Weekly Flylady Thread 14th February 2011

pigpen

ooh.. can I sulk then?

Dippypud

Shysarah wrote: »

Oooh Piggers I would be !!!!!! off. Whether it is just a fantasy thing i.e. distance makes it impossible or some sort of escapism maybe? I dunno. I would try not to fret about it at the moment and focus on getting well then think about it/talk to him about how you feel. You don't have to mention what you have seen just that your feeling a little unloved?
*just by tupennies worth*


xx

Piggers, what she said...

ETA: Yup...

Shysarah

pigpen wrote: »

ooh.. can I sulk then?

Just a little sulk. Don't want your sulk making you feel sicker now.. :grouphug:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Hi all,

Going to get some daylight and fresh (oh my, how fresh is it?) air and go to one of the markets today. Maybe two if I get a particular bus back.

Happy birthday Vanilla, hope he doesn't keep on sabotaging himself (and you) by doing stoooopid things.

Happy birthday Thrifty - and Mum's DD - I agree, when you're still 17 in your head, these kids have a terrible habit of contradicting you.

Dippy - if you had one, you would go 'eeerrrrgggghhh', feel sick, have a head rush and wish you had never bothered, at best, fall over and throw up at worst (and everyone would laugh at you for having one when you don't smoke). Trust me on this. Of course, I never lapsed when I stopped doing it. I never did exactly that in front of half of the work crowd. Never. :whistle: I would suggest a super duper ice cold glass of water, as you have to stop and sip it slowly, which is more why you are craving, especially if you're a bit dehydrated, sluggish and tired at the same time as feeling frazzled.

Greenbee,

Sticking my oar in again [looks for tin hat and flak jacket]


When I split up with FW2, my head was all over the place. I got involved with someone I knew and the poor sod was in love. However, I was determined to 'put my children first', couldn't commit to seeing him at any time, was quite moody, told him I wanted to see him as it made him happier to hear it, but never really made the effort. Truth is, he was a 'Barrier ****' - the person that helped me separate in my mind and other people's (such as FW himself) that I was no longer with FW. There was no future in it, there never was, but as I was used to long term things, it seemed wrong to just do the deed and dump him. I was wrong, I hurt his feelings, but as soon as I realised what I was doing to him, I took a deep breath and told him that I didn't want a relationship. I felt pretty rotten about it, but at least I managed to be honest with him, rather than be passive and keep messing him around in the hope that he would just disappear.......


And Piggers,

I would suggest yes, leave the window open. Possibly with a post it note saying 'Rule #1: Cover your tracks'

He will probably go 'oh, you've been snooping' etc. Then you have full permission to detonate on him.





Going to run away off the market now, see you all later!

jackieglasgow

Still lurking ladies, and still sulking about having to clean the oven. :mad:

Piggers, I would speak to him about it, it may just be a fantasy but he's betraying your trust.

*slips back into lurkdom again*

greenbee

Dippypud wrote: »

Thanks for that Toots ,
I'm also having trouble giving up the mints...:o

Do you have an addictive personality by any chance?:p

pigpen wrote: »

My house is a pit.. and I feel like poopsies...

I just need to offload my paranoia and insecurity on you.. I'll keep it brief.. If your OH had 2 FB accounts and chat windows open to the same person in both.. 1 all perfectly innocent but wrote in the other to someone they were his valentine and told them several times he loved them and when they were off for a snooze said he wished he was right there too.. would you be !!!!!! off??? Bear in mind he hasn't said any of those things to me in a while, if ever..

So.. do I have a growl at him, in which case he would know I had sneaked on his lappy and read his chat with this person.. He did say this person was nothing more than a friend in the beginning but I can't help but think that is not his doing and she is stringing him along and he would be there in a flash if she asked him to be.. in spite of the plane fare!

See, they are essentially all exactly the same.. and I am VERY much on the verge of booting him but I may be over-reacting due to KH's behaviour.. I feel really unwell and am being a little unreasonable and irrational and hormonal anyway.

I may be really sneaky and leave this post on screen so he can read it and he'll know I've read his and I'll know he read mine.. no communication or confrontation needed..

If you're anything like me, you'll over react first and then think later, so much better to offload here. It sounds like the two of you need some time to yourself - you're both so caught up with day to day life and family that maybe you're forgetting about being just the two of you? I know its difficult until Freja is weaned, but how about having a word with DS1 and DD1 and seeing whether they can help you to arrange to farm out all the others for a weekend/part of half term or whatever, and you and OH can go away somewhere (with Freja if necessary... or if it's when she's weaned, she can have a mini-break of her own with his parents ). In the meantime, just try to make the odd evening special, and make sure he knows how important he is to you.Hopefully that will remind him of why he's with you.

