17yr old wasting his life

Gillyx

If he's depressed/down about it all, I highly doubt taking all money/food away is the ideal solution.

Be supportive, get him to apply for any jobs out there at the moment even part time, just to get him out to work. Then maybe he can think about reassessing the situation in a years time to maybe go back to college.

Speaking from a point of view, I dropped out of university and theres not a day went by where I don't regret it

rozmister

I know people have already mentioned it but Connexions can be really good. They helped me to get help from a youth services organisation who are probably the only reason I have a good quality of life today. They'd be a really good place to start.

jackieb

Gillyx wrote: »

If he's depressed/down about it all, I highly doubt taking all money/food away is the ideal solution.

Be supportive, get him to apply for any jobs out there at the moment even part time, just to get him out to work. Then maybe he can think about reassessing the situation in a years time to maybe go back to college.

Speaking from a point of view, I dropped out of university and theres not a day went by where I don't regret it

I agree, that's why I asked how he was acting.

My son has dropped out of college and I found a blog he did, that he doesn't know I know about, and it's sad reading about how he's regretted things that he hasn't done in the past. But it's been encouraging to see him being so positive about starting the Prince's Trust course.

As long as my family weren't taking advantage of me, i'd never throw them out. If I have room for them then they always have a home here. Is it normal to turf your children out when they reach 17?

Gillyx

jackieb wrote: »

I agree, that's why I asked how he was acting.

My son has dropped out of college and I found a blog he did, that he doesn't know I know about, and it's sad reading about how he's regretted things that he hasn't done in the past. But it's been encouraging to see him being so positive about starting the Prince's Trust course.

As long as my family weren't taking advantage of me, i'd never throw them out. If I have room for them then they always have a home here. Is it normal to turf your children out when they reach 17?

I'm 22 and about to take the step of moving in with my boyfriend and my dad sat me down the other night and said that I'd always have a home here and if things didn't work out don't be scared to come back etc.

I honestly don't know any parents who would throw there child out. 17 or older.

juliethemuse

my 2 boys are the same, aged 19 and 21, the 21 yr old has learning difficulties, but i'm sometimes so exasperated with the pair of them i could scream,
i wouldnt turf either of them out though, but i can relate to how you feel , neither of them can get a job, and my 21 yr old dropped out of college too,
i'm going to take a look at the princes trust link, i'll get those 2 motivated if it kills me,:)

jackieb

juliethemuse wrote: »

my 2 boys are the same, aged 19 and 21, the 21 yr old has learning difficulties, but i'm sometimes so exasperated with the pair of them i could scream,
i wouldnt turf either of them out though, but i can relate to how you feel , neither of them can get a job, and my 21 yr old dropped out of college too,
i'm going to take a look at the princes trust link, i'll get those 2 motivated if it kills me,:)

There's also the Duke of Edinburgh's award. http://www.dofe.org/en/content/cms/Doing_your_DofE/What_is_a_DofE_prog/What_is_a_DofE_prog.aspx

pupsicola

If he is a very shy and nervous person he may just be feeling overwhelmed by being out in the big wide world and coping as an adult. High schools do their best to prepare students for college or applying for work but it can still come as a shock and be daunting to them.

My parents rasied me to be confidant and self assured, as I am sure you have done with your son. But I can still remember feeling very similar to how your son does now, at his age.

Encourage him to talk through his feelings and to have a really good think about what interests him and which career he would like to work towards being in. If he can look further to the future and get on a course that would help him achieve that he may be more dedicated to his studies.

If he were in his twenties and behaving like this I would suggest taking a more hard line with him. At 17 though he just needs some extra support and guidance. Is there someone he really looks up to that could have a bit of a chat with him. We all know you will talk sense to him but hearing your parents telling you to apply yourself doesn't always wash with a teen. I dont mean any offence by this. My older brother who was a high achiever talked things through with me and made me see sense and Im not sure my parents would have had the same effect.

KME91

When I dropped out of college at 18, my parents sat me down and told me that I would continue to be fed and welcome to live there as long as I either took up other education or made an effort and found a job. If i was going to sit around the house all day doing nothing i could do it somewhere else. It was quite motivating, cos i really thought she meant it! (she didn't apparently but didn't tell me that til much later) It took me just over 2 months from walking out of college to starting my job. that was over ten years ago though and i guess things are a bit different at the moment. I had been working part time through school and college too and still had those jobs so i wasn't completely unemployed.

molly22

i'm overwhelmed by all the responses ive had.

so glad im not on my own and lots of u seem to understand just how im feeling.
sooo exasperated.

son was bullied halfway through year 8 and didnt cope very well so i went to appeal at what i thought was a good school (which hasnt done a lot for him) and he seemed much happier there. he also took up karting as a hobby (through the school) and we all got involved and enjoyed touring the country many weekends of the year.
his bedroom is full of trophies for his achievements.
he also did ok in his GCSE's
A-maths
A-science
B-geography
C-cdt
C-science (double award)
C-ict
C-english (resit nov)

he missed out getting into our local dedicated (well reputed)sixth form college, as we are just out of zone so he needed extra grades compared to the in zone kids - 4xB's and 2xC's (getting 2 A's in his best subjects didnt seem to count)
so he remained at his schools sixth form, but then couldnt do geography AND maths so picked biology as one of his subjects which he had never liked!
he didnt really work at school which is why i say he's a bright lad.
he dropped one subject at a time and eventually gave up by march.
he then secured a place at another college to do an engineering level 3 diploma in the following sept, he lasted 4 weeks. boring and college full of chavs.
now he has decided he wants to be a lorry driver but cant til he is 21! im sure he thought of that so he could have another 4 years off!

im very stressed:(

i hear u all saying about 'no money' and i dont, but he doesnt do anything or go anywhere really.
he has sold his gaming wheel and is about to sell his xbox. (to have some money)
i have just insured a car for him to drive just to give him a taste of what freedom can be like. i have told him it will disappear if he doesnt get a job or return to college (which isnt that easy at this time of year), so im sure that should be a great motivation.

he is quite immature in some ways amd in others he could run the country!!!

help!!

molly:(

molly22

bigblackdog wrote: »

can he find a bird?

im sure that would be a great help!
but i really think that is something he definitely has to do without his mothers help!!
thanks for your advice.
molly:o