Worried about 6 yr old fussy eater

Quenastoise

Meritaten, I appreciate where you are coming from, but it bugs me that children are put in boxes and labelled.

All children need structure and discipline, maybe mine more than others.

DH has worked with kids with Aspergers and he absolutely rules it out in DS

JC9297

I say let him have a packed lunch. It is more important that he eats throughout the day than he is given a school dinner that he will not eat. One of my sons would have sat there all day rather than eat a meal he didn't want to, he had almost the same packed lunch everyday for six years but at least he ate it.

To be honest I think the other things the teacher commented on are more important to worry about.

JC9297

Quenastoise wrote: »

Meritaten, I appreciate where you are coming from, but it bugs me that children are put in boxes and labelled.

All children need structure and discipline, maybe mine more than others.

DH has worked with kids with Aspergers and he absolutely rules it out in DS

Better for a child's behaviour to be labelled as symptomatic of something so that they can be offered appropriate help rather than hoping it will sort itself out.

Your description of your son's problems led to more than one person suspecting an ASD, which you do not agree with, however there is obviously some reason for the issues his teacher raised so I think you need to work with the school to find out what it is.

meritaten

I am not trying to put your child in a box and label him hun, I am trying to help, based on my experience with having a grandson with mild Aspergers, which took years to get diagnosed as he also has other syndrome traits. also a nephew with severe autism and a granddaughter with ADD. and their parents who were at their wits end trying to cope with these kids! and getting no help apart from being made to feel bad parents! I sincerely hope that YOUR child doesnt have ADD, ADHD or Aspergers. but, as you yourself said, 'I had to rush food into him' then he has a real psychological problem with eating and it needs getting to the bottom of.
If you can get him in to see a psychologist, then once Aspergers etc has been ruled out, perhaps they can get to the root cause of your sons awful eating habits.
I sympathise hun, my DS1 was a strictly meat and potatoes kid - nothing green or foreign! but he did make exceptions for spag bol or chicken chow mien! but he wasnt allowed those chicken dippers or pizza or burgers.
A diagnosis of a condition isnt being put in a box or labelled - you go to the doctor to find out whats wrong - you dont complain about being labelled as having flu or cancer do you? would you prefer your son to be labelled 'the loner' or 'the misfit'? I dont mean to sound harsh, but sometimes knowing whats wrong enables you to deal with it!

melancholly

Quenastoise wrote: »

Meritaten, I appreciate where you are coming from, but it bugs me that children are put in boxes and labelled.

All children need structure and discipline, maybe mine more than others.

DH has worked with kids with Aspergers and he absolutely rules it out in DS

i guess if you think it's just discipline, then put a meal on a plate and if he turns up his nose, let him go hungry! if it is just about him being difficult, don't indulge him! if you let him get away with it at home, it's going to translate to not doing what he's told by authority figures at school too.

(i don't want to sound too flippant, but i don't really see what else to say if you don't think there's anything more serious going on!)'r

EDIT - if it is something that results in a 'label', there will be different ways to approach this, so i'm not trying to suggest you dismiss it, i guess i don't know what advice you're looking for ifswim

peachyprice

Before going down any other route e.g aspergers, AS, ADHD etc., I would see how he goes on packed lunches.

You say he's strong willed, which would suggest that if he doesn't want to eat his school dinners he won't. He'd rather go hungry.

A hungry child will have poor concentration, lethargy, moodiness, a child dreading lunch time because he's hungry but knows he won't eat whats coming may become withdrawn and won't want to interact.

Is it really such a big deal to let him have packed lunches that he will actually eat rather than making him go hungry every day to force him to conform to 'normal' eating habits?

Save the 'discipline' for at home where it won't matter if he goes hungry if he doesn't eat what's offered, to put him through this as school where you're not there seems unnecessarily cruel to me.

I would see how he goes on packed lunches until half term and see if his teacher sees any improvement once he's not going hungry.

Quenastoise

Peachyprice, that's exactly the conclusion that DH have reached. Refusing school dinners in order to get his own way (packed lunches) is totally the sort of thing that DS would do - after all, he was perfectly happy with school dinners for the last year and a half so why wasn't eating at school an issue before ?

