Advise re holiday vs prom with stroppy teen

HappyEnough

Hi there
I would be really grateful for your opinions/advise as I really really not sure what to do for best.

On monday, after many many many attempts at making sure he really wanted to come, I booked our first family holiday for seven years. I have seven kids and now finally only 3 are 16 and under we could finally afford to go somewhere hot, as the older teens would rather do anything other than come away with us oldies...

I booked it for the day after my ds (16) officially leaves school, at the end of June. I checked that he would definately have left, so not missing exams etc. BUT, silly me, I didnt think to check the date of his Prom.

You can guess whats coming:eek:my DS end of school life Prom is smack bang in the middle of our holiday. And now he doesnt want to come. Apparently its really important to him (and his girlfriend no doubt had a thing or two to say about it) and he would rather stay behind.

Now I wont allow him in the house alone - parties/facebook/etc all spring to mind - and so ive told him he must stay at his father's flat in london for the duration of our holiday, returning here to kent only for the night of the prom, and then quick smart on the train back to london the following morning. Ive explained his father will be at work so he will be sat, alone, in a flat with nothing but an x-box for company until evening comes. Ive tried explaining that its daft to forgoe a holiday in the sun, for a whole week, all for the sake of maybe four hours of partying.
The travel company will not refund the airline costs as travelling with easyjet so will loose £91 - when i have been saving for this holiday for almost three years.

I guess i really want youre advise as to whether im being unfair, or whether i should stand my ground and insists he comes?

Thank you all

Plans_all_plans

Difficult one!! Does your son have a part time job? If so, say he can stay behind if he pays you the £91 it's costing you.

When did he find out the date of the prom? Was it after you'd booked or did he know but just not mention it? If it was the former, I'd be more inclined to let him stay behind than if it was the latter.

HappyEnough

Thank you for replying!! DS does not yet have a part time job, but im working on it! And he only found out the date of the prom last night from a friend on facebook, I rang the school today for confirmation and yes, it is while we are away.

I guess if im honest I have this idealistic picture in my head of a perfect family holiday, with the kids all getting on, no arguments and my husband and I enjoying their company while spending quality time together. The actual picture will probably be kids rowing as usual, my DH being bored as my dd is 14 and youngest ds is only 12, and husband wishing he was at home watching the football!!

peachyprice

Would he have time between now and June to save up for a return flight for the night of the prom and back to holiday destination the next day? That may be cheaper than cancelling his ticket.

MX5huggy

There is no point forcing him to come, will just spoil the holiday, you have told him the alternative let him do that. After my GCSE's I walked the coast to coast path (190miles) with 5 mates, I now know my mum was worried sick by this.

ema_o

Depending what your DS is like, I'd be inclined to think if you force him to come you will have to contend with him sulking all holiday. If that is the case the £91 is a relatively small amount to lose rather than forcing him to come and not enjoy himself, and potentially affect the holiday for the rest of you.

I know at that age family holidays (for me) weren't the top priority and something like the prom would have been far more important. The week with only X box for company may sound even more appealing to him than the holiday (no offense to you!)

Only other thought is can you trust him not to stay at yours while you're away, and even if he only stays the prom night is he likely to have a party then?

joeblack066

I think you need to let him stay for his Prom, he will only resent you if you don't. Make sure he has all his choices clear thereby letting him make an informed chice himself, and make sure he understands that once this decision is made, there is no going back, regardless of changes ie girlfriend dumping him etc. x

HappyEnough

Thanks for the replies. MX5huggy i know you are right, forcing him to do something he really now doesnt want to is a recipe for disaster. I guess best to lose £91 than lose my relationship with him!!! I suppose ive wasted more somewhere over the years! And yes i should think your poor mum WAS worried sick! Thats what we are good at you know, worrying

HappyEnough

oooooh, you are all right, gosh i wish they were all still little!

MrsE_2

MX5huggy wrote: »

There is no point forcing him to come, will just spoil the holiday, you have told him the alternative let him do that. After my GCSE's I walked the coast to coast path (190miles) with 5 mates, I now know my mum was worried sick by this.

I'm with this, I would let him stay home & miss out.

If you booked a package then you will only loose the deposit for him if you cancel won't you?

Still cheaper than paying the rest of his balance & him moaning the whole holiday.

MrsE_2

ema_o wrote: »

Only other thought is can you trust him not to stay at yours while you're away, and even if he only stays the prom night is he likely to have a party then?

DO NOT let him stay at home:eek::eek::eek: