OH and money!

flora48

In MHO there is usually one person in a household who deals with the finances. I my first marriage it was my husband but when he died I learned PDQ. In my second marriage all deal with all the finances and am happy to do so. So long as OH stumps up his share and doesn't gripe about things I would just get on with it. Sounds to me that he has never had to (just like me) but probably could bite the bullet if needs be.

pupsicola

charlie792 wrote: »

The thing is he finds bills boring so he just won't bother - I dont want to be a boring nag but I wonder how long he can go without ever knowing these things - I dont want to be forceful and make him sort it himself (anything for a easy life eh!) but there comes to a point where I worry that if ever we split up then he's going be totally clueless - although he did say he'd learn if he had to....but I feel it shouldn't have to come to that

My ex was exactly the same. I had to sort all the finances out as well. He didn't even know how to write out a cheque. You tend to find that very inteligient people have little common sense.

The thing is while his parents and now you take on that responsibility there is no reason for him to bother. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could all hand over the hassle side of life to someone else.

Its up to you. If you are fed up with the way things are tell him.

pupsicola

dark_lady wrote: »

And how the hell would the husband cope if the OP suddenly got ill. Sorry but this question was begging to be asked.

He is a grown man, its not rocket science, he would work it out.

barbiedoll

To prove a point, open a savings account in your name only and transfer as much of his spare cash to it as possible. After a few months, show him the balance and tell him how easy it was for you to take his money without his knowledge!

I know how annoying it is to have a partner who just doesn't care about leaving lights on and having the heating turned up all day. I tell my DH that anyone living in England in January has no right to sit around wearing a t-shirt. :mad:
There's a constant battle of the thermostat in my house, I actually put parcel tape over it last year to stop him turning it up and I bought him a couple of fleeces to wear instead, not that it did much good.

As RAS said, you are enabling him to behave like a child, he does need to get a grip and sort some things out himself. You need to turn off the telly one night and sit down with him and go through the monthly expenses, showing him how much money he wastes by not getting a better deal on car insurance, utilities, etc etc. Make it simple, as someone said, equate the potential savings to the purchase of a new gadget, (monthly cost of an iPad, for example?) Because he has never had to learn these skills, you will have to teach him. Yes, it's boring but so is housework, food shopping and changing nappies. But you would expect him to do his share with these chores, money management is no different.

Good luck, I know it's a challenge, Remember, you're NOT a nag, you are a teacher, passing on your valuable skills! :T:T

charlie792

pinkclouds wrote: »

He trusts your judgement and let's you control all the money. I don't see a problem with that. It's what we do.

Haha thats very true I suppose in a way I should be greatful that he has so much trust in me, he lets me use his comp when mines playing up, gives me free roam of his bank account and doesn't care if I know the password to his emails (not that Im nosy its just this is a big deal to me as my Ex was ridiculously secretive and untrusting of me)

Imelda wrote: »

It's like that with us too, I have more time so I sort the bills. What seems to work for us is we have a spreadsheet with our budget and all bills on- I update it and he looks at it. So although he has nothing to do with the admin he does know what's coming in and going out. I also have a box file with all important docs filed and labelled clearly so, should he need it, it's all there.

There are still a few bills in his name, including the car insurance. I would LOVE to get my hands on that to get a cheaper quote but he is just so lazy he renews with the same company each year :mad:

I too have a big box file with all our important paperwork etc - leave it next to his desk incase he ever wants to look at it haha....

To be honest to a fair extent I don't mind doing it - he works and Ive got the time to do it so in all honesty thats not the problem...I just wish he didn't complain when I tell him put a jumper on instead of the heating he'd realise I was doing it for his own benefit

Last month I told him I needed about £200 from him for the bills and he gave it to me just like that....I suppose if I wanted to I could make up any random figure and go on a shopping spree instead

Bless him though - he really is an absolutely lovely guy and I love him to bits really:j

Sambucus_Nigra

But....you are with him because what you liked about him and he is with you because of what he liked about you. There will be things that he does better and things that you do better...it's hardly worth getting upset about if he doesn't meet your stringent data capture in your head because that's just the way you are.

We have jobs and tasks that we take responsibility for - I do the washing, he does the ironing - it's all part of being in a relationship.

