A good father trying to do the right thing.

shell_542

You have PR Anotherdad. You gained it when you married their Mother.

13Kent

My husband ended up in the same situation as you, after desperately trying to keep his family together his ex had a series of affairs, made him leave and left him in a financial nightmare! So with the benefit of his/our experience here goes...

Please be aware that any household bills that are only in your name she is not obliged to pay, and if she doesn't the debts might come back to bite you years later - my husband's ex didn't pay anything that was in his name - just binned them, and he spend 5 or 6 years trying to improve his credit rating and get himself out of the debt she left him in - bills such as nursery fees -£300, gas bill - £400, home phone bill (£1000,) mobile phone bill (£1000+) sky tv - which caught up with him about 7 years later after being passed to debt collection - and many more - all these bills he gave her the money for, and he thought she had paid them. Instead she spent all that money and more, emptying their joint account and going more and more overdrawn unknown to him until the bank rang him as all the paperwork was being sent to the family home. He also paid her directly rather than go to the CSA, and because he ended up in such dire straits financially he had to pay her cash as all he had left with the bank was a cash card. (He didn't think to set up a standing order). When the CSA got involved she denied that he had paid her anything, and with no paper trail the onus was on him to prove that he had paid her, and although there was a record of the amount coming out regularly every month there was no record of who it had been paid to. As a result he ended up with arrears of thousands of pounds for money he had already paid that he had to pay again.

My advice would be pay all that you need to pay legally as shown on the CSA website either through the CSA or with clearly marked payments that show they are child maintenance payments for named children. If you feel you want to contribute more then that is up to you but you are fulfilling your legal obligations. - You could always put some extra money aside in accounts for your children rather than pay it to the mother. My husband set up insurance policies with regular monthly payments for his children once he was financially solvent again. If the mother is not working you may find that she is entitled to benefits which may cover things like housing costs - my husbands ex got money which paid the mortgage, plus benefits, plus child maintenance that she did not declare to the benefits people ( now the law has changed and it is not necessary to declare it, but in the past the mother was only allowed to keep a small portion of it and still be on benefits).

Good luck - it's hard, but we are finally heading out of the tunnel many years later!!

RAS

13Kent wrote: »

Please be aware that any household bills that are only in your name she is not obliged to pay, and if she doesn't the debts might come back to bite you years later - my husband's ex didn't pay anything that was in his name - just binned them, and he spend 5 or 6 years trying to improve his credit rating and get himself out of the debt she left him in - bills such as nursery fees -£300, gas bill - £400, home phone bill (£1000,) mobile phone bill (£1000+) sky tv - which caught up with him about 7 years later after being passed to debt collection - and many more - all these bills he gave her the money for, and he thought she had paid them.

Good advice, but if this happens to you, please remember that a debt in your name that has not been paid for in over 6 years is statute barred and you are not required to pay it.