Health advice for my 8 year old overweight son please...

jog

Hi,

If the GP isn't being very helpful, I would urge you to speak to your School Nurse. She would certainly be able to offer you support with this.In some areas she can refer to the dietitian or a community Paediatrician for you, also sounds like your son's mental health is suffering from what you said, the school nurse can do self image work with him and refer for more specialist help if necessary.

She could get him weighed and measured properly - you said you've used a tape measure to do his height? They can measure him properly and then plot both his height and weight so they can work out where he is on a centile chart - this is very helpful to see the extent of the problem and understand what needs to be done.

As has already been said the emphasis with children is often on maintaining their weight so, as they grow, they grow into it rather than trying to get them to lose weight as such, but this needs to be looked at by someone like a dietitian.


You need to talk to the school about it so they are aware of what you are doing and hopefully support you with it. If there are problems with attendance and the school are having meetings to discuss this if the school nurse is supporting you she might be able to attend the meeting with you to talk about the issues with your son's weight / and mental health.

I would second the Fit 4 Life web site it is really good and has lots of practical info on it.

Good luck with all of this, it sounds like you have made a good start but you need the right support, there is no 'quick fix' to these types of problems, but small changes can make a big difference in the longer term.

Take Care

Jog

ailuro2

From everything I've read here I've not seen anyone tell you NOT to get your son to lose weight - as adults we all know that the more diets we go on the fatter we end up...

it's widely suggested that kids should not lose weight, but be fed a healtheir diet and then "grow up" into their weight.... so if your son is 4 feet tall now by the time he grows a bit more he'll be less overweight for his height.

Judo will be good for his self esteem, but will not be working him for a whole hour - standing watching throws and grapples means he isn't moving , so it won't all be exercise, iyswim. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be doing it, but that he needs more than just an hour of Judo a week.

You mentioned the park and your 4 year old moaning - get her a scooter - that will save her legs, and also save you posting the same thing for her 4 years down the line.:) Encourage them for a few weeks until they don't really think of it as a long walk anymore.

My DD was definitely a bit on the chubby side, and asked to go on a diet - I refused, but said if she wanted I could feed her healthier food and give her fewer treats as that is what I felt would be healthier for her than dieting. She has grown upwards but not put on much weight and looks much better now. I also told her it was natural for some kids to carry a bit of extra weight in order to fuel their next growth spurt. One of her friend's Mums said she went veggie when she was a kid and blames that on not being very tall. I know that both of these are not really true - but it helped her feel a bit better about herself and not so down about being chubby.
When I say chubby, I do mean a bit of visible fat around the middle and a bit of fatness in the face, not waddling along and struggling to run ( I think this is a good way to tell if a kid is carrying excessive extra weigh - how long can they run for before they get really out of breath?)


Some of your past food choices for him are pretty unhealthy, but don't beat yourself up over it, decide to change everyone's food for the better.... No one food is bad for you or him, but eating bad food every day is bad for him.

simple rule to help you decide what's OK and what's not-

if it's processed don't eat it. ( so out go the pork pies, gravy, sauces and in come lots of roast veggies, plain meat, couscous, herbs etc)

The plate size is important too... we have three sizes of plates - dinner size, and large and small sideplates. DD is 12 but still has a big sideplate rather than a dinnerplate. If he makes a mess with a smaller plate then put a bit of kitchen roll or a teatowel under his plate.

Eat at a table as a family if you have the room - it's been shown time and time again this is great for families to do.

One last thing - how does he know about the biggest loser... it's on at nine o'clock at night, I think that's so that kids can't see it.

