Real life MMD: Should SIL help with fuel?

moh1962

Depends.
1..will she be doing some off the driving
2. if on the odd occasion she wants to go somewhere different to you will she have the option to use the car and you use local transport.

oldnewhand

Of course as many have said everything needs to be agreed at the beginning. The first question is was she invited and how was that worded was it an offer of a holiday or of companionship.. or did SIL invite herself? If the latter, she certainly should pay her third. If it was an offer of companionship - maybe she had been bereaved or a relationship had ended, it would be fair if she offered to contribute her third but if she was offered the holiday there is less obligation but dependent upon the relative financial circumstances of the individuals a contribution would show gratitude.
Not all extended family holidays should have shared financial arrangements - when I lost my mother I wanted us to have a family holiday so included my children and grandchildren in decision making and paid for flights villa 2 cars; they paid for their own passports and we mucked in with food shopping not a even split as there was us as a couple, family of 4 and single son but no one felt hard done by. We all have happy memories brought about by a sad occasion, money wasn't the priority on this occasion.

cat4772

Definitely talk about this beforehand but I guess I'd give her the choice; if she expects to benefit from the car she should pay her 1/3 share otherwise she should research public transport.

A decade ago we went on holiday with friends who at the last minute hired a car for a week and expected us to pay for 50% but would only go places they wanted to visit. this led to a lot of bad feeling especially as we refused to contribute more than the 1 day's hire we'd benefited from.

Last year we went away with SIL and BIL and they decided to hire a car the second week. We discussed places to visit etc and everthing was agreed in advance which meant no bad feeling and everyone happy with the arrangement.

Good luck and I hope you are all still friends after the holiday .

Cat.xx

Ntshe

She should pay her share of the transport costs, 1/3, as I have a friend who always says, after I paid , I could have paid for that.

Katie-Kat-Kins

This is a touring holiday a car is pretty essential to the trip (they will be staying in different places on the route) many seem to think this is a fortnight at the beach where one person decides a car would be nice so they can explore more.

If a car isn't hired how does the SiL propose to get from place to place?

The route must have been agreed as the hotels have been booked.

JoannaS_3

JuBarney wrote: »

It surprises me that he still has a wife if he is this worried about sharing his car on holiday .... unless .... he is broke and his SIL is loaded.

It's not about sharing the car! It's going to be very expensive so it's only FAIR to share the costs, even if he can afford to pay for her, why should he? She shouldn't have agreed to do the trip if she can't afford all apects of it!

JoannaS_3

budkin wrote: »

What a mean spirited lot you all are!!!
if you were all friends then yes, each should pay an equal share, but this person is a family member, and on her own, and you would be hiring a car and fueling it anyway
Do you make a charge to your famiy members who join you at christmas?
if she should offer to contridute, then hopefully you will be gracious enough to refuse the offer
where does your wife stand in all of this, if my hubby wanted to charge my sister for ocupying a seat in a car that we were hiring anyway i would have something to say to him

So beacuse she is family she gets to go on a trip she wouldn't have done alone and not pay fairly for it? If my husband wanted to charge my sister for 'occupying a seat' for a trip down the road then fair enough I'd have something to say but this is a long road trip so of course she should pay her share sister or not! You're also assuming that the brother in-law and sister can afford to pay for her which is an oversight as I doubt he would be asking the question if he could afford it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JoannaS_3

euterpe13 wrote: »

Don't be so cheap - you're a couple, she's alone - be a bit generous here

Someone else assuming that they can afford it!!!! For pete's sake what ever happened to people looking after themselves and paying their way?! Stange concept I know!!!!

JoannaS_3

brewerdave wrote: »

ALL the costs of the holiday should be split three ways - she's not doing it to help you out in any way. Just tell her what her share of the care hire etc is. .... and make it clear that she will have to fill the tank with gas every third stop.

My thoughts exactly.....

TBagpuss

I think it is essential that you dioscuss this with her in advance - if she has assumed that tyou were paying (as you would be had she not come) then she may be upset to suddenly be asked to pay, similarly if you feel she ought to contribute and she doesn't, you will feel aggrieved.

Why not have a general discussion about the holiday generally - you can discuss things such as whether you'll all be named drivers for the car, and whether everyone is comfortable driving abroad or not, whether you expect to do everything together (e.g. you wife & sister wanting to go off for a sister's meal together, or you & your wife wanting to have a meal together), whther you want to start a kitty for expenses such as petrol, meals etcor just pay as you go.

As part of that conversation you can bring up the issue of the fuel etc.

I persoanlly think that it is fair for her to make a contribution BUT as she will probably have paid more than you for her hotel rooms (as most rooms are sold by the room, not by the number of occupants) it would be a nice gesture if you offered to pay a bit more(maybe suggest she pays 1/4?)

If you feel that's unfair or you can't afford it then you should each pay 1/3 - there is no way you can justify asking her to pay 1/2, that would mean she was in effect subsidising you & your wife!