OH and money!

charlie792

Sorry this is a little rant more than anything - but I would welcome any one else's opinions and experiences on this....

Don't get me wrong I love my OH to bits but its dawned on me (well a long time ago truth be told) that he really is clueless about bills and financial things...
We were talking about it last night and he openly admitted that if it wasn't for me and his parents he wouldn't have a clue and said he had no idea how he'd cope if he didn't live with me....

He's incredibly intelligent but anything to do with finances seems to have bypassed him - I guess due to the fact he never needed to deal with it....
When he moved out of his parents to uni, he lived in a rented place that included all the bills - his parents paid his rent and phone bill so the only things he ever had to pay for was food and petrol etc...
We moved in together last year and everything has been great, except I have to sort all the bills out, Virgin, Water, Council Tax, Rent, Gas + Elec, Insurance you name it - now to some extents I understand, he works and it is logical that I deal with the household stuff, and when I was living in student accomodation I had to pay bills so I guess I learnt from experience.

But he's not even interested in bills - I know they arnt exactly very exciting but he openly admits he just doesn't care which supplier we are with etc and just tells me to do whatever I think he best....
He has no idea how much we pay for anything, even who we are with, nor what date it's paid. The majority of bills are in my name anyway now and so it just comes out of my account - I just tell him how much to transfer to me and when. Likewise whenever the council tax, rent or water needs paying I have to tell him how much to put into our joint account.
He hates me nagging at him leaving lights on around the house and constantly putting the heating on when a jumper will do but he has no idea how much these things cost...heck our gas bill was £83 just for December and we were away for a week of that, but he has no idea if thats high or not....

The thing is he finds bills boring so he just won't bother - I dont want to be a boring nag but I wonder how long he can go without ever knowing these things - I dont want to be forceful and make him sort it himself (anything for a easy life eh!) but there comes to a point where I worry that if ever we split up then he's going be totally clueless - although he did say he'd learn if he had to....but I feel it shouldn't have to come to that.

He doesn't even have a savings account, his wages just sit in his current account doing nothing - I told him he needs to sort it out but guess who has to do it, Me otherwise nothing will ever get done about it. Infact he's told me to go ahead and set up whatever accounts I think are best for him - not even a case of find the best and he'll look at it, but I have to it set up for him too.

Oh and his car insurance is due in May - guess who has to find a cheaper quote!

Im beginning to feel more like his accountant than his lover....


He is absoltutley perfect in all other aspects of course otherwise Id have told him to sling his hook a long time ago


I do admit maybe I obsess about bills a little to much - but finances were always tight when growing up so its just the way Ive been bought up, and I do have a slight thing about dates and numbers so can somewhat abnormally tell you how much I paid on the 27th October for example for my gas - another thing he finds slightly annoying

RAS

Ok

Stop there. There is such a thing as enabling and you are heading for it.

You told him he needs a saving account, so you hare going to have to sort it. Sorry no. He sorts it or it does not happen.

He finds the cheaper quote for the car insurance. Or pays the extra.

And whilst you are about it, insist that he put several of the bills in his name and take proper responsibility. he is an adult and needs to start behaving like one.

Point out to him that money is boring but that the things he like probably cost money. You know what lights his lamp. Finding a cheap insurance deal is boring. Saving enough for a weekend away, or a new much craved bit of kit is fun.

katsclaws

Hello Charlie, not much advice to offer. My husband has a PhD and I have to do everything regarding finance aswell. I even fill in his tax return.

katsclaws

GEEGEE8

Oh dear.

Sorry, but if my boyfriend doesn't do it, I leave him too it!! I certainly don't do it for him.

DVardysShadow

charlie792 wrote: »

... Im beginning to feel more like his accountant than his lover....

Actually ...

charlie792 wrote: »

... there comes to a point where I worry that if ever we split up then he's going be totally clueless - although he did say he'd learn if he had to....but I feel it shouldn't have to come to that.

... I'd say you have become his mother.

pinkclouds

He trusts your judgement and let's you control all the money. I don't see a problem with that. It's what we do.

dark_lady

And how the hell would the husband cope if the OP suddenly got ill. Sorry but this question was begging to be asked.

Errata

So - in the business of your relationship, you're the Finance Director and he's the Director responsible for summat or other. If that suits the business, no problem. If it doesn't, the Finance Director can easily resign by refusing to produce any food for the next meal, and the one after that, and the one after that, until the penny drops. Then the Directors sit down and thrash things out to an amicable and acceptable solution.
It's not rocket science, but if one of the Directors has the IQ of a lawn mower problems may arise.

Kimberley82

My husband is a bit like that, doesnt bother me at all, we each have different roles in our relationship.

Imelda

It's like that with us too, I have more time so I sort the bills. What seems to work for us is we have a spreadsheet with our budget and all bills on- I update it and he looks at it. So although he has nothing to do with the admin he does know what's coming in and going out. I also have a box file with all important docs filed and labelled clearly so, should he need it, it's all there.

There are still a few bills in his name, including the car insurance. I would LOVE to get my hands on that to get a cheaper quote but he is just so lazy he renews with the same company each year :mad:

the_cat

charlie792 wrote: »

and he openly admitted that if it wasn't for me and his parents he wouldn't have a clue and said he had no idea how he'd cope if he didn't live with me....

Sorry but I disagree with his analysis.... it is purely BECAUSE of you and previously his parents that he is like this and therefore he has not had the opportunity to 'learn' these skills

If someone else has always taken care of everything for you and you have no idea of the work/hassle/responsibility involved, why would you suddenly and magically be able to do this stuff? Why would you appreciate that you are offloading an onerous task and creating resentment if you have not experienced it? And even if you did, why would you want to change it when the other person might huff and puff, but will always come through in the end?

If you are happy to FOREVER be in charge of this stuff, then fine. If not, you will have to take the bull by the horns and insist he does his fair share. If it goes t#ts up and he forgets stuff, goes overdrawn, doesn't get the right deal etc(which it might to start with) then you will have to grit your teeth and let him sort it out

Although having said all that, I do all that stuff in my relationship. Ever since OH 'forgot' to insure the house and I found out 6 months later, I can't quite bring myself to leave it to him anymore. Combination of him being slapdash and me being a bit of a control freak I guess, but for me doing it myself is the lesser of the two evils! It grates occasionally but at least I can sleep at night:rotfl: