Going back to work after maternity leave...dreading it!

sanfrancisco

It sounds like you have already made your mind up.

If, you don't go back why don't you start being pro-active about some of your other worries.

Like the person above said, contact the hospital where you had the birth and ask to speak to someone about the birth. I had this and it was brilliant.

Make a commitment to your husband. Tell him you will do a course/go running/whatever once a week and will leave the DC's in his care.

Stop analysing everything. They are only little once, just enjoy them. As long as you have enough money, there will be plenty of time for work later on. As so many people above said, you may feel so differently in a year, but the point it you just don't about the future. All, you can do is deal with the now. And at the moment you want to be at home with littlies, so that is the right decision.

x

onlyroz

I was back to work when my son was 9 months and my daughter was 6 months, and I enjoyed getting back into the challenges of my job. As for childminder v. nursery, they have their pros and cons. I have used both and found both to be excellent.

jcr16

i think you should maybe wait till he's older, but then maybe that will be even harder.

i would say , just take a day at a time. or even an hour at a time.

I returned to work when dd was 7month, i was a nurse. nursing hours is awful with a young family. i knew we'd plan by time dd was about 11 m we were gonna try for another, so i knew i wouldn't be at work long. but after a week i couldn't bear it. i stuck it out for a month , before completly breaking down. i loved my job, i was good at my job, my boss loved me and she said i have great determination and could go far. but i needed to be with my little one.

i did fall preg when my dd was 11m and when she was 19m ds was born and i'm so glad i gave up work when i did, when ds was 2.5 , i had another ds. i may go back into nursing when my children are alot older.

no one ever said being a parent was easy, but you have to feel happy in your choice's. nothing is set in stone, just do little at a time .

Dipsy_2

I haven't read the replies to your post, but I would just like to say well done and that I admire you in what you are doing for your children. If only some other parents had the love that you have for your children. It was really heartwarming to read of your dedication. You seem like a lovely person and I am sure you will make the right choice for all of your family. Best of luck x

mich13x

Counting pennies - Yes i have a very small gap between them, could have been better timing i guess but these things can happen. I think that you are right though, in that i havent had much recovery time. I have been to my GP for my anxiety and possible PND, they have me on anti depressants for this but being honest my GP isnt very good, when i tried to talk about the issues i was just prescribed these pills and sent on my way really.

Sanfrancisco - I couldnt go to the hospital of my sons birth, its in England as there were no neonatal intensive care unit beds available in the whole of Scotland at the time and he had to be tranferred in utero :eek:
My OH is trying to be supportive but just doesnt have the same attachment issues to our son as i do, he is forever suggesting i go out with a friend for lunch or go get my hair done whenever he has a day off but i just prefer to be with my children, i hate when the routine breaks. I do think it would be good for me to have an activity though, a friend suggested i go to zumba with her so could be an idea although ive lost too much weight now through stress so would just be for fun.

Dipsy - Thankyou for your kind words but i dont feel i really deserve them, i try to be a good parent but like everyone i guess im forever second guessing myself and wondering if im doing good by them. There was no solid reason given to me about why DS had to be born so early so i am always torturing myself over what i might have done wrong in the pregnancy (I dont drink, smoke or take drugs), the what ifs can be endless. But i appreciate it all the same, thankyou.

Savvy_Sue

I agree with what counting pennies said. And if your GP is no good, can you see another?

sueeve

You have a lot of life left to go to work. You do not have so much time to care for your two children while they are small.
As far as the separation issues do try taking a few small steps. For the sake of your husband as well as the children. Fun is one of the most healing things there is, and you don't want your husband to feel you don't trust hm caring for his own children. give him the privilege, and have your phon with you, but leave him to call you, don't ring to check.

mich13x

Savvy Sue - Another GP wouldnt be possible as we live in quite a rural area, it is close to a major city but only by car and i couldnt manage both of the children on a trip out on my own as my DS is difficult to have out.

The anti depressants i am on are supposed to help with anxiety too, and i do feel its improved slightly since i was put on them 2 weeks before christmas but i am due to see the GP again next week to review so maybe this time counselling will be suggested. I had never really thought of it and probably dont come across as i need it as on the surface i look very happy and able to cope. And to be fair i do cope very well with my son, its just the letting other people help out with him part that i am unable to do and i worry alot about things that dont seem a big deal to other people.

Thankyou for your reply

Also i dont know why that angry face is at the top of the page i dont rememeber putting it there and cant seem to delete it

peachyprice

I agree with your decision not to return to work, you've had a traumatic year and a half and need to deal with this before getting back to 'normality'.

However, I do agree with your husband regarding your relationship with your son and your need for time for yourself outside of the home. Your DD is the baby with most needs right now, she's only 5 months old, but from your posts it seems that your son is your main focus. Your anxiety at constantly wanting to control his environment will not help him in the long term become an independent little boy.

You say your doctor called it separation anxiety, but you think it's more than that, what do you think it is?

brians_daughter

mich13x wrote: »

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply and read all of that.

I like the idea of phasing my son into nursery but my boss has been so understanding and just fantastic about my situation i couldnt possibly ask him for even more time off. A nanny wouldnt be for me either as id probably find myself being too bossy over someone in my own home and that wouldnt be fair on them.

Really i think that my mind is made up and i cant go through with putting my son into nursery and i would rather take another year at least at home with him and DD but its just this situation has brought home how badly my sons birth affected me. Its almost as if because i had no control over him being born early and having to stay in hospital for so long, i cant let him go to anyone else but me now, as if its losing that control again. Its not logical i know that, but i hate being apart from him.

OH doesnt think my relationship with my son is completely healthy, since he was born i withdrew from friends and my social life ceased to exist, this doesnt bother me so much but OH feels i need more time out of the house and away from the children and i think he thought me going back to work would not only be benificial financially of course but also give some time with other adults and learn to trust others with my son ( I wont even let OH mother look after him but thats another story)

I just feel very confused, i want to be home and the one looking after my son and daughter but im also scared that im being to clingy and that ill only make this anxiety worse.

I dont think im making much sense just trying to get a quick reply in before i go to give the kids their bath.

Thanks again guys i appeciate people taking the time out to reply

Well, it seems you have made your decision! Well done! If YOU (not your oh, or mil or mum, but YOU) feel that you may benefit from short bursts away from the children have you tried toddler groups where they can play - you are still with them, you get to speak to other mums and your lo's get a feel for independance... Not lecturing you on what to do, but when i didnt want to leave ds2 i found this a gentle way of starting the journey for us x