Advice needed, who is next of kin and responsible for the funeral?

Person_one

If you aren't able to be at his funeral or to get his ashes scattered where he would have wanted, why don't you and his 'real family' of friends arrange a memorial service yourselves, maybe in the place where he wanted his ashes to go if that's possible. You can all say a few words, maybe read something, play his favourite songs and say goodbye in the way he would have wanted you to. Try to remember, his ashes aren't 'him' anymore, he won't mind or know where they go.

carolan78

I have just re read it she should be able to claim providing the mother hasn't claimed first so it seems to need a dash straight to the job center as soon as she has sorted all the paper work out.

pupsicola

Hate to say it but this post has really made me think. I am estranged from my mum too, for bloody good reasons. Wouldn't put it past her to treat me similarly. I shall certainly put something in my will to prevent her from claiming me when I die. Hopefully she will be 6 foot under by then but you never know. I do have kids but they are young yet.

carolan78

Person_one wrote: »

If you aren't able to be at his funeral or to get his ashes scattered where he would have wanted, why don't you and his 'real family' of friends arrange a memorial service yourselves, maybe in the place where he wanted his ashes to go if that's possible. You can all say a few words, maybe read something, play his favourite songs and say goodbye in the way he would have wanted you to. Try to remember, his ashes aren't 'him' anymore, he won't mind or know where they go.

Thank you it wouldn't be the same though knowing he is sat in a bin somewhere. Some other friends are already planning a concert in his honor and others are planning books with his photography and poetry in them. So I know he will be remembered, he was such a charcter in his city the local newspaper are going to pay tribute to him too

Mojisola

carolan78 wrote: »

Thank you it wouldn't be the same though knowing he is sat in a bin somewhere. Some other friends are already planning a concert in his honor and others are planning books with his photography and poetry in them. So I know he will be remembered, he was such a charcter in his city the local newspaper are going to pay tribute to him too

Could that be the way through the problem? Would the paper be interested in the story of how the mother is behaving and what she intends to do with his ashes?

carolan78

Mojisola wrote: »

Could that be the way through the problem? Would the paper be interested in the story of how the mother is behaving and what she intends to do with his ashes?

It's an avenue I will pass on for it to be kept in mind if all else fails thank you.

inkie

You say your friend is going to the hospital to sort the paperwork out. She will receive the medical certificate which is needed to register the death. When she registers the death, she will be given the 'green form', which the funeral directors must have. In other words, your friend will have the trump card. The 'mother' will not be able to do anything as she will not have the legally required paperwork to go from.
The ball will be completely in the court of you friend.

paddy's_mum

A little voice in my head is telling me that if someone nominates a person as their next of kin, that wish will be honoured by the authorities. If what I half remember is so, Friend B will be treated as the person with the 'rights' irrespective of the existence or wishes of any blood relatives.

You may want to speak to the Hospital's almoner (or whatever their job title is nowadays!) and see what his/her advice is since this must happen quite commonly and will have cropped up before.

I'm sorry for the loss you have all sustained - it's bad enough to lose someone you love but to have all this hassle, worry and upset thrust upon you must be sickening ...

carolan78

Friend B is going to the hospital today, they told her this morning on the phone they had given his mother (I hate using that word) an excuse yesterday (the hospital are well aware of the situation). So I am hoping this means they are giving all the legal bits of paper to Friend B. Fingers crossed x

margaretclare

From my experience, a next-of-kin doesn't have to be a blood relative.

I say this because, in 1999 when my now DH was still going through a divorce but was in hospital for surgery which subsequently blew up complications, he had put me down as his NOK and that was how the hospital regarded me. He still had a wife, and a son and daughter of his own, but he still wanted me as NOK and there was no problem with that.

You said your friend had 'made a new family of his own', with your friend and her children. Then that friend should be his NOK. If she goes to the hospital and gets the death certificate then - as someone else wrote - the ball is in her court, not the mother's.