A good father trying to do the right thing.

AnotherDad

Hi,

The amount displayed on the CSA calculator suggests that i would have to pay £350 a month based on my £1750 net income from salary?

Popoliv, i might do that if that`s ok, any advice / experience would be appreciated

Yup i`m the father on both certificates, she has thrown it at me that because it was done before Dec 2003 (August 2003) i don`t have PR for my eldest. That hurts alot to be threatened with that, especially as it`s so early into the separation and the kids need us to both give them all the time we have.

CSA wise yes i think it may come to that. Cancel the shopping, reduce the amount i pay into the mortgage account but in line with mortgage and maintenance so i don`t under pay what i have to. I presume i can call the CSA and discuss that with them? Does being proactive with the CSA actually count for anything if any of this were to go to court?

Cheers,

RAS

Hi

If your name is on the BC, you can get PR very quickly and easily. And if you are not the child's parent, you do not pay CSA or anything else.

mrsspendalot

Hi there - were you married when eldest child was born/have you since married?

If you have married since the eldest child was born then regardless of the birth being prior to December 2003, marriage gives you PR automatically.

During my divorce this came up as my son was born August 2003 before we married. We actually had his birth re-registered after marriage as I read somewhere that this is what you should do to then get PR. However, when I went to see a solicitor regarding access issues last year, she confirmed to me that we never needed to re-register his birth as marriage gave the PR automatically.

If you never married, then you can get PR very easily through the family court. Apparently they very very rarely turn down requests for PR, although they try and get your ex to give it by consent rather than go through court forms.

mrsspendalot

AnotherDad wrote: »

Does being proactive with the CSA actually count for anything if any of this were to go to court?

Cheers,

I think it does, yes. They seem to treat you better if you are 'compliant'

missbunbury

AnotherDad wrote: »

Hi,

The amount displayed on the CSA calculator suggests that i would have to pay £350 a month based on my £1750 net income from salary?
...
CSA wise yes i think it may come to that. Cancel the shopping, reduce the amount i pay into the mortgage account but in line with mortgage and maintenance so i don`t under pay what i have to. I presume i can call the CSA and discuss that with them? Does being proactive with the CSA actually count for anything if any of this were to go to court?

You can call Child Maintenance Options to discuss the possibility of going through the CSA, there's no point speaking to the CSA themselves until there's a case open with them. 0800 988 0988 or cmoptions.org, they're quite good for advice about different approaches you can take depending on how willing both parties are to take part in a discussion process.

£350 per month from the CSA calculator is without the mortgage payments, to get a rough idea of how it would change with the payments follow the same process I have outlined in my last post. Do it all using weekly figures though, not monthly (your weekly income will be £1750 x 12 / 52), and remember the £15pw threshold. Also bear in mind that if you do overtime the CSA will take this into account if it's regular. One last thing, if you pay into a private pension then this is taken off your net (so if you're putting away £100 a month then this will come off your assessable income making the maintenance slightly less.)

Bear in mind that any overpayment you make prior to a CSA case being opened by either party cannot later be recovered. I have heard of people making large lump sum payments of thousands of pounds to the ex, on the understanding that ex will accept these payments as covering maintenance for the future, then literally the next day the ex rings up the CSA, opens a case, and gets maintenance paid on top of the lump sum. For this reason I would advise getting a proper maintenance agreement of some sort in place ASAP. I would also (slightly off the topic of maintenance) advise you to contact the bank immediately to put a stop to your ex using your card as she pleases, as this is bound to cause trouble.

Like I've already said, you are only at the start of a long process. You're trying to do the right thing which is great, and now I think you need to make sure you get as much advice as possible to ensure things are done properly for the future. Keep records right now of everything you are paying and above all else please keep in touch with your kids, even if the other parent tries to make it difficult - this is the most important advice I can offer.

AnotherDad

Hi,

Thanks for that

Sure i`m going to the Law Center tomorrow to seek advice about the kids, finance and any options i have for legal aid. I have a few questions to ask but i will certainly raise the issue about the maintenance agreement. I`ll be honest, with the way things have gone in the last week i wouldn`t be surprised if trying to get a separation deed, mediation and agreement of maintenance will be extremely hard. So far just sorting out the disconnection of the broadband she has already raised the kids and house sale into the equazion threatening me that i don`t have PR etc for my own children. I`m disappointed with her for this but i think it might be time to go the CSA route but make sure i get all the rights i can to the children before ceasing the shopping etc. At the end of the day if she wants to make it this hard why should i give her any more, she will receive less money through the CSA and it`ll be harder for her than it needs to be. I don`t want to get a divorce now but i get the impression she will just try and push me and not come to agreements unless it`s completely on her terms.

Hope tomorrow`s meeting goes well!

Cheers,

Mojisola

AnotherDad wrote: »

Yup i`m the father on both certificates, she has thrown it at me that because it was done before Dec 2003 (August 2003) i don`t have PR for my eldest. That hurts alot to be threatened with that, especially as it`s so early into the separation and the kids need us to both give them all the time we have.

She's wrong about this. As mrsspendalot says - if you were married, you both have PR for the children, even if you got married after the birth of the child.

AnotherDad

Hi,

Yeah i`m pretty sure your right about that, i`m the father but i know from what you guys have said / read about that she can make life hard with seeing the kids and their`s not a great deal i can do about it.

Went to the Law Center today. The whole conversation was primarily focussed around bankruptcy. I`m surprised it was their initial idea but going through the amount of debt etc it might be the only option. I need to figure out how to come to a decision on all the options etc i have given. Another was to look at trying to recover debt that i can prove went into the relationship etc through divorce but again these are all things that would cost alot and i just cannot afford it at present.

Another day eh!

missbunbury

AnotherDad wrote: »

Hi,

Yeah i`m pretty sure your right about that, i`m the father but i know from what you guys have said / read about that she can make life hard with seeing the kids and their`s not a great deal i can do about it.

Went to the Law Center today. The whole conversation was primarily focussed around bankruptcy. I`m surprised it was their initial idea but going through the amount of debt etc it might be the only option. I need to figure out how to come to a decision on all the options etc i have given. Another was to look at trying to recover debt that i can prove went into the relationship etc through divorce but again these are all things that would cost alot and i just cannot afford it at present.

Another day eh!

Glad to hear you're getting advice and support. ear in mind that if you do end up bankrupt, this will not have an effect on maintenance payments if the csa are involved - they simply look at your income and work out a percentage. You would then have to advise the receiver of this and they should work it all out so that your maintenance is paid as a priority. If there is no csa liability then they may try to say you are not technically required to pay any maintenance, which presumably won't help with the ex. More and more I am thinking you are going to end up going down the csa route, which is a shame as it can cause stress on both sides, but at least that way you can show the ex that you are doing your bit as required by law, I suppose. Keep us updated anyway.

AnotherDad

Hi,

Sure, will do. It`s just hard to figure out through all the options etc what the best course of action will be. It`s such a fine balance and no matter which way it goes she will be hard to co-operate with. CSA might be the only real option, with recent discussions i cannot guarantee that she will try to pull a stunt at a later date, at least i`m covered if she does.

Cheers,