annoyed at myself

mad_dr

Perhaps the trick is to only lend as much money as you are prepared to lose...

greektony

I had a friend like this. Owes me over £6000 so now no longer lives with me. I don't hold much hope that I'll see it all again. But as others have said, an expensive lesson in learning who your friends are.

fluffnutter

Never lend money that you can't afford to lose or resent parting with, and don't expect it back. That's the easiest way to avoid resentment. Whenever I lend money, I do so fully with the expectation that that's the last I'll see of it. I do so willingly and graciously; it's my choice, I'm in control and I don't need to worry about getting it back. If it is repaid, then I feel happy, rather than annoyed it's not, and I haven't had to humiliate myself begging for it back. Obviously this limits the amount and frequency I'm prepared to lend money. I wouldn't lend hundreds or thousands (because I can't justify losing the money), nor do I do it often. But the odd tenner or twenty? I'm not really fussed if I don't get it back. Thankfully I don't have the kind of friends that would take advantage. But even if I did, this would still fit my 'rule' because I'd begin to resent them, hence I wouldn't lend them any more money. Got to take control of the situation yourself. If someone's taking the pee, stop bailing them out!

greektony

fluffnutter wrote: »

Never lend money that you can't afford to lose or resent parting with, and don't expect it back. That's the easiest way to avoid resentment. Whenever I lend money, I do so fully with the expectation that that's the last I'll see of it. I do so willingly and graciously; it's my choice, I'm in control and I don't need to worry about getting it back. If it is repaid, then I feel happy, rather than annoyed it's not, and I haven't had to humiliate myself begging for it back. Obviously this limits the amount and frequency I'm prepared to lend money. I wouldn't lend hundreds or thousands (because I can't justify losing the money), nor do I do it often. But the odd tenner or twenty? I'm not really fussed if I don't get it back. Thankfully I don't have the kind of friends that would take advantage. But even if I did, this would still fit my 'rule' because I'd begin to resent them, hence I wouldn't lend them any more money. Got to take control of the situation yourself. If someone's taking the pee, stop bailing them out!

Unfortunately for me it took £6000+ before I saw sense. But my sense will be not to lend or go out of my way for 'friends' ever again.

WolfSong2000

whitewing wrote: »

Why don't you both sit down and do the grocery order online? That way she gets input into the final amount and she is there when it's totalled so she knows what she is paying. Shopping and cooking isn't for everyone but a compromise is in order I think, unless she is really your long lost daughter.

I do this every month or so, and even when I go to the shops myself, I usually ask her if there's anything she wants and will explain what I'm going in for. Guess I need to start doing the shopping online regularly...

VT82

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

I've known her for £10 years and I'd be very surprised if she's doing it deliberately.

Lol at your Freudian typing.

I need to chase up my lodger for money. He's been here 3 years and won't set up a standing order, although in terms of full months, he is up to date on his rent. Since the rent has gone above £300pm, he never pays in one go any more as he can't take more than £300 out of the cash point in one day. Last time he was quite good actually - only a fiver short on day 1. But now 11 days later I've still not had the missing £5. It's not the money or the interest that bothers me, it's just having to ask for such a small amount of money that makes me feel awkward.

I should give him a slap and tell him that he should take whatever he needs to take out before rent day so he can pay in full on rent day...But he's bigger than me!!!

Reggie_Rebel

greektony wrote: »

I had a friend like this. Owes me over £6000 so now no longer lives with me. I don't hold much hope that I'll see it all again. But as others have said, an expensive lesson in learning who your friends are.

People like that are not your friends

greektony

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

People like that are not your friends

This is what £6000 has taught me

*Scarlett

I would say that lending to friends is generally to be avoided.

Although you may have certain friends that would only ask for a small amount in an emergency and will repay this promptly so there is no problem. You'll probably know from experience who you can trust to do this.

I had a friend who borrowed quite a substantial amount (known them for over 10 years) to pay mortgage arrears. She was in such a state and I had some savings. Over the next few weeks she appeared in various new outfits, designer shoes,"look what I've bought items" etc.

I did get the money back eventually but it did annoy me that she had obviously spent at least some of the money on non essential purchases whilst pleading poverty.

Nowadays if someone is talking about being short of cash, I just agree with them and say that am broke as well, no cash on me, already taken out my limit on the cash machine, etc.

I would also agree that you should never lend more than you are prepared to lose - that's what banks are for!