrong way sometimes? Your son shouldn't have been rude to you, but that's hardly your mother's fault. You mother didn't deliberately get involved in this situation. Your son phoned her and took her into his confidence. As his grandmother she has a place in the family. It's unlikely you'll all have the same views on everything.

why should i be thankful he feels able to criticise me to his grandmother thats nothing to be thankful for.

I agree its not her fault he swore but him ringing her hasnt solved anything, and now when she asks me what happened the problem will be prolonged by me having to explain what happened. Instead of having a nice cheery light chat on the phone we'll end up speaking about problems.

candygirl

red_devil wrote: »

why should i be thankful he feels able to criticise me to his grandmother thats nothing to be thankful for.

I agree its not her fault he swore but him ringing her hasnt solved anything, and now when she asks me what happened the problem will be prolonged by me having to explain what happened. Instead of having a nice cheery light chat on the phone we'll end up speaking about problems.

Exactly, that's what i'n not happy about too hun:mad::mad:

JC9297

Perhaps when you and your son are on better terms again you can let him know that you would prefer that he didn't discuss issues between the two of you with his grandmother.

LisaLou1982

Hey OP

I can sympathise - similar things seem to happen in my family all the time!
Cant offer much advice, as my tendancy is usually to tell the person butting in to mind their own business and let whoever is involved just get on with it. But obviously i appreciate that that approach might not work in all families!

Hope you get it sorted soon x

Errata

Your son is an adult, you can't dictate who he speaks to about what, and how. All you can do, if asked, is give your view of things.

FunnySaving

red_devil wrote: »

I agree the fact he swore is not her fault. Him phoning her has solved nothing though.

Thanks for your input!

red_devil wrote: »

him ringing her hasnt solved anything

I think you've hit the nail on the head there - him ringing her didn't solve anything, but that's not really her fault. It sounds as though you might be focussing your anger about the whole situation on your Mum, and although it's not nice not to be believed, it doesn't sound as though this incident has actually made things any worse with your son if you weren't really talking before anyway.

Parents can always wind you up more than anyone else, and if you're feeling vulnerable because you've had a rift with your son, then it's understandable that you don't want her input, but it does sound as though you need to resolve the situation with your son regardless of whether your Mum's involved. I'd be willing to bet that if you can patch things up with your son, you'll be able to be a little calmer about your Mum too and perhaps be able to explain to her how her interference made you feel without blowing your top.