How do you 'teach' initiative?

KiKi

I was an avid Famous Five reader.

When I was eight I 'organised' a camping trip for me and our friends. I imagined that we'd go off and camp near a farm where some jolly farmer's wife would give us milk and egg and bread every day (Five Go Off In A Caravan) and we'd have a gay old time sleeping on piles of heather in a cave and wash in a stream.

My mum and dad were rather horrified when the first they knew of this were my friends' parents thanking them for taking their kids away in a week's time. They had to break it to them that they were going nowhere and I was just a very imaginative child.

I was gutted.

KiKi

londoner1998

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Before I start, let me say Junior is a good lad - never had any issues with him regarding school, never been in trouble with the Police and does help when I ask. For example he did a pile of ironing for me this week.

But the problem is just that .....I have to ask.

If I don't, even the things that are blinding obvious don't get done and it really is time that he took his blinkers off.

So how do you teach initiative?

DISCIPLINE- that is the key. Instilling a sense of discipline, with a clear routine and a list of things that need doing, no matter what, is the way to get people motivated. But this has to be done earlier in life, or else bad habits set in. That's why men used to be sent to do the National Service, to 'become' men. Now, I don't necessarily believe in the army as such, but I do believe it does young people a world of good to have strong discipline instilled in them early on. It is good to have a sense of responsibility and as a result,self-respect for a job well done.

Repetition is a technique too, but it takes too much energy...:o (my OH is responding well to that, after 8 years).

I woudl say, establish a routine with Junior, that he knows he has to follow without having to be told ... and see how it goes...
Good luck

Savvy_Sue

Raksha wrote: »

So to 'train' your man to do the ironing, spot him looking at it, and give him a kiss, spot him handling it, give him a big snog, spot him getting the ironing board out - bonk him silly on it........... LOL

:rotfl: I can't help thinking that's not very MSE: I'm sure my ironing board would break if I tried that, and it still doesn't get the ironing done, does it?

Mind you, this is the mother whose son spotted a toy iron at nursery and thought it was a boat! :rotfl:

PasturesNew

Initiative comes from a sense of responsibility. Give somebody the full responsibility for something, with a reward and measure and they'll learn to use their initiative.

You can't expect somebody to randomly be psychic and pluck one of your responsibilities out of the air to complete the task for you.

Give them the responsibility, with the reward perhaps that if it's all done without you even noticing, then they get to pick their favourite tea to eat on Fridays.

tsstss7

Your son does the ironing? When asked ? !! Oh I can only dream.......


For me it's a job (seriously it can take weeks of strategising) getting ds1 to do ANYTHING domestic.....have learned my lesson and started ds2 young, but he'll still try telling me to do whatever I've asked him to do just in case.

money_saving_diva

I think if you have an 18 year old that does ironing when you ask-well done. I hope my son is the same at that age.

I would do the ironing at that age if my mum asked. I knew it needed doing but I wouldn't offer because 18 year olds can always find something better to do. I still put anything before doing the ironing lol! And I must say if our ironing gets out of control my dh will do some! Shock!! Lol!

Anyway What your post made me think was - at his age I would have ironed something I wanted to wear if I was going out and the certain top etc I wanted hadn't been ironed. I wondered if your son does this and you hadn't really thought about it?? I think if he wants a certain top to wear to go out / uniform for work etc and just irons that because he sees it needs ironing for that day without being told you are half way there.

rozmister

KiKi wrote: »

It depends what motivates and interests him. I suspect ironing isn't on the list.

Lol, is it on anyone's list? :P

ladybirdintheuk

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Some of the replies have really brightened up my morning, so thanks guys and I do know I am lucky to have such a good lad, especially when others on here have such really heart-breaking problems with their offspring.

The reason for asking really is that although he's 18 he can be quite naive and in the next year or so needs to 'man-up' and grow in maturity and I guess I see initiative as being one of those areas where there is room for improvement and will help him achieve what he wants to achieve.

I guess that's partly my fault - OH reckons a good starting point would be for me to stop mothering him so lesson 1 has been for bith of us this week has been for me to stop making sure he's up in time for school / work.....and in fairness he discovered a new feature of his bedside clock - the alarm function .....so perhaps he isn't too much of a lost cause.

I was going to ask how old he is. I know I was pretty rubbish at helping out when I was that age too. I don't think housework comes naturally to anyone (it certainly didn't to me... I only get on with it here because there is no-one else to do it for me!), and maybe it needs pointing out a bit more before you stop having to point it out if you see what I mean... Daft question, but have you tried talking to him about it? He is old enough to agree a rota with you or help work out a way that will mean that he does things without you asking. The other thing I can think of off the top of my head is giving him a few jobs that are always his job to do. So that he realises what happens when the bing emptying fairy doesn't visit (or whatever) :rotfl:.

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

:rotfl: I can't help thinking that's not very MSE: I'm sure my ironing board would break if I tried that, and it still doesn't get the ironing done, does it?

Mind you, this is the mother whose son spotted a toy iron at nursery and thought it was a boat! :rotfl:

We're a no-ironing family here too... I don't think Izzy has ever seen me iron!

Messrs_Arthur_and_Terry

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Before I start, let me say Junior is a good lad - never had any issues with him regarding school, never been in trouble with the Police and does help when I ask. For example he did a pile of ironing for me this week.

But the problem is just that .....I have to ask.

If I don't, even the things that are blinding obvious don't get done and it really is time that he took his blinkers off.

So how do you teach initiative?

He's obviously showing a lot of initiative, perhaps you should ask him to help you grasp the concept.:rotfl:

FunnySaving

Errata wrote: »

Males and dogs need very clear verbal instructions. They only use their initiative when they're doing something they shouldn't be.

julie03 wrote: »

initiative in a male? ive not seen it yet

I find this kind of response depressing - on the one hand it's clear sexism, and on the other there is an underlying implication that nobody should expect a man ever to be as interested in housework as a woman so striving for domestic equality is a waste of time. Can we not manage a discussion about housework without playing up to tired stereotypes?