grandparents getting involved

red_devil

Does anyone have any parent/s who get involved in their sons/daughters problems with their children and how do you deal with it?

I am annoyed with my mum at the moment she has been speaking on the phone with my adult son behind my back and discussing things. My son had a grievance and instead of phoning me he phoned her and just put his spin on it as people do?

She believes him and tells me at the weekend to phone him. I did and he was just rude and aggressive. Nothing was solved. None of us live near each other btw so we speak on the phone mostly.

I have told him to speak with me if there is a problem i dont bite and not going talking behind my back and not even telling the whole story. I am due to speak with her shortly. We normally have an alloted time when we speak which is a good time for both of us. I know if i say what i feel exactly world war 3 will break out so i need to get it across assertively. It so annoys me her thinking she can get involved and criticise me. She isnt perfect herself and some her parenting leaves alot to be desired yet she thinks she can get involved in my life when she dosent know all the full facts?


Grrrrrr anyone else had this? Imo she shouldnt get involved and she should tell him to get in touch with me. The Two of them have made things worse now?

tanith

You say your son phoned your Mum to discuss the problem , thats not your Mums fault if he felt he wanted to talk about it with someone not involved. It wasn't your Mums fault if he was rude and aggressive when you spoke to him. It seems your Mum was trying to get you two together to talk from what you say which is frankly what I'd do if my grandson phoned me with a problem with my daughter..

ellay864

When I read the first line of this post I assumed it was going to be an understandable grievance about a grandparent interfering in matters concerning a child eg a stroppy hormonal teenager.
But just because you are the parent, it does not make him a child - you say he is an adult, and you also say that none of you live together so I'm guessing he is either a student living away, or has his own home/family. In any case, he is an adult, he has chosen who he wants to speak to. Her parenting skills are not really relevant here, and it doesn't sound to me like she is trying to interfere and get involved with your life - she just suggested you speak to your son as she knew there was something going on, which seems perfectly resonable. If she had carried on talking to you son and not involved you, would that have made you happy or would you then have felt she was interfering and getting too much involved in his life?

red_devil

she assumed he was right when he told her of the grievance though. She also said something about me to him which is what i dont like also.

sandraroffey

is it worth all this??? lifes too short for adding to the grievances and all that other rubbish.

. and that goes for all of you!!!!!!!!!!

elvis86

red_devil wrote: »

she assumed he was right when he told her of the grievance though. She also said something about me to him which is what i dont like also.

I think maybe you'll need to be more specific, as at the moment, like other posters, I can't really see as your mum has done much wrong other than pick up her telephone, not immediately hang up/somehow transfer the call to you upon hearing her grandson's voice, and try to encourage you to resolve whatever issue there is?

With so much distance between you all, I'm tempted to say that it's nice that you all keep in touch so readily!

red_devil

sandraroffey wrote: »

is it worth all this??? lifes too short for adding to the grievances and all that other rubbish.

. and that goes for all of you!!!!!!!!!!

yep i totally agree with you. Familes are quite good at getting involved though and pointing out peoples faults before they look to themselves.

I thought he would be aggressive if i contacted him but i did cos she asked me too. Got told to f off basically.

cant win.

ellay864

I can understand why you're upset but you said she should have told him to speak to you...instead she told you to speak to him...the two of you talk either way so it's the same end result surely? And the fact she believes him is just one of those things...if you hear something from 2 different people giving opposite versions you'd probably have one you believed. She still has tried to get you 2 talking to each other, so in that case it's not really an issue over who she believes if it's still down to you and your son to sort it out. And if she is saying incorrect stuff about you, at least if you talk to him you can correct that. Tell her the truth yourself so she has both sides of the story, but when it was your son that made the move to call her, that's hardly her fault.
It sounds like there's something deeper between you and him if he gets rude and aggressive when you speak to him, and maybe that's why he called her. And given how lots of us (myself included) have gripes over our mums, thats often the reason we prefer our nans - the very things that my mum didnt like about my nan were the very things that made me gravitate to nan and feel I could talk to her better

ellay864

red_devil wrote: »

yep i totally agree with you. Familes are quite good at getting involved though and pointing out peoples faults before they look to themselves.

I thought he would be aggressive if i contacted him but i did cos she asked me too. Got told to f off basically.

cant win.

Now you've got it! You're not meant to win...between the oldies and our kids, us mums just manage...winning isn't an option

Your son isn't a City fan by any chance is he??? Might explain the mood to you :rotfl:

red_devil

ellay864 wrote: »

I can understand why you're upset but you said she should have told him to speak to you...instead she told you to speak to him...the two of you talk either way so it's the same end result surely? And the fact she believes him is just one of those things...if you hear something from 2 different people giving opposite versions you'd probably have one you believed. She still has tried to get you 2 talking to each other, so in that case it's not really an issue over who she believes if it's still down to you and your son to sort it out. And if she is saying incorrect stuff about you, at least if you talk to him you can correct that. Tell her the truth yourself so she has both sides of the story, but when it was your son that made the move to call her, that's hardly her fault.
It sounds like there's something deeper between you and him if he gets rude and aggressive when you speak to him, and maybe that's why he called her. And given how lots of us (myself included) have gripes over our mums, thats often the reason we prefer our nans - the very things that my mum didnt like about my nan were the very things that made me gravitate to nan and feel I could talk to her better

yes i will put her in the picture. There are always two sides to a story a judge in a courtroom would always hear two sides. I dont like the way she thinks he is right. I would actually prefer she didnt get involved. Her own relationship with her own son isnt brilliant but i dont get involved and comment.

I cant win. I phoned him because she asked me too then he swears at me so why did he complain to her if he dosent want to speak.

I agree the fact he swore is not her fault. Him phoning her has solved nothing though.

Thanks for your input!

red_devil

ellay864 wrote: »

Now you've got it! You're not meant to win...between the oldies and our kids, us mums just manage...winning isn't an option

Your son isn't a City fan by any chance is he??? Might explain the mood to you :rotfl:

lol no he dosent like football. I think your right we are not meant to win we just struggle on with our families.