Too secretive?

Bloomberg

I am constantly reminding my wife and children to never discuss their finances with friends/work colleagues etc, that goes for what they know of the household finances too. Through very hard work and a lot of sacrifices we are in a very favourable position, however I would have the same stance irrespective of our situation.

I just feel that money and people do not mix, and can be the source of much discord. Also it does not take much for people to get jealous and feel that you owe them some assistance if they are struggling. I know of someone who inherited a relatively small amount (£4,000) and had a few friends (So called) asking for loans and getting very upset when they were declined. I believe that money brings out the worst in people.

Am I being too protective or am I reasonable with my family. It would be interesting to know what other readers tell their families and what their thoughts are.

concerned43

I agree with you 100%- it is an approach I wish I had adopted years ago.
My family always new how much I was earning - because I told them, we were a close family and saw no difficulties. However, I was always the one they would call on for a loan and I would give it. Fast forword years later I get things brought up about the money and how I never gave them enough or gave some more than others etc, It has caused many fall outs and resentment.
I now keep my cards and money very close to my chest and never reveal how much money I have to anyone! and I am teaching my son to do the same.

Bloomberg

concerned43 wrote: »

I agree with you 100%- it is an approach I wish I had adopted years ago.
My family always new how much I was earning - because I told them, we were a close family and saw no difficulties. However, I was always the one they would call on for a loan and I would give it. Fast forword years later I get things brought up about the money and how I never gave them enough or gave some more than others etc, It has caused many fall outs and resentment.
I now keep my cards and money very close to my chest and never reveal how much money I have to anyone! and I am teaching my son to do the same.

Your story illustrates the point perfectly. People seem to think that just because you earn/have more than them that you are somehow obliged to help them out. Almost invariably when it comes to paying it back they are reluctant. My dad told me a good quote: When they cry poverty, you cry louder.

michaels

I have relatives who regularly eat out, don't shop arround for deals (phone, mobile, gas /elec etc) and are often short by the end of the month despite having much more disposable income than us - at which point they invariably ask us for a 'loan' - I don't pay up but it really sticks in my throat that they have the effrontery to ask when we can not afford any of the things they take for granted.

Bloomberg

michaels wrote: »

I have relatives who regularly eat out, don't shop arround for deals (phone, mobile, gas /elec etc) and are often short by the end of the month despite having much more disposable income than us - at which point they invariably ask us for a 'loan' - I don't pay up but it really sticks in my throat that they have the effrontery to ask when we can not afford any of the things they take for granted.

A very common situation - do these people not have any pride?

Fiddlestick

I had an ex who was totally !!!!less with money - spend it all on partying and physical goods and had nothing left over midway through the month to pay bills or do anything at all.

She always had to "borrow" money from her friends and family each month whereas me - the careful one - had money left but got annoyed having to pay for nights out and meals all the time.

Her friends were all much the same and it was quite embarrasing sometimes seeing their reactions when I had to turn down nights out so that I could pay bills and sort myself out.

It's odd that they made *me* feel embarrassed - it's a strange world sometimes!

TheEffect

I'm at uni now, but worked for a year beforehand and have had odd jobs since I was young. I wish I adopted your approach earlier, and wish my parents adopted it as well.

As a child, I knew exactly how much money my parents had and also knew when they were struggling, which put stress on me as a child. I wish they didn't tell me how much (or little) money they had.

As I've grown up around my family who believe in telling everyone everything about their finances, I find it hard to keep mine between myself.

I'm hoping I'll get better at this as I get older.

ironlady2022

I agree money can ruin relationships. I lent out 2k and have never seen it since and unless it is my Mother or Brother I will not lend out money. If I do, it means I can afford to give it away. I also don't like owing people money and pay immediately if I do.

Incyder

I have sold my house and banked the equity, I don't intend buying another, so I seem well off to some.
I have had a couple of 'sniffers' asking what my plans are with my dough. :eek:
I tell them a fat lie, its in a 1 year untouchable bond to stop me spending it.

That seems to pour cold water on their line of questioning.

The fact that I am still driving my trusty L reg car seems to add weight to my statement to. :rotfl:

property.advert

Better that people don't know where you live either in some circumstances or what you do or which way you turn on entering the plane etc. It only serves to fuel their jealousy.

Bloomberg

Incyder wrote: »

I have sold my house and banked the equity, I don't intend buying another, so I seem well off to some.
I have had a couple of 'sniffers' asking what my plans are with my dough. :eek:
I tell them a fat lie, its in a 1 year untouchable bond to stop me spending it.

That seems to pour cold water on their line of questioning.

The fact that I am still driving my trusty L reg car seems to add weight to my statement to. :rotfl:

People always want to know what others have in the bank and what their plans are. If not for the story about the money being in a bond you may well have had some 'loan' requests.

I am old school and think that it is the height of rudeness to ask people about their money or how much they have paid for something. Good on you for coming up with the bond story. All the best:beer: