How do you find someone..?

onlyroz

If you're at uni then most of them have various clubs and societies that you can join. I think you're more likely to meet someone when doing an activity of some sort, than meeting someone down a random club/bar.

There_Goes_Trouble

purplegirluk1 wrote: »

I know it's so easy to say but when you stop looking it will happen.

balletshoes wrote: »

How do you find someone? Stop looking!!
Seriously, concentrate on you, please yourself, thats how to come across as content and confident in yourself, and thats very attractive .

anxious_mum wrote: »

LOL, it's not easy at any age, but as other posters have said, stop looking, it 's supposed to come to you. I'm still waiting, by the way :rotfl:

Why do so many people say this? I took this advice years ago and guess what? I'm 39, still single and probably never going to have a family of my own because it's almost too late (not quite given up hope yet....). I haven't been sat home alone every night but I've not made the right decisions with regards to evening/weekend hobbies etc, based on this advice. I truely believed that it would 'just happen when I was least expecting it' and it never did.

There is only one way to meet someone, get out there and socialise!! The man of your dreams is not going to come knocking at your door. Join clubs, take up hobbies, do evening classes... anything, it doesn't matter how tired you are in the evening/weekend get out there and do something. I'm not advocating trawling clubs and bars with "I'm desperate" tattoo'd on your forehead, but you have to be out there meeting people to have a chance of meeting the special one.

Don't do what I did and stop looking. Go out, enjoy yourself, make friends along the way and see what happens.

p.s I'm taking my own advice now but really really wish I hadn't listened to other people's well meaning advice in my twenties.

ali-t

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

Why do so many people say this? I took this advice years ago and guess what? I'm 39, still single and probably never going to have a family of my own because it's almost too late (not quite given up hope yet....). I haven't been sat home alone every night but I've not made the right decisions with regards to evening/weekend hobbies etc, based on this advice. I truely believed that it would 'just happen when I was least expecting it' and it never did.



Don't do what I did and stop looking. Go out, enjoy yourself, make friends along the way and see what happens.

It's never too late! My friends have pointed out to me that I have plans in every area of my life (home/career/family etc) but not for finding the perfect partner.

If I left the other areas to chance I would be grubbing around in a crap job, with a crap house, travelling by public transport instead of my nice car, would have no qualifications etc etc....

But still I don't have a plan to meet my perfect life partner and I am putting it all down to the 'stop looking and it will happen' message. I am with you theregoestrouble - its time to start looking!!

There_Goes_Trouble

ali-t wrote: »

But still I don't have a plan to meet my perfect life partner and I am putting it all down to the 'stop looking and it will happen' message. I am with you theregoestrouble - its time to start looking!!

Thank you ali-t, you're probably the first person I've known to ever say that!! It's nice for a change for someone to speak the truth about it and not tell me I'm being silly and "it'll happen one day".

purplerose

Most of the guys I know are too shy/fear rejection too much to ask a girl out. I used to be too fearful of rejection to ask anyone out, I always left it to the guy and probably missed out on a few chances because of it. My boyfriend was too shy to ask me out but I liked him so I bit the bullet and asked him out myself, his reply "phew, thought you'd never ask! yes!" lol.

So my advice is when you're out there meeting people, don't be afraid to do the asking if there is someone you fancy. You only have one shot at life so don't let shyness or fear hold you back!

Have fun x

balletshoes

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

Why do so many people say this? I took this advice years ago and guess what? I'm 39, still single and probably never going to have a family of my own because it's almost too late (not quite given up hope yet....). I haven't been sat home alone every night but I've not made the right decisions with regards to evening/weekend hobbies etc, based on this advice. I truely believed that it would 'just happen when I was least expecting it' and it never did.

There is only one way to meet someone, get out there and socialise!! The man of your dreams is not going to come knocking at your door. Join clubs, take up hobbies, do evening classes... anything, it doesn't matter how tired you are in the evening/weekend get out there and do something. I'm not advocating trawling clubs and bars with "I'm desperate" tattoo'd on your forehead, but you have to be out there meeting people to have a chance of meeting the special one.

Don't do what I did and stop looking.
Go out, enjoy yourself, make friends along the way and see what happens.

p.s I'm taking my own advice now but really really wish I hadn't listened to other people's well meaning advice in my twenties.

I said what I did because that worked for me - but you're right, "not looking" didn't mean I hibernated and only went outside my front door to go to work . I went out with my friends, I went travelling abroad alone, things that I really wanted to do. Thats when I met my husband - and he was a friend before he was anything more than that, because I wasn't looking.

balletshoes

ali-t wrote: »

It's never too late! My friends have pointed out to me that I have plans in every area of my life (home/career/family etc) but not for finding the perfect partner.

If I left the other areas to chance I would be grubbing around in a crap job, with a crap house, travelling by public transport instead of my nice car, would have no qualifications etc etc....

But still I don't have a plan to meet my perfect life partner and I am putting it all down to the 'stop looking and it will happen' message. I am with you theregoestrouble - its time to start looking!!

not necessarily :rotfl: - I had no clue what I wanted to do when I left school, fell into the job I'm still in, its safe, great life/work balance terms, and I get paid pretty well for it. I have a nice house, a car, a daughter who is the light of my life, an OH who is a great chef and makes me laugh - and I didn't plan for any of it in any detail whatsoever! The only thing I did "plan" was working hard at school to get qualifications, but I knew college/university wasn't for me.

But I suppose it does make sense that if you plan for all other aspects of your life, you should consider putting some effort into getting out there and finding a partner too .

There_Goes_Trouble

balletshoes wrote: »

I said what I did because that worked for me - but you're right, "not looking" didn't mean I hibernated and only went outside my front door to go to work . I went out with my friends, I went travelling abroad alone, things that I really wanted to do. Thats when I met my husband - and he was a friend before he was anything more than that, because I wasn't looking.

That's the point I was trying to make, the OP said she's too tired in the evenings/weekends to go out and meet people - but they won't come and find her if she's staying home every night too tired to go out!

I wasn't trying to pick on you balletshoes and I apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable by picking out your comment, I was just using your post to highlight my point. I haven't hibernated either but have focussed on one (female dominated) hobby because I liked it, whereas with hindsight I would have tried several hobbies - all ones that I enjoy, but meeting a broader range of people.

I walk every day in my job, sometimes as much as 8-10 miles in a day, usually nearer 5-6. I get tired. But, I'm joining clubs and getting out in the evenings because I'm never going to meet anyone at work (female dominated) or at home. And, if I don't ever meet anyone 'special' I will still have had a better time getting out and about than I would have if I stayed home every night. Yes I have to force myself to go out when I get home tired, but I'm always glad I did it when I get there.

balletshoes

No problem at all There Goes Trouble - I think we are actually in agreement broadly .

WolfSong2000

I can see both sides...it's unlikely you'll meet someone if you don't go out and socialise, but not impossible...last guy I dated was when I was at uni...he lived in the flat accross the hall, and had popped over one day to ask one of my flatmates if he could borrow something...he saw me (slobbing round the house sans makeup) and said that when he first saw me he really fancied me (takes all sorts!). The relationship was short lived, but it happened, so I haven't yet lost all hope. lol.