Good Luck, sorry if this post sounds a bit "preachy" I don't mean it to come across like that, but I do know how hard it is for kids to be a bit different from their friends ( I'm sure the stick thin ones amongst my DD's friends weep and wail about their size too)


one last thing - involve your son in this - tell him it's not a diet it's a healthy menu to fuel his body for all the activities you're all going to do together. Get out every day you can to the park, invite friends there for a picnic on the weekends, ask him if he'd like couscous for lunch, get a flask and let him take home made soup to school. Ask him to choose what he wants as a treat for after Sunday dinner ( yes, it's only once a week for treats in our house)

busiscoming2

I haven't read all the posts so sorry if I am repeating.

My ds2 is a big lad, when he was your sons age he was 'overweight'. We spoke about doing something about it (he knew he was big too), although he didnt have too bad a diet, I realised the problem was mainly due to me. As he was big I gave him portions that were just too big in reality for his age. I reduced his portion size and told him he wasn't on a diet but that he would 'grow' into body, meaning as he got bigger he wouldn't put anymore weight on, just grow. IYKWIM.

Five years on and he is about right for his age and height. He will never be skinny but can't be called fat.

Mrs_Arcanum

If your son has school dinners he needs to take nothing but a piece of fruit and a drink to school. If the school dinners are anything like our local primary they are not huge portions anyway.

Another good one is getting him to drink more water.

Taliahmai

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you are feeding him crap, this ^^^^ stuff, crisps, chocolates, readybrek (full of sugar), then what is potentially good - onions and leeks, you fry. You stick the food on huge plates. And then, when he has eaten three sausages, mashed potato (with butter and milk, I presume?) Tiny bit of milk and no butter, fried onions and leeks fried in fry light, (and a bit of carrot and broccoli - hopefully not dotted with butter - no gravy?) no never putter butter on my veg and i steam cook them, we don't have gravy either but he does sometimes have tomato sauce finished off with a yoghurt (Muller corner, by any chance? The ones with chocolate or syrup covered fruit?)No, he usually either has a muller light or a frube, or sometimes the little pots of jelly and then reward him for piling in more than my 11 year old eats with chocolate and then feed him again half an hour later because you feel sorry for him?

Does he drink any fluids at all? Are they full sugar fizz or full sugar fruit juice/squashes/chocolate milkshake? He drink sugar free squash during the day, with a hot chocolate before bed, made with water and no added sugar


The sort of volume of food you would be looking at for a small child such as this is nearer what would comfortably fit on a tea plate - you know, the ones that have just enough space for a sandwich.


Does the ham sandwich have a thick layer of butter on it? A scrape of mayonnaise or cream cheese would have less fat. Any lettuce, tomato, cucumber, spring onion or pickle added to get his veg count up?No i ony put a tiny bit of butter on as he doesnt like mayo, he doesnt like salad either, except cucumber, lettuce and tomato he really doesnt like

Has he tried plain strips of chicken breast stir fried and served in wholemeal wraps with various veggies - courgettes, tomatoes, onions, leeks - and a small dab of cheese/mayo/cream cheese? Definatly something i will try for him, thank you

Has he tried steamed salmon on a bed of steamed new potatoes, some green beans and frozen sweetcorn? Yes we do often have fish for dinner, usually cooked in the oven bags from the fresh fish counter from asda, with no added butter

Has he had a broth based soup with shredded chicken in it to help fill him up at dinner? He always wants bread with his soup when he does have it:o

Does he get offered water or other low calorie drinks first when he moans he's hungry, because he could actually just be thirsty? Yes he does, this is down to me and i fully admit that, i need to be firmer with him, but i wont lie i find it difficult, ive had 8 years of been too soft and im now paying the price for it, its just hard to change overnight



I can't dress it up nicely and say what he is being given is fine. There's too much of it, it's full of fat, salt, sugar or all three of the above.

You need proper food education. He is unhappy and the food you are giving him - and the messages about food you are teaching him - are contributing to his unhappiness. Couldnt agree more, which is why im trying to ask for help...yes i should of done it years ago, but i want to help him before he moves up to senior school, i know kids can be mean and will only get worse as he gets older


So get back to the GP and tell him that you need an urgent referral to a dietician, because you genuinely don't seem to have a clue about how to change things.