In response to what Jojo has said... of course, anyone dumb enough to get caught usually wants to be caught...:p

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

i

Greenbee,

Sticking my oar in again [looks for tin hat and flak jacket]


When I split up with FW2, my head was all over the place. I got involved with someone I knew and the poor sod was in love. However, I was determined to 'put my children first', couldn't commit to seeing him at any time, was quite moody, told him I wanted to see him as it made him happier to hear it, but never really made the effort. Truth is, he was a 'Barrier ****' - the person that helped me separate in my mind and other people's (such as FW himself) that I was no longer with FW. There was no future in it, there never was, but as I was used to long term things, it seemed wrong to just do the deed and dump him. I was wrong, I hurt his feelings, but as soon as I realised what I was doing to him, I took a deep breath and told him that I didn't want a relationship. I felt pretty rotten about it, but at least I managed to be honest with him, rather than be passive and keep messing him around in the hope that he would just disappear.......

This is what he needs to work out, and to be honest, so do I. Some stuff we need to work out separately, some together. But I cannot criticise him for wanting to put the kids first - they were out of control while he was gone, and him being home has made a difference to that. He's learning a lot about himself, including understanding how way out his self-perception was. I think he's almost hit the bottom now, so hopefully he'll have the strength to climb back up out of the hole he's landed in.

Showered and dressed... lunch made and half eaten. Need to find blackberry headset for my next meeting as have to drive to and from the salon between meetings (need waxing before my next sports massage as the bruising on my leg has finally gone down enough). Need to dry hair as won't have time before going out, and I am NOT letting him see how crap I spend most of my time looking. Even if I CBA at home, I'm keeping up appearances to the outside world!

pigpen

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

And Piggers,

I would suggest yes, leave the window open. Possibly with a post it note saying 'Rule #1: Cover your tracks'

He will probably go 'oh, you've been snooping' etc. Then you have full permission to detonate on him.

Excellent.. and i'll tell him you authorised it lol

greenbee wrote: »

If you're anything like me, you'll over react first and then think later, so much better to offload here.

I do normally but as I am aware of that I am trying not to.

It sounds like the two of you need some time to yourself - you're both so caught up with day to day life and family that maybe you're forgetting about being just the two of you? I know its difficult until Freja is weaned, but how about having a word with DS1 and DD1 and seeing whether they can help you to arrange to farm out all the others for a weekend/part of half term or whatever, and you and OH can go away somewhere (with Freja if necessary... or if it's when she's weaned, she can have a mini-break of her own with his parents ). In the meantime, just try to make the odd evening special, and make sure he knows how important he is to you.Hopefully that will remind him of why he's with you.

She doesn't know his parents well enough to stay with them and his mother barely copes with herself! Evenings.. I am fit for nothing but bed.. and he likes to stay up and enjoy the childfree peace!

I have 1 night with 1 child down over half term.. sadly it is the one well behaved one!

In response to what Jojo has said... of course, anyone dumb enough to get caught usually wants to be caught...:p

And that's what I am wondering.. does he WANT me to send him packing because he can't make that move of his own accord it has to be me doing it so he is blameless and I am a psycholoon.

Well, more towels to hang out, and a duvet then missy needs feeding again.. .. she just wants to kick me in the bit that feels queasy lol

Mrs_B

Popping in to "try" :eek: to catch up. No chance!

Mouse at home has given up again, and as the only alternative is to lug the PC from upstairs to downstairs, that just wasn't happening yesterday. And as I forgot to print my listy, I was a bit vague about what I had to do. Apart from the cooker, which everyone seems to remember!

Made a start, honest Missus Pigpen - but my oven's always in use, so I'm having to do it in stages. Stage 1 last night, stage 2 in progress now, and to be finished when I get home tonight. Think I need a stage 3, 4 and 5 (to make sure I still have some cooker to use!) so this could be a WIP for the week!

Descaled the kettle. I really need to find out how to clean gunk off the enamel though.

Feeling mardy about the kitchen floor - I should probably mop it every day, but I n-e-e-d that 5 minutes to deal with hotspots and the like - so I'm trying to turn a blind eye now and again - but it's still being done more often that before.

All cushion covers now washed. Dining tablecloth washed. All cake containers now sorted and chucked or properly washed out and put away. :T

CyclingYorkie - well done on completing all the ironing. And commiserations on your family failing to notice all your efforts in the flying department - seems to be a theme for some of us!

ShySarah - pleased you have a lovely weekend. Sending good thoughts your way for the working days ahead.

Pigpen - zilch advice, just not my area of expertise - I'm rubbish on things like that, but it's still sounding like you're run down to the stoppers.

Forgotten everything else. But thanks for all the encouragement along the way. It is certainly the little things that make a difference - like washing and drying the cake tins and skewer this morning, rather than leaving them for tonight.

AnW'sMum

pigpen wrote: »

I may be really sneaky and leave this post on screen so he can read it and he'll know I've read his and I'll know he read mine.. no communication or confrontation needed..

Honesty should be at the core of any reationship, you both need to sit down and have a calm rational discussion about your relationship, your wants and needs, your fears and hopes. There should be no secrets between you as this is where the mistrust starts to leech in and once that trust has gone it is very difficult to regain.

Be honest to yourself first and foremost and the rest should follow.

toottifrootti

piggers you cant get rid of him until you have passed your driving test!
tell him if ge wants to go it is HIS decision that you dont want him to go and you are not making decisions for him.

toots xx


have hung out the towells =dont think they will totally dry but its better than them being draped around inside