Going back to work after maternity leave...dreading it!

mich13x

peachyprice wrote: »

I agree with your decision not to return to work, you've had a traumatic year and a half and need to deal with this before getting back to 'normality'.

However, I do agree with your husband regarding your relationship with your son and your need for time for yourself outside of the home. Your DD is the baby with most needs right now, she's only 5 months old, but from your posts it seems that your son is your main focus. Your anxiety at constantly wanting to control his environment will not help him in the long term become an independent little boy.

You say your doctor called it separation anxiety, but you think it's more than that, what do you think it is?

I see why with being my youngest you would assume that my daughter has most needs but its not the case at the moment, due to my sons prematurity his development is delayed and he is still just a baby himself, on top of this he has significant issues with feeding meaning he needs fed every 1-2 hours and its almost like a military operation each time.

My daughter however has no issues, shes developing perfectly and is happy and bright as a button. I have focused more on my son in this thread because health wise he is the child that worries me, but in day to day life my daughter is not left out of my affections, they are treated equally.

By more than seperation anxiety i didnt know exactly what i meant myself, just that the doctor didnt seem to think it was going to be difficult to get over, prescribed me the anti depressants and that was it really. My mother thinks i could be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder but then she does have a tendency to exagerate things my old dear

I started this thread initially kidding myself on that there was a chance i would return to work but i know in my heart thats not possible at the moment. My children and my anxiety will be my main focus and when i next see my GP i will try to explain my feelings and fears over my son to her in more detail and then if she thinks i need to she will hopefully refer me to a specialist to talk about the issues.

mich13x

brians_daughter wrote: »

Well, it seems you have made your decision! Well done! If YOU (not your oh, or mil or mum, but YOU) feel that you may benefit from short bursts away from the children have you tried toddler groups where they can play - you are still with them, you get to speak to other mums and your lo's get a feel for independance... Not lecturing you on what to do, but when i didnt want to leave ds2 i found this a gentle way of starting the journey for us x

Thankyou brians daughter. Someone suggested mother and toddler groups further up the thread and i did like the idea, its something i would like to do when the weather is a little better and there arent so many bugs going about. My DS also has adrenal insufficiency so a bug for him is alot worse than an average baby and i have to take him to the hospital to have his medication through an IV if he cannot/will not take it orally.

I do let OH look after the children on his own, but only really to pop round to the local shop If i am not working though a hobby or activity for myself is definately a good idea so im going to give this zumba a go, see what all the fuss is about

ema_o

Hey mich
It sounds like you have come to the right decision about work for the time being, but I agree that you need to move forwards in terms of being unable to leave your children in the meantime.
Although you don't want to, and may not enjoy it the first few times, it would be good to take your partner up on his suggestion of leaving the children with him and meeting a friend for lunch or something. Even if you start gradually, so maybe leave your son with OH and take your daughter out for a half hour walk, that way you know your son will have your OH's undivided attention, or leave both of them at a time she's likely to be napping (if that is the case!).
Even if you do not enjoy yourself at the time and want to go straight back, think about the fact that it is good for your son to have OH's attention and also a chance not to be quite so dependant on you (I am not suggesting what you are doing is wrong, just trying to think of positive things for you to focus on to help you cope being away from him).

Definitely ask for councelling when you see your GP - just because they don't offer it doesn't mean it won't help / isn't available. Even if the tablets are helping I think it is councelling that helps you to recover (if I understand correctly antidepressants / just stabilise your emotions, they don't cure you).

It sounds that with everything you have been through you are actually coping very well, however definitely ask for more help from the gp, or friends and family that you can rely on.

Em xx