Feeling Very SAD

donteatthat

I went back to work very quickly after having my baby, he was 4 months when he started nursery but I only do 3 days now. It is hard at first, (I worried about how I was going to get us both up and ready and out the house on time!) but there are positives. Like having better structure, it's not just the baby that needs routine in our house! I was very apprehensive about doing my job again, but you soon slot into place.

lindseykim13

Everyone has a choice if you can cut back and be a SAHM and want to do that then do it. I have heard from plenty of mums who love going back to work and having their own time. I've also spoken to mums of older children who wish that they had been around more when their kids were little and not with a nursey/childminder as they feel they missed out. For us the most important thing is that i can be a SAHM, i also home school mine so some people would say i'm mad! My DH has to work hard though to support that choice doing overtime etc and i also run my own p/t business from home to get that extra bit of cash coming in but i do that when DH is home. It's not easy though, we do have to budget carefully to cope and have no free time. Children grow up so quickly so you need to be happy with what you decide to do which from your post you don't seem to be? Would it be possible to put work off until they are both in school, would that be any better for you?

kindofagilr

gembaxter wrote: »

I struggled to get out of the house each day as there was not real "purpose" to leave so to then have a reason to get up, dressed and in the car was amazing. Having conversation that didn't centre around my son was great and it made me appreciate him so much more. My husband got a fantastic response from our son after being at work all day and I was so jealous he didn't show that "love" to me. Thing was if he didn't have time to miss me, he couldn't get excited to see me.

Totally agree with this, my son gets so excited when he sees his dads face when he comes home from work, I used to get jealous even though Id had lots of cuddles etc off him all day

So the one thing I love about being back at work is his little happy excited face when I go to pick him up

butterflylady

Thank you so much for your responses, sorry it has taken me a while to reply we have had a manic weekend.

I don't particularly like the job I am going back to, a change of manager one how has no idea what my role does and is already talking about trying to cut me hours. I would love adult conversation it just never occurs at work just lots of b****ing!!

I would love to stay at home and would cut every thing back but unfortunately there wouldn't be any money for food!!

I shall have to be brave tomorrow so not to upset the children.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi,

Just read your post and wanted to wish you luck. I went back to work when my first son was 8 months old and took a very short maternity leave second time around. Like you I had no choice.

There are benefits of being at work; you will be able to do something that is all about you and nothing to do with your children; you will appreciate them more when you have a bit of space; you will be able to spend time with adults; you and your OH will be on more of an equal footing; and of course there is the money.

My boys went to a combination of childcare and grandparents from being under a year old and they are now 10 and 12. We have a fantastic relationship and they are lovely well behaved, bright kids (well I would say that wouldnt I?).

What you have got to tell yourself is this is a big adjustment for you all and you need to give it time. I would say it will be 6 months or more before you get settled. There will be times when you hate it, when you feel guilty for leaving them, when you feel guilty for enjoying being at work. Try to go with it and allow yourself the time you need to get used to it. If after a year it really isnt working then you should try and see if there are any other options but say to yourself you will give it a year.

If I was to ask my boys now if they minded me working when they were little they would say no.

Hope it all goes well.

sjc3

Good luck on your return to work. Its a real toughie, been there too. Like some others have said, after a while I actually began to enjoy it. I still have days where I miss my dd. Have alot more days now though where I enjoy getting dressed up, having adult interaction and a stimulating job. My dd has become quite independant and less reliant on me. Its nice to see her growing up and confidant. Our time together is really precious and we both enjoy it

Stkilda14

I went back to work after 5 months with DS (3 days) and after 9 months with DD. They are both at school now and I am back full time - would ideally like to cut back some hours, but not really poss in the job that I do. I know how you feel - it is very hard, particuarly at first, but you have to be positive. I found that I really made the best of the days I didn't work and since I am full time now, make a special effort in the evenings and weekends tend to be just us to have some time together. They both accept that mummy has an important job like daddy and think it is entirely normal for me to work as well - I think that is a good thing. Both my kids are well adjusted sociable kids and they have not suffered and have a fab relationship with their childminder who is like a surrogate granny!! You will be fine - women all over the land are doing the same = you are not alone and it doesn't make you a bad mum, just a busier one..hope it goes well ((((hugs)))

butterflylady

Well my babies have completed 2 days at the childminder and are due to go again tomorrow. If anything I feel worse now than I did before they went.
On Moday my DD didn't settle and spent over an hour crying that is not like her, she is a really friendly happy baby. Tuesday wasn't too bad though she is still relying on her milk rather than eating solids. Neither of the children seem like there happy selves.

I have spent most of the last 2 days crying and unable to sleep, hence why I am awake now rather than asleep when I have an important meeting with my new boss tomorrow.

I'm not sure whether to look for a different childminder who does not have a baby meaning DD would get more attention or to leave them where they are. I do feel really guilty as I know the childminder I am using has turned down work to have mine, she tells me regularly!!

I have worked out a way tonight for me and OH to be able to work without using a childminder however it does require OH work to agree a permenant late shift!! This is never going to happen but would be the best thing ever if it did!!

OH is off tomorrow so trying to decide whether to keep them at home with him or send them. Please don't think I am messing the childminder about I will pay her for the agreed hours whether or not the children end or are collected early.

To make matters worse my ideal job has been advertised today, exactly the same as I do now but a much nicer environment.

mandi

Hi Butterfly

I am so sorry you are feeling like this , have you thought about part time jobs ? . When my children were younger I had 3 .

A weekend job all day Saturday/Sunday and two part time ( evenings) Monday -Friday .

It was hard work , but meant I had the days with my children .

Its difficult isn't it

butterflylady

Hi Mandi,

Thank you for the idea unfortunately OH works alternate late, early and weekend shifts so I can not fit work round it while depending on him for childcare.

I have to admit I am lucky with my job its 3 days a week term time only, which I know many people would kill for!! If I was able to get the 'dream' job I know that my manager there would be more flexible then were I currently am allowing me to swap one of my days every now and then. She's my friend!!