Brother in Distress

InaPickle

I'm assuming that there is some sort of pastoral care at his halls of residence?

If so, your first port of call should be there, to get someone to keep an eye on him/have a friendly word and see if there is anything they can do to help sort things out. See who the warden for the place is - the info is normally available online.

As for it being too late for him to restart, I don't think it would be at all, but unless something changes between now and then for him, what's to say that the same thing wouldn't happen again?

To be honest, he sounds lost. It sounds like it has all been a bit too much for him, and he needs a bit of a hand to get back on the right path.

HTH

georgie262

Thanks Everyone for you helpful advice and encouraging words. I spoke to him last night and he said his exam yesterday had gone better than expected and he has a meeting to discuss his work with his Personal Tutor although he is still unsure what to do he is feeling more positive. He has no lectures/exams now until Monday so is going home and my Dad said he'll take him out for food and discuss his options with him. Alls' we can do is lay out his options with the consequences to each and let him know we'll support him whatever he chooses.

Thanks again everyone

rozmister

I felt a lot like your brother in my first year of uni. On the surface I coped very well, I'm naturally sociable so I made lots of friends and was often out. In reality I was drinking far too much and was mentally unwell but because I seemed the life and soul it was easy to pretend I wasn't. I struggled with attendance and felt like I didn't fit in. I used to go out 5 or 6 nights a week and even when I wasn't out I slept in and then stayed up late. Near the end of my first year I took an overdose and was taken to casualty. I failed 1 exam in my first year but because of my hospitalisation I got mitigating circumstances and passed my resit. Now I'm much better.

The main thing that needs to happen is your brother needs to realise he has a problem and want to change. For me I just didn't want to be that person anymore. I really pushed my GP for referral to the Mental Health team where I got a diagnosis and referred for high quality counselling and more therapy in the future if I want it. I also saw a psychiatrist until December when I was discharged from the clinic (so for about 18 months). If your brother doesn't want to feel like that then he needs to seek professional help to overcome his issues but part of that is recognising the role of lifestyle in mental illness. The hard drinking, odd sleeping lifestyle of university simply isn't good for most people with mental health issues.

If I was you I'd tell him you are always there for him and if he wants to come home he can no one will stop him but really set out for him the financial implications of leaving a course midway through the year. Also the uni's are MASSIVELY oversubscribed this year because of the tuition fee hike so it could be very hard from him to get in somewhere else. Maybe suggest he pushes through with this year and gets a pass, after all most uni's don't use your first year grade towards your final grade you just need 40%, and looks into transferring to another uni. Say you want to help him but he has to help himself and encourage him to speak to his tutors. Mine were really helpful and good to me which helped take away the worry about falling behind/faffing it up. They see a lot of first years with similar problems it's not as rare as it feels. Some counsellors just aren't right you need to find the right fit so suggest he goes back but sees a different. Good luck OP!

Lara44

Georgie I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I was wondering if you lived near enough his Uni to make regular visits? I struggled at the beginning with university too, I need a routine and was incapable of putting one into place and organising myself. My sister used to live in the same town and visiting her even every couple of months was such a good experience. If you could visit him once a week or once a fortnight on a regular basis it might really help to give him something to look forward to.

I suffered ill health and was also brushed off by Uni GPs, so was living with a chronic condition. I would have so appreciated someone just accompanying me to the Doctors, giving me some moral support and just 'being there'. Sometimes I think small things like this do a lot more for security and confidence than 'giving advice'.

I was able to access the counselling service at university and had 1 session of counselling before being offered hypnotherapy. This helped with stress relief wonderfully and I much preferred it to talking about myself, which I still find wildly embarrassing. The other thing you might consider is family counselling. Perhaps acknowledging past difficulties you went through as a family could help him a lot, and bring him closer together with your Dad? It might also be easier to get him to attend if you are all 'in it together'?

Another thing that might be helpful is taking some exercise together, as this can really help with boosting mood.