Thank you for your honesty, i really appreciate it, im just going to ring the dr's now and try and get some help with this. Reading through this thread has shown i need as much help with this as he does, and if i dont understand what to be giving him then he has no hope....thank you

mountainofdebt

One of the things that I don't think has been mentioned is that you need to manage your son's expectations.

I overheard someone say once that he hadn't put the weight on overnight so he wasn't going to lose it overnight either.

Can't help but think that your son is seeing the diet drinks as a 'quick fix' whereas the issue is going to take longer than he thinks it is.

With regards to the portion size have you thought about about getting one of those 'diet plates' for him ? i know they are expensive (for what they are) but might be worth getting just to get portion control (and the balance of carbs / protein etc) right

The other thing is (if you control the number of calories he has) is to weight foods so he sees how much more low fat food he can have as opposed to high fat food for the same number of calories

Becles

Taliahmai wrote: »

Re the exercise etc, i also have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and im on my own with them,so it can be difficult finding something we can all do together, ive tried going for a walk to the park (about a half hour walk away) but my 4 year old struggles and just complains and cries that her legs hurt!.

Just something else to think about - you need to get them all used to walking as you could end up writing the same thing about the other two in the future.

When my youngest started walking, I'd let her out of the pushchair when we took the dogs out. She just walk a few steps at first, but it gradually got longer and longer. I ditched the pushchair shortly after her second birthday as she could manage to do the dog walk loop (just under a mile) without complaining. She's three now and thinks nothing of walking to the shop in the next village and back (1.5 mile round trip).

I know it's difficult being on your own with three, but you've got the chance to stop the problem before it starts with the younger two, if you put a bit of effort in now.

I've found my daughter walks better if I tell her to look out for things. It can be anything - nature item, a red front door, a blue car, letters or numbers on shop signs and so on. It'll keep her busy and she'll forget her legs hurt

Taliahmai

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I haven't read all the posts so sorry if I am repeating.

My ds2 is a big lad, when he was your sons age he was 'overweight'. We spoke about doing something about it (he knew he was big too), although he didnt have too bad a diet, I realised the problem was mainly due to me. As he was big I gave him portions that were just too big in reality for his age. I reduced his portion size and told him he wasn't on a diet but that he would 'grow' into body, meaning as he got bigger he wouldn't put anymore weight on, just grow. IYKWIM.

Five years on and he is about right for his age and height. He will never be skinny but can't be called fat.

Thank you, it is me thats the problem i do know that, My son very much takes after his dad build wise, his dad is a rugby player and has the big broad shoulders etc, so i know my son will never be skinny. Im definately going to cut the portion sizes down! Its going to be hard to start with i think though as he is going to complain he is still hungry etc...but i know i need to do it thank you

Taliahmai

ailuro2 wrote: »

From everything I've read here I've not seen anyone tell you NOT to get your son to lose weight - as adults we all know that the more diets we go on the fatter we end up...

it's widely suggested that kids should not lose weight, but be fed a healtheir diet and then "grow up" into their weight.... so if your son is 4 feet tall now by the time he grows a bit more he'll be less overweight for his height.Ive never used the word Diet with him, ive always said we all need to change what we eat to a healthier choice

Judo will be good for his self esteem, but will not be working him for a whole hour - standing watching throws and grapples means he isn't moving , so it won't all be exercise, iyswim. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be doing it, but that he needs more than just an hour of Judo a week.

