A 13 year old loner

anxious_mum

Can I just say, all of those names above are 'allegedly'. I don't want any lawsuits, lol

warehouse

Your son sounds exactly like my Nephew, yet he's a lovely lad and I love spending time with him. You have had some excellent advice concerning aspergers. My own thoughts on what you've described are that there are extrovert kids, could your son simply be the opposite, an introvert? Nothing wrong whatsoever in enjoying your own company.

mkaibear

bluebells wrote: »

Hello all i really need someone to talk to that doesnt know my son

heres the story, when my son first started school he was bullied and i had to change schools, things werent much better but were ok, i started to notice that he never spoke about anyone in school. In year 1 he was targetted by certain boys who made his life hell, the teacher was useless (and she was subsequently sacked) when he was doing his SAT's in Y2 someone finally listened to me and they were under the impression he was dyslexic but this has never been proved

In Junior school he was again taunted by these boys i complained and it stopped for a while, but resumed again, when he was in y6 my ex had an affair and left but we worked together to support the children even now this hasnt changed.

In high school his social skills were very poor and would not mix with any of the children and went to the "Safe Room" he loved this room but i was worried because he seemed to prefer to be there than mixing with other children, he just wants to be alone

In October we moved house to a better place and new schools, I have just come back from a meeting with Inlusion support within his new school and they are concerned that he doesnt mix and prefers to work alone , he loves writing stories and this he is starting to do in class which is very concerning

My son is a very lovable and sensitive lad he loves to be in his room writing or reading but im concerned that this maybe his comfort zone, he loves transformers and has lots which he carefully looks after its like an obsession the same as his notebooks

I dont want him to be a loner i want to help him, ive tried the usual clubs but he just goes for a couple of weeks and then looses interest

Ive also noticed that he panics in crowds and when things are too noisy

Any ideas anyone ?

Good grief, it's me, 20 years ago! (well, 19 years ago

Hid in the nurse's office with "stomach problems". Didn't like spending time with other children, preferred to spend time on my own, reading. Loads of reading. Mildly obsessive-compulsive as well (which irritiates my wife no end - because it manifests itself in "making sure all the pen lids are lined up with the writing on the pen", rather than "making sure the house is tidy")

I didn't make friends properly till I was about 13, 14. I joined the Scouts and had a fairly torrid time of it but stuck it out because my parents wanted me to and ended up sort of enjoying it.

I didn't really come out of my shell till I got to university.

To be honest, your son just sounds like an introvert to me - nothing wrong with him, just finding his place in the world. He'll find people to relate to soon enough and then will start to blossom.

Maybe you should try some of the "non-usual" clubs? Something a bit different? Something boys his age don't "normally" do - because that might be what he wants to do, even if he doesn't realise it yet...

Dancing? Find a ceroc class or scottish dancing class - ones where you're taught the moves so you can be a complete beginner.

Wargaming? Take him down to the local Games Workshop (if you can stand the smell of sweaty unwashed teenagers - and I speak as one who *was* a sweaty unwashed Games Workshopping teenager).

Most importantly, relax. Don't worry too much. Keep an eye on him in case he becomes a recluse and refuses to go out at all, or any other signs of depression, etc - and if you must then find someone else to speak to him, maybe a child psych or someone, or possibly just an adult who likes transformers - just so you can see how he interacts with non-related people.


...In case you're wondering I'm now a manager, dealing with people all the time (albeit mostly IT people!), I have a good number of close friends, am married, and still enjoy wargaming and dancing.

Hope this helps.

bluebells_2

Thanks for your input

Its what i said to my Partner last night , if he was unhappy about things we would see, but he says he is happy in fact since a fall out before christmas when we got him talking about his feelings because of the divorce he seems a lot more content

Its just what the school said that bugged me that he was writing down things in his book which actually turned out to be pupils names so that he could remember them and use the name as a character in one of his stories. Ive explained some things to him this morning so i hope he gets on ok today, he has a rehearsal in Drama for a part in Aladin so who knows what could happen