How much have you told people/the children?

OneSpike

Just wondering how other people have handled this? In simple terms we owe 80k+ (yes, you did read that right!) and as Nathaniel has just lost a big client (he runs his own company but that's only part of the story) we know there's no chance of meeting all our repayments, which up til now we've always met scrupulously. Apart from all the crap with the creditors it also means being very strict on spending. We live in a nice house but it's not ours, we're private tenants, *have* to have two cars as we live in the !!!!-end of nowhere and have three children and outwardly appear comfortable, if not affluent. I don't know how N and I do it but people always think we're very well off! God knows why as we hardly splash the cash, have very elderly cars, Freecycle and eBay for all we're worth and give home-made jam/iced cookies/cards etc rather than buying expensive things.

Anyway, Nat's two children live with us, 13 and 14 (a big part of the story!), and we have a 4 yr old together. Obviously we aren't going to explain much to the tiny but will have to deny her this and that, not that we go mad on them anyway with presents or treats. The two older ones have their allowance paid by their mother. At 13 and 14 they are old enough to be told something of our circs, but I don't know how much. As much as anything I want them to understand why we'll be strung out, getting difficult phone calls and having to be even more parsimonious than usual. I'm worried that if we don't tell them some of it they'll get concerned that there's something really awful going on. As it is Nat's grandmother has just been taken to hospital with a broken leg and their aunt has just been diagnosed with agressive cancer and has 3-6 months to live, so there's plenty else to be concerned about without this.

We don't rub shoulders with aspirational yuppies, but none the less there's a limit to how much we want to tell people. We do have one set of quite wealthy friends but they're the exception. Unfortunately (well that sounds bad, but YKWIM!) they're people we see a lot as our children are best friends so I did say in passing that things were "difficult" as I think it's going to be nigh on impossible to conceal it from anyone close. I dread telling my parents so will work on a 'need to know' basis with them - honestly, I'm a grown up! Anyway I'm rambling now. What have you told people?

Mrs_Sparkle

I've told my friends we have debts and are working towards paying them off as quickly as possible and they've accepted that- they seemed quite glad to do cheapie things with us too as they're all either paying off mortgages early or building up savings.

Our families don't know how much we owe- they would be absolutely horrified. Once we've cleared everything I intend to come clean to most people about what we've achieved but while we're doing it I feel the need for discretion.

BlueSkyDay

Hi OneSpike and welcome

You sound very calm and brave for someone who is going through such a rough time. I hope things get better for you soon.

I've been pretty open with my DD as she's 17 - she's been brilliant about helping to save money. I've told a couple of my close friends, but not in great detail.

Good luck with it all

Blue

Phoenix79_2

A couple of mates....thats it!

magni

I have told a few friends. I will never tell my parents as they would be horrified at the amount and disappointed in me. At least it is all under control now and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (albeit a very long tunnel:rolleyes: ).

Seaxwyn

Hi there

I tell most friends that things are 'difficult' and we have some debts. Just to explain why I can't go out for drinks etc etc. Same with my parents but I could never come clean about the true extent as they would be horrified.

I told one sister when I was desperate and needed a loan to pay a tax bill. She has been a total brick and not only paid the bill but now pays £100 into my current account each month to cover the cost of school trips, swimming lessons etc. I didn't expect this at all and am overwhelmed with gratitude. I havent told my other siblings mainly as I don't want my parents to hear.

I've told my 12-year old daughters and they are great, one of them has taken on the role of light monitor and ticks us off if a single light is left burning a second when it needn't be. I haven't spelt out the full extent, nor how long it's going to take us to pay it off etc, as they don't need to know. I haven't told the younger children because I don't think money is something they need to worry about at their age.

I havent discussed it with colleagues, but since discovering this board I do find myself looking at people and wondering how many are DFWs as well.

Good luck with it.

Seaxwyn

The_Pink_Wafer

I told my partner as I live with him and a close friend as the stress of keeping it quiet was killing me. I haven't told anyone else (apart from my mother, but she played a part in it) and I mean to keep it that way.

savvykaz

Hi and welcome!
I agree that at the ages of your OH's children it will do them no harm to be told. Our DD is 12 (13 in March) and she knows we owe a fair amount of money (not exact figure) and have a mortgage and when she asks for things and I say "no" she is totally understanding. She gets her own pocket money and I am teaching her the merits of budgeting! It will stand them in good stead for when they get older.

Headintheclouds_3

Amazing how many of us can't bring ourselves to tell our parents, but it's fab that some of you have told your kids :j

I haven't told my immediate family (I am always nagging them about their own finances!) but once I'm debt free I will do. I've told a couple of friends how much I did owe, and my plans for paying it off but I don't go into great details about the scrimping and saving as I don't want them to take pity on me...although I think most of them are smart enough to put 2 and 2 together.

With anyone else I just tell them that I'm 'saving up'

James240

no one knows aobut mine apart from u guys on here

fabianne

My B/F knows and is being supportive and helping out where he can.
I have told my Mum certain things and she really would not be happy if I went bankrupt-When I said "Well I never read the bankruptcy notices in the paper" she replied "Well,I do!" (she is a nosey so and so....lol) I got the impression that she would be more concerned about what people would say and it would be gossip-rather than how it would affect me.
My brother knows things are a bit scary-but has not been supportive(he has his own world of stuff to deal with I guess)
The worst bit is trying to keep it together in front of my business clients,one of whom hugged me and said that she hated seeing me 'down on my luck',which nearly made me cry (No Oscar for me then this year I guess)
I thing it is a pride thing and I agree with the OP about exactly what people assume your life,well let them assume that's what I say!