does trust have to be earnt

ovoreo

Cheating is a very emotive topic obviously! Comments like 'once a cheater always a cheater' are rubbish, that's like saying this relationship will end because your last one ended.

If I was with somebody who I knew had cheated I'd be weary but it sounds like you've discussed your past and he's either comfortable with that or not. If you don't mind me asking how long have you been together? Trust has to be earned yes but that should have been done naturally within a few weeks of being in a relationship.

ovoreo

thorsoak wrote: »

So has the divorce gone through yet?

Be careful! If your husband hasn't divorced you for adultery then he just might if he finds out about your new relationship! Adultery is still adultery even when seperated.

balletshoes

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

hi there no offence taken but i guess the same goes for everyone just because i did it once and admitted to it does that mean i have to be punished for the one mistake for the rest of my life? would he have rather i lied about how my marriage ended to make him feel more secure??doubt it lol

how do you think you are being punished for being honest? your boyfriend still wants to be with you, and his behaviour hasn't changed towards you, so really nothings changed has it? he's also being honest, i don't see anything wrong with that.

duchy

People makes mistakes -not just cheating but in other ways too. I couldn't imagine wanting to be in a relationship with someone like the OP's boyfriend or the "weird" poster.It'd be soooooo wearing being with someone who was utterly perfect and had never made a mistake.

I don't defend cheating (I ended my marriage when I discovered my ex cheated-it entirely changed how I felt about him-I lost all respect for him as a person) but I do know people who've cheated and gone on to have totally exclusive relationships later .

bonjovibel_729

thorsoak wrote: »

With respect Bonjovibell, its only 8 months since you were asking for advice about the break-up of your marriage - and wasn't that your 2nd - or have I got it wrong (thought you had 3 children, 2 by 1 father, 1 by your now ex). So has the divorce gone through yet?

Maybe you are being rather hasty in getting into another relationship so soon - perhaps put it on the "back boiler" for the time being and cool it down a bit, and concentrate on your children? That way, your new partner will see that you can be steady.

with respect i was not asking for advice how to live my life or whether to break up with my bf i was merely asking does trust have to be earnt and what other peoples thoughts were on this matter and just to be clear i have only been married once i have three children yes but did not get married to my first partner

escortg3

duchy wrote: »

People makes mistakes -not just cheating but in other ways too. I couldn't imagine wanting to be in a relationship with someone like the OP's boyfriend or the "weird" poster.It'd be soooooo wearing being with someone who was utterly perfect and had never made a mistake.

I don't defend cheating (I ended my marriage when I discovered my ex cheated-it entirely changed how I felt about him-I lost all respect for him as a person) but I do know people who've cheated and gone on to have totally exclusive relationships later .

No i am not perfect never said i was. I have made mistakes. But my mistakes have never hurt anyone intentionally

An affair is not a mistake. It is something that someone wanted to do. Chose to do, to hurt someone or if not hurt them, deceive them. What happened to honesty. If you dont want your partner end the relationship. If you want your partner be faithful.

You can lock your door to a thief but not a liar. Obviously these are my opinions. Every one is entitled to there own and i respect that. But as the OP asked for peoples opinions i have given mine.

JBD

I'm a bit confused. Did you cheat on your ex with your current boyfriend? If not then how does he know that you cheated?
In my case I wouldn't expect to have to earn anyone's trust. My word is my bond and if that's not good enough then I'm not going to jump through hoops to prove it. At the same time if I knew that someone had cheated in the past then I probably wouldn't ever be able to fully trust them.
It's the same as a lie really, once I know someone has lied then I'm going to take everything they say with a pinch of salt.
I should have added, I would expect the same treatment in reverse. If I was the cheat I wouldn't expect complete trust from my partner.

Primrose

Perhaps it's a little naive of me but I often like to think that you ought to be able to trust somebody simply by getting to know them well enough to figure out for yourself whether they're likely to cheat on you or not. But in your case, yes, I think you will have to earn your boyfriend's trust if you've admitted to cheating previously on your husband , even if it was a one night stand.
He's obviously uncertain in his mind whether you might do the same to him. Perhaps the honourable thing to do would be to tell him that you understand his doubts and give him the chance to walk away if he's frightened of being hurt in a simialr way. Whether he decides to go or stay will probably indicate how much he wants to be able to trust you going forward.

bonjovibel_729

JBD wrote: »

I'm a bit confused. Did you cheat on your ex with your current boyfriend? If not then how does he know that you cheated?
In my case I wouldn't expect to have to earn anyone's trust. My word is my bond and if that's not good enough then I'm not going to jump through hoops to prove it. At the same time if I knew that someone had cheated in the past then I probably wouldn't ever be able to fully trust them.
It's the same as a lie really, once I know someone has lied then I'm going to take everything they say with a pinch of salt.
I should have added, I would expect the same treatment in reverse. If I was the cheat I wouldn't expect complete trust from my partner.

hi there no i did not cheat on my ex husband with my current partner we met months after we had split up he knows because he asked why me and my husband split up and i told him the real reason cos i didnt want to start off on a bad footing with him by making up some other reason for my marriage ending....

Jinx

I dont think all trust has to be earned. Surely as you begin dating and enter a relationship there is a basic level of trust and that deepens as you get intimate and spent more time together........ And obviously providing there has been nothing dodgy on either side that could chip away at that....