You mentioned the park and your 4 year old moaning - get her a scooter - that will save her legs, and also save you posting the same thing for her 4 years down the line.:) Encourage them for a few weeks until they don't really think of it as a long walk anymore. She does have a scooter, i just mever thought about taking it for some reason? Its definatly something i will do now the weather has faired up a little

My DD was definitely a bit on the chubby side, and asked to go on a diet - I refused, but said if she wanted I could feed her healthier food and give her fewer treats as that is what I felt would be healthier for her than dieting. She has grown upwards but not put on much weight and looks much better now. I also told her it was natural for some kids to carry a bit of extra weight in order to fuel their next growth spurt. One of her friend's Mums said she went veggie when she was a kid and blames that on not being very tall. I know that both of these are not really true - but it helped her feel a bit better about herself and not so down about being chubby.
When I say chubby, I do mean a bit of visible fat around the middle and a bit of fatness in the face, not waddling along and struggling to run ( I think this is a good way to tell if a kid is carrying excessive extra weigh - how long can they run for before they get really out of breath?)


Some of your past food choices for him are pretty unhealthy, but don't beat yourself up over it, decide to change everyone's food for the better.... No one food is bad for you or him, but eating bad food every day is bad for him.

simple rule to help you decide what's OK and what's not-

if it's processed don't eat it. ( so out go the pork pies, gravy, sauces and in come lots of roast veggies, plain meat, couscous, herbs etc) Thankfully he is really good when it comes to eating veg and cous cous, jacet potatoes etc the only thing he doesnt like is salad...so hopefully this wont be too hard

The plate size is important too... we have three sizes of plates - dinner size, and large and small sideplates. DD is 12 but still has a big sideplate rather than a dinnerplate. If he makes a mess with a smaller plate then put a bit of kitchen roll or a teatowel under his plate. I have loads of the melamine kids plates and use these for my daughter, so i will be switching my son onto them too

Eat at a table as a family if you have the room - it's been shown time and time again this is great for families to do. thats one thing ive always done with them, we eat every meal at the table together

One last thing - how does he know about the biggest loser... it's on at nine o'clock at night, I think that's so that kids can't see it. He does watch that with me yes, its that programe that made him ask me if he could join the gym, ive been looking at the biggest looser game for the kinnect for him and me to do together

Good Luck, sorry if this post sounds a bit "preachy" I don't mean it to come across like that, but I do know how hard it is for kids to be a bit different from their friends ( I'm sure the stick thin ones amongst my DD's friends weep and wail about their size too) Not at all i really appreciate it


one last thing - involve your son in this - tell him it's not a diet it's a healthy menu to fuel his body for all the activities you're all going to do together. Get out every day you can to the park, invite friends there for a picnic on the weekends, ask him if he'd like couscous for lunch, get a flask and let him take home made soup to school. Ask him to choose what he wants as a treat for after Sunday dinner ( yes, it's only once a week for treats in our house) Im going to sit down with him this morning and talk about it with him, stressing we are all going to have a healthier diet, and get him to help me plan the weeks meals so we can choose better foods to eat, the treat idea im definately going to impliment too, only thing is i dont have them at a weekend as they go to their dads house, so it will need to be a treat after school. He has asked to go to the local soft play area though, so thats a defiante options as he runs round constantly and really does tire himself out.

Thank you again

Taliahmai

mountainofdebt wrote: »

One of the things that I don't think has been mentioned is that you need to manage your son's expectations.

I overheard someone say once that he hadn't put the weight on overnight so he wasn't going to lose it overnight either.

Can't help but think that your son is seeing the diet drinks as a 'quick fix' whereas the issue is going to take longer than he thinks it is. I think your right, im going to sit down with him today and talk about it more, im going to look at some websites with him too it hink so we can both understand what is a healthier choice together. He can then see im doing this for everyone and not just him and realise its a long term change and not just something for a few weeks

With regards to the portion size have you thought about about getting one of those 'diet plates' for him ? i know they are expensive (for what they are) but might be worth getting just to get portion control (and the balance of carbs / protein etc) right Ive never heard of a diet plate in all honesty, i will look into it

The other thing is (if you control the number of calories he has) is to weight foods so he sees how much more low fat food he can have as opposed to high fat food for the same number of calories

The controlling calories, is something ive never really understood, so its something im going to have to educate myself on...thanks!