RadoJo

I do all the finances in our relationship, but it's not exactly a mammoth task and it's not as though my OH doesn't do anything to contribute to the running of the household. It's just the way the jobs that we share work out - there doesn't seem much point making him do half just to make a point as I know he's work it out if he had to. I think if the parties in the relationship play to their strengths in choosing the jobs that they take responsibility for, then there's no reason to feel as though one person is taking advantage, or being incapable or irresponsible.

Now if you were doing all the finances and he was constantly moaning about how much everything cost or making a fuss about your decisions, then I could understand feeling annoyed, but unless you feel as though the balance of jobs in the house is unfair generally, then I don't see this as anything to worry about. You should be pleased that he has such faith in your abilities that he's happy to trust your judgement.

belfastgirl23

to be honest if you're a control freak about money (and I mean that kindly because I definitely am!) this is a blessing in disguise. I understand that having the responsibility is a worry in one way but if you have all the responsibility and all the authority it's not so bad!

Bear in mind that sometimes you get what you ask for. If you're going to ask him to be involved you need to be prepared to cope with him 'interfering'!

My own DH just gives me whatever money I tell him to give me. He used to whinge and question me till I told him that if he wanted me to take the responsibility then he needed to not question me (not that I mind a reasonable question at all but anything that implies i'm not handling the money well is verboten ) This works for us!

onlyroz

To be honest, I'd just get on with it and take control. Does your husband fritter away money on useless crap? Does he have debts? If the answer to both questions is no then I wouldn't be concerned. Just make sure that all your paperwork is in order, so that if the worst happens to you then he'll have access to all the documents to claim insurances etc.

sarah*a

charlie792 wrote: »

....But he's not even interested in bills - I know they arnt exactly very exciting but he openly admits he just doesn't care which supplier we are with etc and just tells me to do whatever I think he best....
.......He has no idea how much we pay for anything, even who we are with, nor what date it's paid. The majority of bills are in my name anyway now and so it just comes out of my account - I just tell him how much to transfer to me and when. Likewise whenever the council tax, rent or water needs paying I have to tell him how much to put into our joint account.

I do admit maybe I obsess about bills a little to much - but finances were always tight when growing up so its just the way Ive been bought up, and I do have a slight thing about dates and numbers so can somewhat abnormally tell you how much I paid on the 27th October for example for my gas - another thing he finds slightly annoying

My OH is completely useless and admits it too. And he's pants with money as well which makes it worse. I pay all the bills - except the rent which goes direct from his account the day after he gets paid - and even dish out spending money :rotfl: We are working on improving his financial capabilities but with baby steps - he first has to learn to budget his 'free' money before I let him loose on the bill money

He hasn't a clue who our suppliers are for anything - I think he's aware the TV is Sky - but quite possibly hasn't clicked that the broadband and phone are too :rotfl:

I'm a bit of a dates and numbers (and lists!) freak too so can reel off what I paid for every bill over the past 12 months. Does come in handy when someone tries to sign me up to 'a better deal for xyz' when out shopping and I can tell them I already get a better deal and back it up with figures :rotfl:

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

to be honest if you're a control freak about money (and I mean that kindly because I definitely am!) this is a blessing in disguise. ....

My own DH just gives me whatever money I tell him to give me. He used to whinge and question me till I told him that if he wanted me to take the responsibility then he needed to not question me (not that I mind a reasonable question at all but anything that implies i'm not handling the money well is verboten ) This works for us!

:rotfl:I think I'd describe myself that way too :rotfl:

My OH used to whinge about the money he gave me too - I have sat him down and gone through all the bills and stuff - exactly what we pay for everything etc - and he used to say 'ah! but I give you £x what happens to the £x you don't spend on bills' and I had to very gently explain that this is what pays for holidays, occasional meals/days out, train fares to visit family, birthday and xmas pressies etc (all of which I also deal with). I have offered to leave him that small bit of money in his account each month but with the proviso that I would still expect to be kept to the standard I am accustomed too (at least one holiday a year, a minimum of three parental visits a year on each side, one meal/day out a month and nobody's birthday is to be forgotten and all xmas presents/food paid for) but he very wisely declined my offer :rotfl:

He does now budget for his own xmas pressies for me and is slowly learning to buy wisely through the year instead of panic buying the week before xmas He even has a 'present drawer' I am not allowed to go in - so something is sinking in :T

:cool: