OH and money!

Turtle

Yep, we're like this too. We've lived together for 11 years, together for 4 before that. I sort out all the bills and anything money related including both our car insurances, house insurance and tax returns. He pays out whatever he needs to / I tell him to. If he's considering a large purchase, like a new car, he always asks if he can afford it, and I figure it out. To be honest, he's not a shopper or fritterer and is never short of money so I don't have to worry about that. As far as the household bills etc are concerned I prefer to be in charge as I'm a bit controlling over these kind of things. So, we're both happy!

sp1987

It may not be ideal but he is certainly a step up from some of the debt free wannabe partners who fritter money away and rack up huge debts. If you want him to take some control, leave him to sort something. He seems intelligent enough not to learn to do something if there is someone capable of doing it who knows how to do it to do it for him.

Imagine the scene...your tyre deflates at the side of the road. A strong wheel holding man (or woman, I'm not sexist, lol..who you've known for years, not a random) comes over and offers to change it for you. Do you (a) sort your own wheel, because you just want to, even though you haven't a clue and it is raining...or a tyre/wheel/tools...or (b) take the easy option, let wheel man change it and buy him some beer for his trouble. If you pick option (a) you are just making your life harder for no reason. I am certainly an option (b) girl.

cte1111

sp1987 wrote: »

Imagine the scene...your tyre deflates at the side of the road. A strong wheel holding man (or woman, I'm not sexist, lol..who you've known for years, not a random) comes over and offers to change it for you. Do you (a) sort your own wheel, because you just want to, even though you haven't a clue and it is raining...or a tyre/wheel/tools...or (b) take the easy option, let wheel man change it and buy him some beer for his trouble. If you pick option (a) you are just making your life harder for no reason. I am certainly an option (b) girl.

I like your analogy, but would add an option c
c) Accept his help and work together to change the tyre, then next time you will know how to do it yourself if you need to :T

Think I used to be an option (a) type, but now hopefully more of a (c).

My OH and I manage our finances together. Currently I do much more of the day to day running of it, but as he is working full time and I am not, I have time and energy.

But whatever works for you and your partner, as long as you are both happy, go for it. The fact that the OP started this thread indicates that she isn't to some extent, so guess she needs to talk to her OH and see what they can do to make her more comfortable.

sp1987

cte1111 wrote: »

I like your analogy, but would add an option c
c) Accept his help and work together to change the tyre, then next time you will know how to do it yourself if you need to :T

Think I used to be an option (a) type, but now hopefully more of a (c).

My OH and I manage our finances together. Currently I do much more of the day to day running of it, but as he is working full time and I am not, I have time and energy.

But whatever works for you and your partner, as long as you are both happy, go for it. The fact that the OP started this thread indicates that she isn't to some extent, so guess she needs to talk to her OH and see what they can do to make her more comfortable.

It was only to illustrate the point (partner seems like option b, op seems like a) as realistically I would be option (d) call the AA because I have a membership I want to make the most of and we are on MSE after all. :rotfl:

There is probably an option (e) of wish you hadn't bought those cheap remould tyres or (f) walk home crying in the wet. Lol.

cte1111

d sounds like a good option to me too TBH!

heretolearn_2

He needs to grow up and learn about these things. supposing something happens and he has to take over for a few months? You'll come back to a disaster zone...

Perhaps you need to tell him that you don't exactly find this fun either. That finding it boring is no excuse for acting like a child. That he needs to know these things even if you continue to do it on a day-to-day basis, just in case.

Sit him down and have a couple of hours to go through it all.

But stop babying him and doing his car insurance etc.

My OH takes care of all financials at the moment as he thinks it's the man's job (ah, bless), but I do know all the details in case I ever need to. This is also after years of looking after myself so I do know how. It's quite nice to have a rest from it all, to be honest, but even if you aren't the one looking after it, you can't stick your head in the sand and pretend it doesn't happen. It's still important to keep bills in mind and not go around wasting electricity for example...

littlemissbossy

My hubby is RUBBISH with money, he was in loads of debt when we met. i wouldn't trust him to do things properly and MSEly. Its no big deal, I do the money, he washes my car.

brians_daughter

I solved this about 18 months ago with my oh.. i QUANTIFIED it...ok it was a bit like leadinga horse to water, but he took the bait straight away

I made him give me 1 hr of his time and i prepared everything in advance, took a few hours i will admit.

I went extremes. Like compared cheapest and dearest enegry supplier, tv, phone, insurances (life,car house, contents, pet) shopping smarter etc etc. THEN briefly mentioned quidco etc.

By the end of the hour i had showed him how we could have (if we had been with the highest priced provider) saved easily over £3000 that year and got £750 cash back via quidco...

I then expalained to him that the 2 weeks 5 star all inclusive he dreamed of stood at the pricely sum of £4000... Yep, you guessed it - now he controls all the bills and is constantly squirrling away the difference to what he was paying to what he is in the SAVINGS ACCOUNT HE OPENED!!

He slowly came to see that he wasnt going to save £3000 in 1 year as i was already ontop of my things..but he saved £400 on car ins, £140 on life ins, £300 on TV phone inet and has £500 sat in quidco so his 2 weeks all inclusive that hes dreamt of isnt that far away, and certianlly isnt a dream any longer

Maybe a thought for you? What does he really really want that he cant afford at the moment? new car? weekend away? Theres godda be something?

YORKSHIRELASS

You have got to think about how much this really bothers you. Gradually over the years I have taken responsibility for everything to do with finances in our relationship. If I am really honest I like it that way. I am a complete control freak and OH is very laid back. This works because we are both happy with it and it doesnt bother OH that he cant go out spending money without discussing it with me first.

I guess if it does bother you do you think your OH is prepared to change? If not then this is grow into a major issue between the two of you.

Maybe he just doesnt realise how you feel, blokes sometimes need it hammering home a bit before they sit up and take notice. (Sorry blokes reading this - thats just the way I see it).