Advice needed, who is next of kin and responsible for the funeral?

carolan78

This is a rather messey situation and I really need advice. A friend passed away recently and we do not know who legally or in the eyes of DWP's who will be classed as next of kin and responsible for the funeral arrangements and fee's.

Background info my friend had been estranged from his mum for over 20 years. I think he relaised he was on his death bed and requested to see her. She visited him in hopital then walked away bad mouthing him and saying he was no son of hers. She was not down as next of kin at the hospital friend B was.

He spent the last 20 years creating a new family for himself in his friends, his mother is his only living blood relative. She has phoned friend B stating she wants charge of the burial so she can claim the funeral grant from DWP, she also demanded to know where his wallet was (nobody know he didn't lead a very conventional lifestyle so it could have been left anywhere) and she has made it perfectly clear to friend B that she doesn't care what happens to him she just wants whatever money she can get.

Friend B is a single parent so she can not afford to pay for the cremation he had asked for without some form of help. What I really want to know is can the mother legally walk in and take him even though they have been estranged for at least 20 years (and most of his childhood because she put him into care at a young age). Can she claim the funeral grant and not pay for everything it is supposed to cover? Also can she claim stake on the few possession he had?

I am not sure if by making friend B his next of Kin whilst in hospital he has wrote his mum out of that honor.

Thanks for reading and if you have any questions I will try to answer them as best as I can but I don't know him too well just bits and bats he has told me. His friend B is just in a state over it all and I would like to be able to guide her if possible.

pupsicola

Legally I think that next of kin is decided by who is your closest blood relative. Did your friend have any children, because they would be his next of kin over his mother?

She sounds like a nasty, vindictive woman and this must be a very distressing situation for you. Hopefully there will be someone along in a while who can give you extra advice. I would also suggest maybe checking with CAB, they are very knowledgeable.

carolan78

No he had no children, the only blood relation he has is his mother. Friend B has probably been the closest thing to family he has ever had and he used to tell people her two children were his daughters even though they're not. He only ever had platonic relationships; and he would regularly propse to Friend B but they were not lovers iyswim.

McKneff

if mother arranges the funeral, she will have to pay for it from the grant,
There doesnt even have to be a grant, if the deceased left any assets at all these will be his estate. The funeal will be paid for out of this. She will be chased for the money so tell your friend not to worry.

Serves her bloody right.

And tell your friend Im sorry their loss.

carolan78

The only trouble with that is she won't tell any of us details so we will not be able to attend. He doesn't have any assets. Plus she wouldn't allow his ashes to be scattered where he requested she has already stated they would go in the bin.

After the way she has been and spoken when visiting him in hospital and before he died I now understand why he was estranged from her.

Errata

First of all, my condolences.
Whoever arranges a funeral, contracts with the funeral director to pay for it. A grant is available to certain people in certain financial circumstances. If someone thinks they are eligible for a grant they should obtain confirmation they will get it before entering a contract with an undertaker. Nowadays some funeral directors ask for proof of financial ability to pay their bill. Some funeral directors will use a debt collection agency for an unpaid bill.
Some mothers should be put down as soon as they give birth.

carolan78

Thank you Errata, frien B has to go to the hospital tomorrow to do all the legal bits to get the death certificate. I will advise her to go to the job center to try find out if she will be entitled to the grant. I can't see it taking too long for them to decide something like that or will it?

pupsicola

carolan78 wrote: »

The only trouble with that is she won't tell any of us details so we will not be able to attend. He doesn't have any assets. Plus she wouldn't allow his ashes to be scattered where he requested she has already stated they would go in the bin.

After the way she has been and spoken when visiting him in hospital and before he died I now understand why he was estranged from her.

I dont think I have ever read a post that has shocked me so much, that is horrific. Good god, the woman put him in care as a child, has been estranged from him for 20 years and now wont let him rest in peace.

What kind of mother cremates their child, without any of the important people from his life being there and then throws them in a bin. I feel really sick for you.

I dont think it will do any good but can you check whether she put him in care or if he was taken away from her by the authorities. I dont know if this has any effect on her being next of kin or not.

Did he leave a will stating his wishes at the time of his death and who his body should be released to?

Errata

Info on grants here http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/DG_10018660

carolan78

I'm not sure those records will still be held anywhere it was 40 years ago.I can't even let my self go there yet with the way she has behaved, I need to stay as unemotional as I possibly can and be practical for now.

I think it has shocked all that new him, we all knew about her putting him in care and them not speaking for at least 20 years but none of us were prepared for the things she has said. I could understand it if he was a bad man but he wasn't.

carolan78

Errata wrote: »

Info on grants here http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/DG_10018660

I read that earlier thank you, it just left me more confused because it says you can not get the grant if a blood relative is still alive, but surely they can not count someone that held no part in your life for 99% of your life a blood relative and therefore next of kin.

If that is the case then it sucks big time and leaves a lot of people wide open to not getting laid to rest properly which is very sad