Help! I'm being smothered!

Tish_P

Argh! Sounds like a hugely frustrating situation. It's entirely reasonable for a parent to want to know within reason where you're going and when you plan to be home, so's they know when not to worry. But it is not reasonable to be mistrustful, or to try to chaperone you or to police your love life. It's none of your mum's business whether you were planning to meet this guy for coffee or "for coffee (nudge, wink)" and she should accept that - you're an adult with a degree and a job, for heaven's sake!

Does she have some problem with this particular guy that she's not telling you? Or would she be like this if you started seeing (or she suspected you were seeing) anyone at all?

Hope you can move out quickly, it does sound like the only long-term solution.

GlasweJen

To answer all the questions:

step dad is still around, he just tells us to let her have her moments which would be fine if her moments weren't all the time! He works a lot (more than he needs to because mum decides to not work at the drop of a hat) so he isn't around for most of it.

Mum had a hysterectomy when I was in primary school so I think she's passed the menopause bit (they took everything out).

I think her problem would be with every guy who wasn't my ex. I met a lovely local guy who is friends with my brother at a music festival but mum ran him down to nothing and again, had never even met him. I don't think she has anything against the new guy at all as they've never met, I think she just doesn't want me dating/meeting people.

euronorris

And that, to me, sounds like she is terrified of losing you. You need to try and explain to her that she won't lose you, she's just letting you live your life, and if she carries on as she is, she WILL lose you.

Mrs_Arcanum

Are there no specialist housing providers in the area who would be able to help? It does seem as though until you can move out the problem will remain as it looks like a bit of space between you and your Mum is what is needed.

GlasweJen

There isn't much help because of my age and my working status, priority goes to people with disabilities and kids/disabilities and housebound/disabilities and elderly. There's not many resources for just plain disabled.

hippyadam

GlasweJen wrote: »

She keeps going on about not being able to afford me moving out

I'm sure your Ma is luvvly but that statement doesn't sit right with me...

GlasweJen

No she's a bit money obsessed. My dad was financially abusive and even though she got rid of him over 20 years ago she's mad about always having money.

RAS

I suspect that the idea that your sister is going to be moving away makes it even harder for her to cope with the idea that you want to move out. Suddenly she really is going to have an empty nest.

I agree totally that you need to do this and that the sooner you do it the better.

Is there anyone in the family who can drum sense into her head?