Can anybody tell me...

annie-c

I think it's a really tough one and best to ask up front.

I've been to so many weddings lately that have been soo expensive for guests - the whole clothes, presents, taxis business can add up to a small fortune even if you are just a regular guest!

e_m_i_l_y_e_m

Hmmm... feeling a bit "poor relation" now as the hen weekend will end up costing £200 and of course, I can't say "no".

Also my significant other is going on the stag evening, which will be at least £70. out of the household budget

We are already cutting corners for this one. We have taken the attitude that they will (hopefully) only do this once and we love our friends and want to be part of their special day. But ... financially... ouch!

Becles

I got married in April and just had the one 9 year old bridesmaid. I paid for everything for her. She was the best man's daughter, and we married in Scotland, so we paid for a room in the hotel for them too.

I would have felt uncomfortable asking them to pay for things.

victory

Skint-gall wrote:

I am sorry but I don't think it is reasonable to just say you owe me £50 for the shoes! I think you should try talking to your friend.

I would be having a serious chat with the so called friend that is for sure!!! xxx

e_m_i_l_y_e_m

Dress is £190.

Fittings - "fittings???" are £25 but they are two of them and it's £12.50 day return on the train to get to the bridal dressmaker. I have a friend who lives around the corner and is a trained dressmaker, she's happy to customise the thing for free but "it's important everybody's dress is done by the same seamstress".

I have irrational feelings of rage and need to vent about this one.

Dress = £190
Dress Fitting = £50 + 2 x £12.50 travel to dressmaker
Shoes = £75 (must be dyed to match dress, wearing own shoes not an option)
Shawl = £22.50 (see above)
Hen weekend = £187 (at the last count)
plus bottle of bubbly (£20)
and travel (£10)
Saturday Hen Dinner = £30
Sunday Post-Hen Lunch = £30

TOTALLING £639.50

And hair-do??? And make-up???

In 20 years time I'll remember the wedding, not the interest on the Barclaycard, but I'm being beggared by this. I feel:

a) I've commited and been honoured to be regarded as such a close friend, and should look at the long term

b) I might not be able to pay my rent in June if I need to cough up for all of this at the same time. I'm running a tight budget.

c) If I told her I can't afford it, my friend would probably offer to pay but I know she is in the process of running up a huge wedding-debt herself and I don't want to pressure her to spend more money that she doesn't have. She's only a trainee teacher.

d) I really have to be part of the important events in her life e.g. I can't avoid post-hen Sunday lunch. She's my friend. I'm gonna have to bite the financial bullet.

For the potential bridesmaid outlay, it would be cheaper to buy the pair a flight to Vegas and get them hitched by Elvis - seriously!!!!

Sorry to spill vemon but better here than amongst people who know me IRL. Comments appreciated to help me keep a sense of perspective!

e_m_i_l_y_e_m

... my other half is looking at having to pay to hire a morning suit from Moss Bros and that ain't cheap.

iwanttosave_2

Blimey, to be honest, I would have told her I was using my own seamstress or she can then either pay for it herself, or lump it.

You could go on holiday for a fortnight for what you are paying for a day. I would be fuming.

pboae

e_m_i_l_y_e_m wrote:

c) If I told her I can't afford it, my friend would probably offer to pay but I know she is in the process of running up a huge wedding-debt herself and I don't want to pressure her to spend more money that she doesn't have. She's only a trainee teacher.

If she can't afford it, she needs to scale down her plans, rather than looking to others to foot the bill.

How about telling her you just can't afford it, (realistically you are looking at £1,000, by the time you add all the extras on like drinks on the hen night and wedding, plus OH's costs). If she says she can't afford it either, then so be it. If she offers to pay, maybe you could go half and half if you feel you want to contribute something?

When we got married, I paid for everything, but it was done on a shoestring, and my Mum actually made the dresses, I bought the material and the shop I got my dress from got shoes dyed to match.

But, I thought the etiquette of BM dresses was that if the BM gets to choose it (within reason) and it's something they can wear again (i.e. not obviously a BM dress) then they would contribute towards the cost. If it was a definite BM dress, picked by the bride, and of little use afterwards, or hired for the day, then it was the bride's responsibility.

I did recently decline an invite to a very close friend's wedding as she had chosen to have it abroad in a resort only served by scheduled airlines, so we would've had to go for a week. All in all it was going to cost around £1,500 for us to go, *and* use a week of my precious annual leave. I made my excuses. If it had meant that much for her to have us there, she'd have picked a more reasonable venue!

lottee

Not sure if there is any right or wrong answer to what you or the bride is expected or should pay for, but here are a couple of more examples - just to confuse you even more!!!

As per what I put in another 'bridesmaid' thead running at the mo, at my sisters wedding she paid for the dress, shoes & jewellery (jewellery was b/maid gift). We paid for hair, makeup & nails to be done. (used to get my nails done anyway.) We also had to pay for our flights to Oz - not cheap in January! But hey it was my sister & nothing would of kept from her big day!

Whereas at my wedding, I paid for the dress & jewellery & hoped my bridesmaid to pay for her makeup (which she ended up doing herself!), hair (which a family friend ended up doing as part of our wedding gift!) nails (she did them herself!) I was hoping she would buy some new shoes, but didn't.

Thinking about it, in both cases the dresses could be worn again.

heather38

at my wedding i had 2 BM my sister and cousin i paid for everything hair, makeup, dresses, 1 pair of shoes as my sis had been a bridesmaid earlier in the year and i bought the other BM the same shoes!. flights from ireland for my cousin to come and help pick the dresses (but only because she did this for me for her wedding as i was her BM and felt i had to!) i bought of the shelf dresses that didn't need altering
the only thing i didn't pay for was the hotel room on the night and their travel costs to the wedding.