17yr old wasting his life

molly22

my darling son has stopped going to college and isnt making any effort to get a job. he is a bright kid, but very shy and nervous.
any ideas how to get him motivated?

thanks
molly

bigblackdog

can he find a bird?

p00pieb0tt0m

Hi, my brother did the same at 17.
Mum did the following:

Completely cut off all money to him
Gave him list of things to do around house everyday
Made sure he was up and dressed before she went to work
Bought in minimum amount of food so if he had friends around there wasn't anything for them

He got really very angry and threatened to join the army(used it as a threat), he'd never mentioned that he wanted to before, so Mum told him they(Mum and Dad) would go with him to sign up as the army would need their permission. He changed his mind.

Started looking for job very soon afterwards, he wanted to be out with his friends, and without his 'pocket money' he couldn't do very much.

Hope this helps, if you can't do all the above at least cut off money, and make such no-one gives in to him.

soupdragon10

Does he have any idea what he wants to do with his life i.e. career etc.

It might be worth seeing if he can get an appointment to see someone from the careers service (or equivalent) in your area, as they might know of short courses that would help him to gain confidence, take some qualifications and hopefully move on with his life.

Alternatively see if his former college offer careers guidance to their students, as it may be that the course he was on wasn't right for him, and by talking to someone he might be able to get a better idea of what is available, and what might suit him.

If he doesn't want to talk to anyone direct he could look at the Connexions Direct website http://www.connexions-direct.com/ he could also find out more about services local to you.

nearlyrich

My view is over 16 education is voluntary but if you are old enough to make a decison to leave education you are old enough to support yourself financially so I would not be giving him any cash and I would say by mid Feb I want £60 per week board from you. Tough love....

mandi

molly22 wrote: »

my darling son has stopped going to college and isn't making any effort to get a job. he is a bright kid, but very shy and nervous.
any ideas how to get him motivated?

thanks
molly

Whatever you do resist the temptation to give him any money .

It won't be easy but he has to realise that he's now in the real world .

property.advert

Isn't it about time he left home ?

soupdragon10

With the job situation at the moment I suspect that he would struggle to find a job having dropped out of his course (you do not mention how he did in his GCSE's but do mention that he is bright so hopefully he has some qualfications).

At 17 he would find it difficult getting housing, registering as homeless would be very difficult, though not impossible, and consequently would struggle to get benefits such as JSA.

If the Princes Trust operate in your area http://www.princes-trust.org.uk/need_help.aspx they have a 12 week personal development programme which can help young people who lack confidence, aren't sure what they want to do, and want to make a change in their lives.

Young people can get depressed about their situation too - don't discount the idea that he may have concerns that he doesn't feel able to verbalise and this is why he seems demotivated.

Vaila

You might want to find out why he dropped out of college first. Is he depressed,was he bullied?

He can always return to education, but you need to get him motivated to do so first
Things like volunteering ,taking up a hobby or blogging can all be beneficial

I would also get him to address what his goals are and how he will go about achieving them,to put things in perspective

Lucy1973

p00pieb0tt0m wrote: »

Hi, my brother did the same at 17.
Mum did the following:

Completely cut off all money to him
Gave him list of things to do around house everyday
Made sure he was up and dressed before she went to work
Bought in minimum amount of food so if he had friends around there wasn't anything for them

He got really very angry and threatened to join the army(used it as a threat), he'd never mentioned that he wanted to before, so Mum told him they(Mum and Dad) would go with him to sign up as the army would need their permission. He changed his mind.

Started looking for job very soon afterwards, he wanted to be out with his friends, and without his 'pocket money' he couldn't do very much.

Hope this helps, if you can't do all the above at least cut off money, and make such no-one gives in to him.

A family member is going thru the same thing and these are the things we suggested to her. Re the last sentence about cutting off pocket money,this is hard because he and all his friends do nothing but play world of warcraft....he's just turned 18.

jm2926

Lucy1973 wrote: »

A family member is going thru the same thing and these are the things we suggested to her. Re the last sentence about cutting off pocket money,this is hard because he and all his friends do nothing but play world of warcraft....he's just turned 18.

If he's not contributing to the house, then I'd turn off the Internet - or at the very least restrict it to a couple of hours a night. No internet=no WOW.