The "good" break up - can it be done?

Nottoobadyet

ford_prefect wrote: »

Speaking as a male who still has boxes of junk kicking about in several places it may be more of a case that he simply hasnt binned the old stuff.

Well said :rotfl: He's often given photo albums (full of pictures he's picked out and had printed) as gifts, which is what made me think of the idea, but it sounds like the general consensus it that the scrapbook deal is a dud!

Pee

I've stayed freinds with all of my ex boyfriends and would be pleased to see any of them, whether we were together for a very short period or for longer. I have three serious exes, one of about eighteen months when I was 16 or so and who I split up with because I did not want to get married, one of about nine months who I split up with because I didn't want to commit and one of about seven years which was due to issues involving his drinking. The ex from the last relationship died about two years ago. We had split up about three years before that. I would say that it took two years before we were really friends. Before that I was trying to help him and he was trying to get back with me, but we weren't friends. I am pleased to say that before he died we were real friends. I don't think there is any easy or quick way of doing this and one of the hard steps forward is when one or other of you becomes involved in a new relationship, especially if that person then changes their views on marriage, children, where they want to live. You might think that you will never change your mind about such important things, and that neither will he, but I have seen it happen.

The other big issue is how will a future partner of yours feel about a very close relationship with your ex. You may think this is desirable at the moment, but such freindships can be very threatening to other people, especially if they don't like your ex, maybe because they are too similiar in character, or too completely different in outlook.

In my opinion the fairest way to proceed is not to have some special exclusive freindship but to see them and get on with them just as you would anyone else in your circle of friends. Being in another country that might mean, yes, have them on Facebook, and then be gentle with what photographs might be seen of new relationships and friendships.

Nottoobadyet

Wow, Pee, thank you very much for your post. Its very helpfull and has given me a lot to think about.

Eric_Pisch

set him up with your best looking friend or even better your sister, he will forget you in a week

Schwade

Tell the absolute truth and don't give excuses. Dont need to be hurtful but the truth needs to come out. That's about it with break-ups.

Nottoobadyet

Eric_Pisch wrote: »

set him up with your best looking friend or even better your sister, he will forget you in a week

Ha, you havent met my sister, mate :-) I wouldnt put my worst enemy through that...

Stephb1986_2

I think that it's nice that you've both decided together that this is how you're going to end it rather than it being in a big hissy fit and being nasty to eachother if only all unsuitable relationships ended instead of all the heartache you get.

It's nice that you will probably be able to stay friends.

I do have an ex well I say an ex we were together for a while we never had sex or anything like that we were more mates than anything else, we still talk to each other every so often. Which is nice that we can still be friends.

I think that when you go to your new job that will definatley make you have a lot more time to think about things.

Steph xx

nick323f

Of couse everyone is different and every relationship is different so what helps for me may be miles of the mark for you.
The feeling of love is very strong, sometime in order to off set this and move on it is necessary to explore negative feelings like resentment and even hatred. It can be an important way of letting go.
That's not to let these statices get the better of you. But just enough to reset your internal balance and so reach a neutral place quicker

Best wishes with it all. I'm also going through a brake up at the moment. These are never easy periods