neighbour needs adviceon break up plz

Oldernotwiser

She can't just be "taken off the mortgage". Does he earn enough for the lender to allow him to take it over solely in his name?

relynutz

yes he does earn enough to cover the mortgage.

Caz3121

just for clarity can you confirm the nights rather than days that they will each have the child. Certainly CSA count the number of overnights rather than days when they calculate discounts etc

clearingout

There is a difference between earning enough and the lender agreeing to it, particulary in the current economic climate.

Regarding his daughter. The mother has left the family home which is something in his favour. However, as things are up in the air, there is nothing to stop mum taking daughter and refusing to give her back until things are sorted. If the child is living with dad at the address she's always lived at (and the address is used for the child for registration at the doctors, school, preschool etc. etc.) then he should apply for the Child Benefit as soon as possible. He/she who holds the Child Benefit holds the key to both Tax Credit and maintenance through the CSA. The split of care in dad's favour really, in my opinion, qualifies him to receive this but many do argue this is shared care so no maintenance should be claimed. Out of interest, does he have mum's new address?

I am afraid that he needs to accept things will probably get nasty - it is easy to blame mum and say she'll stop working and take the child for more time so she can get the money but equally, the reverse is true - dad only wants child to avoid paying maintenance (not saying that's the case, but there are two sides to it, both can be positive/negative depending no where you come from!). I don't want to be negative, but going to the CAB isn't going to be enough. Likely they will send him to a solicitor so just bypass them and go straight there. He may find he's eligible for legal aid (there is a calucaltor somewhere on line - have a bit of a google).

Have a look on www.wikivorce.com for more specialised support and advice on separation and divorce issues. I am afraid that in the early days, dealing with the betrayal and emotion that causes can lead to a fuzzy head and poor decision-making. If he possibly can, get him to put all that aside and focus on his daughter and getting a decent outcome for her. Mediation might be an option, although early days it's worth suggesting.

relynutz

it would be 4 nights that the daughter stops with her dad.

the fathers main priority is that he can still maintain the realtionship with his daughterand that he can maintain the roof over their head.
he does have a good support netwok from his family that will help in any way possibly i;e childcare .... as have done when both mum and dad have both been at work in the past.

lauzellen

Who currently receives child benefit for his daughter? He really needs to seek legal advice asap and ask about putting in a counter claim for Child benefit if his ex is receiving it. Without the child benefit paid to himself he will be unable to claim child tax credits.

relynutz

at present i believe that child benefit goes in to the mothers account.

laurenjs88

just realised your a fellow norfolk'un. your neighbour needs to take the day off tomorrow, drop little'un off at school/childcare etc... and get himself down to the nearest CAB.

He should make a list of things he wants to ask tonight and prepare all the phone numbers etc he needs to ring. Then it will be slightly less stressful tomorrow.

If he is having daughter 4 nights a week then he should be claiming child benefit and child tax credits for her, whether the mother likes it our not TBH.

I hope things are going fairly amicably at the moment and it can remain so for his daughters sake, but if I was in this situation I would also book into see a family solicitor as they often give you a free half hour, Just so he can see where he stands legally on the situation.

Importantly, is he on he birth certificate? It is vital that he has Parental Responsibility or accquires it now.

Courts whilst still biased! are slowly becoming fairer towards fathers and its about ruddy time!

good luck to your friend!

relynutz

neighbour tried to seek cab advice today but they are only open by appointment on mondays.

he took the mother to local council because to see if anything they can do.... they willb not help her because her name is on the mortgage.
so they have gone back to their home ..... to be fair she doenst have any where else to go BUT she sat txting her new fella....

last night things got heated between them both and she was talking to their little girl saying... daddy doesnt love them and daddy has lots of girlfriends and he loves them not us.

personally i think i know what i would do if i was him but i'm not ... i dont know what advice to give him?... he is so worried that he will lose access to his little girl, he has done everythng he can, he still took her to the council , he still brought her her and trying to be as nice as possible...he's doing more than i would:(

RAS

Hi

Please do what everyone is telling you to do.

If the couple have actually split up, then he bneeds to get the Child benefit transferred to himslef as he has the care for more nights.

He needs to see a solicitor.

The Council have no facility to house a single person who is not in extreme difficulties, and would probably only offer a hostal in that situation. Him going with her makes this even less likely.

If she cannot stay, she needsa to get off her butt and find private rented housing. If she is under 25, she would be wise to consider a shared house.

He needs to tell the wife that he is recording ehr comments to the child, as this will make mother look appalling in court, unless of course he has loads of GFs?