unusual one- WEALTH problem

pupsicola

This may sound like an odd thing to say on a money advice site but there is more to life than money. Your friendship runs deeper than your financial positions. As you say you have all known each other a long time and been through lifes ups and downs. As and when this deal is finalised I would invite them round for a nice dinner to celebrate. Nothing flash just what you would all usually do.

If they start to suggest doing activities or holidays that are out of your budget then just be straight with them. Keep emphasising that you are thrilled for them but that you cant accept expensive gifts etc. They sound lovely people, they haven't always had money. They must be well aware that they will be in a very privilledged financial position and that most of their acquaintances are not.

You can suddenly become very popular when you come into alot of money, for all the wrong reasons. I think they will appreciate true friends like you, who they can trust and know aren't out to take advantage of them.

sunshinetours

As others have said (very eloquently!) firstly see what actually comes of it all and how money materialises. Once they do the deal (if they do) there will be lots to sort out and some time lag no doubt until they receive cold hard cash.

As lifelong friends you hopefully feel comfortable enough to be able to talk to them straight if they offered something that you did not feel comfortable accepting.
We also have some very wealthy friends and some friends who struggle financially. They are all friends its just their personal finances that are different

If I regularly holidayed for years with friends and they were able to open up a new world of different holidays then I would be very grateful for that opportunity,as will your friends that they still have their friends to do things with that they have always enjoyed. people with real money still enjoy bargains by the way, especially if that money has been hard earned!!

If situations were reversed I know I would want to help my close friends out to share in my good fortune

Nice situation for your friends and for you I would say.

jennikitten

It's only going to be a problem if you make it a problem.

If they are boasting about it, and their kids were mocking your kids or playing with all their latest toys in front of them, then I could see it being an issue.

But some friends who want to share their happiness with you after many years of being close - I don't see how that's a problem. If they want to treat you, then why not accept that you deserve it? They clearly think you do, so why don't you?

pupsicola

No amount of money could jeopardise that kind of friendship .
Its priceless.

FunnySaving

I think there's a difference between accepting their generosity when it comes to spending time together and accepting cash etc. If you're such good friends then it makes sense that they would want to spend time with you, and if they are able to enjoy more exotic destinations for their holidays and fancier places for meals out and want the pleasure of your company then I would have thought they would want you with them to enjoy it as you have many other times.

I think it might be more damaging to your friendship if you insist on only sharing activities where you can pay your way as it will interfere with their ability to enjoy their money given that you currently spend so much time together. It sounds as though they would have a huge hole in their life if you are dead set against ever accepting any kind offer from them. Apart from anything, do you think they are going to become 24 hour party people who won't still want somewhere to go for a cup of tea and a gossip? If they aren't going to need to work full time in the future, then there should be plenty of time for them to do more expensive things together and still share the important moments of friendship with you.

We have friends who have considerably more money than us who treat us sometimes, and we have friends who we treat because we are in a better position to and it's well worth the financial cost (admittedly never huge!) to enjoy the pleasure of their company. But, to be honest, we're all happier just having a nice meal at someone's house and a good chinwag - no amount of money can buy that kind of friend!

I do, however, think that you are probably worrying unnecessarily - they won't turn into different people just because they have money, although you are probably imagining in your head that things will be weird, I'm willing to be that none of this is actually an issue when it comes to it!

Fang_3

palomine wrote: »

Felt I needed to post an update. Things have started to move. An interim payment has been made to our friends (think enough to buy a nice house in a good area)

By way of a celebration they took us out to a very nice restaurant where we had a four course dinner with matching wines (tasters) and between each course a wine expert told us about the wines he had chosen for us, very grand.

We then went, very overdressed, to a scruffy old haunt that has live bands, had a bit too much too drink and a brilliant night. By way of a thank you I gave them a them an oversized "Last Rolo" :rotfl:

They text the next morning to thank US for a great evening and put an order in for home made chilli and beer at ours for next Sat.

Now the downside. They have mentioned us all doing a couple of extra things while on holiday. Not hugely extravagant but more than we can afford on top of our trip. I don't want to say so because I know they will offer to pay.

Also my friend has been shopping for holiday clothes. Per Una, not Harvey Nicks or anything ridiculous, and I really don't have a problem with that except we have always done our clothes shopping together and she didn't invite me along. She would know I couldn't afford to buy lots from there and I think she felt uncomfortable asking me. I have lost a lot of weight recently and nothing fits me from previous holidays so she knew I would have to get some clothes myself, but she also knew I couldn't afford to shop there. Nothing huge yet but things are starting to change.:(

Things will change, there's no point in being sad about it because there's nothing you can do to stop it. But you can change how you deal with. You're still friends, you were friends before the money and you'll still be friends afterwards. You can't put a price on a friendship like that.

Your friend, by not inviting you shopping, was trying to spare your feelings, so now you must do the same for her, by putting aside your fears and just going with it. Invite her shopping and make sure you suggest that she go into shops that she can afford, so she'll see that you're glad that she can afford them and it doesn't affect your friendship.

coolcait

palomine wrote: »

I am a regular poster, but have re-registered as my friend knows my user name on here.

Um, what's the point of changing your posting name, if you're going to give so much detail about your life? In fact, why bother creating a log-in name at all, if you're going to share so much personal info on a public site?

Seriously. You've described a number of very unusual situations. Anyone who knows you - or the friends you're talking about - will identify you straight away.

With that in mind, why not just talk to your friend about your worries? Just the two of you - not everybody else's tuppence-ha'penny worth, however well-meant.

happyhaddock_2

Please don't take this the wrong way but I think that it is you, yourself, who is in danger of jeapordising your friendship through over analysing every situation. I think you should just try and go with the flow and see what happens xx

viktory

palomine wrote: »

II would love your thoughts please.

First thought - waste of time getting an AE. If your friend reads this she will know it is about her.

coolcait

palomine wrote: »

I am a regular poster, but have re-registered as my friend knows my user name on here.

palomine wrote: »

This is not a forum that my friend or I would normally visit, ..

As far as I know others who know me don't use MSE.

Now I'm even more confused!

As for my tuppence-ha'penny worth, I'll give the advice I'd give to freinds, family, fellow posters, AEs and trolls when it's a 'problem'/'dilemma' to do with family and friends:

Talk to the person you're writing about. It's the best way to find out how that person is feeling, and it's the best way for you to let them know how you are feeling.

And: don't give out detailed personal information on the internet. Ever.

(Unless it's all made up, in which case you're perfectly safe)