At the same time we will try to improve his diet at home

I cannot afford to ignore the possibility of Aspergers but I would like to see how it goes. Having problems with authority is not the sign of emotional problems. Being too clumsy to juggle balls is not a major handicap in life. Being able to express oneself in writing at age 6 is probably good enough, even though the writing is not joined up yet. And not everyone has a large circle of friends, what's wrong with having a smaller circle ? Those are the issues the teacher mentioned.

What I WOULD like him to get a grip on is respecting authority, sticking to this place in the group and following rules - I guess not an uncommon issue with school children and definitely something that DS needs to work on both in school and at home.

pupsicola

I dont have any great advice but didn't want to read and run. It can be very stressfull when dealing with fussy eaters.

Ive been there with my youngest too. He is in reception year, recently turned 5 and its only in the last 18 months that he has eaten anything. Was still only taking milk ( a highly calorific and nutritious type prescribed by my gp) till he was 3 1/2

I will be straight with you it has been a total hard slog getting him to finally eat a healthy balanced diet. Had to introduce things very gradually. Didn't go the bribery route as decided that would just be making a rod for my own back longterm.

Are you in contact with a dietician? I found my sons dietician wonderful and an absolute lifeline at times.

wornoutmumoftwo

Quenastoise wrote: »

Peachyprice, that's exactly the conclusion that DH have reached. Refusing school dinners in order to get his own way (packed lunches) is totally the sort of thing that DS would do - after all, he was perfectly happy with school dinners for the last year and a half so why wasn't eating at school an issue before ?

At the same time we will try to improve his diet at home

I cannot afford to ignore the possibility of Aspergers but I would like to see how it goes. Having problems with authority is not the sign of emotional problems. Being too clumsy to juggle balls is not a major handicap in life. Being able to express oneself in writing at age 6 is probably good enough, even though the writing is not joined up yet. And not everyone has a large circle of friends, what's wrong with having a smaller circle ? Those are the issues the teacher mentioned.

What I WOULD like him to get a grip on is respecting authority, sticking to this place in the group and following rules - I guess not an uncommon issue with school children and definitely something that DS needs to work on both in school and at home.

At the end of the day Quenastoise you're mum and know your child best. Alarm bells ring in my head when people describe certain behaviours but I like to be quite cautious as my younger son (with Global development delay) displayed autistic traits at 4, so when his edu/psychologist assessment came back with GDD I was really surprised.

He's 7 now, still very shy but is starting to 'catch up' in some key areas of development (spoken language for one)

For the last year and a half at school he had packed lunch and then one day I ran out of bread and he had a school meal (HUGE step forward for him), and he enjoyed it and has had a couple of school meals since then, and on one occassion he tried new food, so with him I believe a lot of his delay is confidence related. (I confess to 'forgetting' to buy bread on occassion).

Just take a day at a time and keep an open mind to all possibilities. There's no need to rush into anything.

Regarding 'labels'. My older son's aspergers defines who he is, if you took that away from him he wouldn't be the boy I know and love, even if he does drive me mad with obsessional conversation. He had a label long before he had a diagnosed 'label' but I don't think there is such a stigma these days as all children have needs of some description or other.

Sorry for waffling. Just go with your instincts, You know your son better than anyone.

pupsicola

Quenastoise wrote: »

I cannot afford to ignore the possibility of Aspergers but I would like to see how it goes. Having problems with authority is not the sign of emotional problems. Being too clumsy to juggle balls is not a major handicap in life. Being able to express oneself in writing at age 6 is probably good enough, even though the writing is not joined up yet.
And not everyone has a large circle of friends, what's wrong with having a smaller circle ? Those are the issues the teacher mentioned.

Im a teacher, currently teaching year 3, 7-8 year olds. A good percentage of the class (36 kids total) have problems with authority at different times. Some could probably juggle but I wouldn't see it as a major problem if they couldn't. There is a whole range of abilities in my class. About ten of them can do joined up neat writing. Others can write quite neatly, not joined up. Some are still struggling to form letters. Quite often I need to work with the kids and ask them to read to me what they have written so I can then scribe it correctly. If a 6 year old can express themselves in their writing and it can be read easily I would say they are doing very well indeed.

Most of the kids have a small circle of friends and the rest are aquaintances to them. As is normal at this age they fall out and squabble and change friends quite regularly.

I work at a junior school and all the kids have come to us from other infant schools. Some know each other, some have only met a few months ago. Similar to the set up when kids go from nursery to infant school.

Im not sure why his teacher has such issues with how your son is!!