Do you worry about what people think of think of you?

hotpotato_3

Hello,

I am using a different name as I use this site often and worry too much about what people think!
I have always been quite nervous and anxious but in social situations I come across as quite confident. I am chatty and friendly and have a good sense of humour. The problem though is that first meeting people is fine, its the getting to know peole bit that I find hard. Its when someone says do I want to meet them for coffee or go out or something that I kind of recoil. I pull back and don't go and make excuses. Not because I don't like them but because I am not very confident. If I am out with people I analyse how I was afterwards and worry a lot about what people think of me. I look to my boyfriend for reassurance if people liked me or not. I know I have really low self esteem but I am not sure if its normal to feel like this sometimes and to what extent, if you see what I mean. Does everyone feel a little like that or is it just me? I would love to have more friends but I can't seem to break out of my own insecurities. The money saving bit is that maybe I need some kind of counselling to help me if it isn't normal and then I would pay for it, in a money saving way of course. If people are kind enough to reply maybe I can understand if it's 'normal' to feel this way or not! My boyfriend says that I worry far too much and I shouldn't care, but I do. If anyone can understand or advise I would be truly grateful. How do you learn not to care what people think?

rachbc

i would be worried if someone I cared about and respected genuinely felt I wasn't a nice person - but other than that nope, I don;t give a jot!

podperson

I think that most people do worry about things like to a certain extent but there are varying degrees. My partner suffers from social anxiety which is a quite extreme version of it, where you get very anxious regarding social situations and interacting with people. While he is better then he used to be he still gets very worried about meeting new people and will overanalyse conversations and things with his current friends and feel like he's done something wrong etc. While he never got any professional help (we had a dreadful mental health service where we used to live!!) then I believe things like counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy are available.
Perhaps read up a bit on it and see if it seems like you - I think it's becoming a lot more well known now whereas when he originally went to see the doctor they didn't really know what he was talking about.
I'm by no means any kind of expert but if you are wondering on the difference between that and normal everyday anxieties about social situations - I feel anxious about things like meeting new people and whether people like me but I can usually force myself past it and carry on, when he was suffering badly then he couldn't get past it at all.
Reading back that's a little rambly but hope it might help a little x

soupdragon10

I think everyone feels like this - people are always astounded when I tell them how shy I am, but I've learned over the years that if you show an interest in others rather than focusing on how you feel, then it can help to make things easier.

People don't make these requests unless they want to get to know you - so they already have a good opinion of you and are chosing to spend time with you.

Is there a coffee bar that is more familiar to you? I often find that meeting up somewhere that I know well makes me more confident. Also gives a good start to a conversation as you could mention particular dishes/cakes that you've enjoyed in the past.

Best of luck

seafarers_wife

i feel like this sometimes, i dont have alot of close friends i have mainly aquaintences and find i tend to keep myself to myself till i get to know people.

friends have said when they first met me i come accross as very stuck up and snobby, but they cant or wont pinpoint what it is that gave them this impression so i struggle to meet friends in new situations and groups because of this and am now paranoid about coming across as stuck up.

i blame my mum she taught me to give attitude as good as i get and i think sometimes i just give attiutde without realising it especially in new situations when im nervous.

balletshoes

OP I think everyone feels the way you do to some extent especially when you're young. Until I was about 26 I hadn't really settled into the adult me. Before then, I guess I did care what folk around me thought of me.

20ish years later, do I care what folk think of me? Nope, the only people who's opinion I care about are my immediate family, my 2 best friends - and thats it !

slightlyconfused1

OP

You sound exactly like me. I hate it. I come across as confident but I really have no self confidence at all. I wish I didn't care about what others think of me but I do. I think I am actually a bit more extreme than you (and probably a lot older). As a SAHM I have become really isolated because of this.

You have really helped me because at least I know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Shelley84

I'm the same :-) To the point where I have a few friends who could be really good friends but i just can't seem to get that far. I always worry about what people think. Even my best friend, if she doesn't answer the phone when I call my first thought isn't 'she's busy' its 'oh, have i done something to annoy her'

hotpotato_3

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply it is very kind of you all. You have all been really lovely and advised and some insights into others experiences. I don't feel so alone and isolated. I am very close to my sister and I have one friend that I have known for years and my boyfriend. Apart from that I have a few aquaintances and I am very nervous around my boyfriends friends. I feel like I am only there because I am his girlfriend and I wonder if they would bother with me if I wasn't. I don't use facebook that mush as I don't dare contact people and I don't think many would be that interested in what I am doing. I never know what to write either.

Thanks for the replies, some really nice people around

sassyblue

Yes l'm like you too. I worry too much about what people think of me especially as l had a friend a few years ago (now an ex friend!) who sometimes picked me up on what l said, she tried to make me look bad by twisting things - she was very two faced aswell.... I know SHE was the one with the problem but l can't help feeling bad when honestly, l was never horrible!

People have said they think l'm 'stuck up' too but it's shyness, l don't know what to talk about, l worry l'm boring, etc, etc

And then you'd never know l was like this too because l'm not afraid to stand up for myself either, it's really bizarre!

I do have a tendancy to 'dwell' on things too much and suffer from mild depression so l try to keep myself busy and not think about it too much, l do have alot of friends, though only 2-3 really close ones.

DUKE

Yeah, I do believe that almost everyone has felt like this (apart from the super duper confident) at some point in their lives. Although some would never admit to it. Most of my siblings are confident but shy. Not me I have to be different as I ain't shy but I do lack confidence. I absolutely adore strangers & can't wait to get stuck in to them, but if they try & take things further with me then I take a step backwards.