annoyed at myself

WolfSong2000

just posted on another thread on this forum about not lending money, but have just made that very same mistake myself...

housemate asked to borrow £5 bus fare. I only had £10, and left this out for her before I dashed out the door myself. She's gone to give me back the money, but has only given me £5 without bringing up the fact I gave her £10. I'm now going to have to raise the issue tommorrow, but even though I've known her for nearly 10 years, it's still going to be an awkward conversation. In the great scheme of things, £5 isn't a huge amount, but thinking about it, she owes me £100's for groceries and bills. I've no doubt she will pay me back, it's just when (and the fact I have to chase her up about it)...still, I guess I should be grateful that I'll more likely than not get the money back. Just a matter of when!

Note to self - practice what you preach! lol.

whitewing

How can you be so certain that she will pay you back when

a. you will need to remind her?
b. she owes you hundreds anyway?

Sounds more like she will pay you just enough to keep you quiet and conveniently forget about the rest. (Not in a nasty way, just in a lovely, dreamy, oopsadaisy kind of way). It would niggle me to be honest.

rustyboy21

hold her upside down and shake rapidly, she might get the message and you might get your fiver back, out of her pockets.

I am soft too, been too soft in the past, hardening up now being 45 you know!

I am still owed £200 from when I was 16 in college off my best mate at the time. Havent seen him in 25 years, no chance of getting it back now

purplerose

After lending out a few hundred over a number of years to my so called 'best friend' plus after buying him gig tickets, groceries, meals and looking after his pets whilst he was on holiday and never seeing any return then him dropping me as a friend out of the blue after 12 years of friendship I've become very good at pulling up people who owe me anything.

Just say it plainly, no attitude or anything, just "hey, remember I lent you that tenner the other day for your bus fare, well you only gave me £5 back and I was wondering if I could get the other fiver back now please?". If it can't be had now then either state when you want it by or ask when you can expect to get it back from them. It might come across as blunt to some people but at least that way there is no hinting or grudges building up in the background.

SnowBelle_2

I would just ask her for it,you are not her charity it seems like she is preying on your kind nature.
people like this annoy me as they seem to have no guilt about borrowing whatsoever.
Like Rustyboy21 I no longer lend money to anyone as I have hardened with age!Due to been owed money in the past.
Also to Rustyboy see if your ex-mate is on Facebook and publicly remind him he still owes you £200! with interest if you are feeling wicked!!

WolfSong2000

I've known her for £10 years and I'd be very surprised if she's doing it deliberately...she does pay, like I said, just a pain having to chase her up. Also need to get off my own backside and work out how much she owes me (I do all the grocery shopping on the understanding she will pay me back half...just haven't gotten round to totting it all up yet, so can't blame that on her).

I always stand by the rule (no matter what) that I wont lend what I can't afford to lose, but I will admit to being shocked at how many people will try and work it so they pay you back less than they owe, either deliberately or not. I tend to be fairly relaxed about it as I do, on occasion, forget if I owe someone a few pounds (rarely, but it does happen), so do appreciate someone reminding me, but I always pay back in full. So many people will say "oh, I've only got X amount now, so I will pay you the rest another time". If they say this I always reply that no they can wait until they have the whole amount to give me, as it's hard for me to keep track of how much I'm then owed, so I usually wont get it. My friend last night didn't do this - she just handed me the £5 and said "here's the money I owe you". I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she thought that I left £5 (Scottish notes, and she's English), but I will have to raise the matter today. Just feel guilty as she's already said she's broke. I'm too soft. lol.

shellsuit

Why didn't you say anything last night when she handed you the fiver?

Pollycat

If I were you, I'd tot up what she owes you for groceries and bills and tell her how much it is and ask for her plans to repay you.

You're not really being fair to her if you just let it all build up to an amount that she may find hard to pay back within a reasonable timescale.

I hope when you tackle her about the £5 she gives it straight back to you.
If she doesn't, you know what to do next time.

funkycat06

yeah i used to be too soft with people but learnt the hard way

VfM4meplse

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

I'd be very surprised if she's doing it deliberately...

I don't think your friend is flaky, but manipulative. She's got away with you subsidising her so many times, this part-payment stategy is her way of keeping this lifeline open. You need to be firm.

Freddie_Snowbits

Freddie would lend her another tenner, then use the remnants to get the locksmiths out.