Advice on son's constant crying

mrcow

Do you think that maybe changing your language may help a bit?

My daughter can't hear the word "no". She finds it upsetting. None of us really like hearing it.

Perhaps rather than "no" you could say something like "Oo, we don't have time for that because we have to .......(insert activity that you'll do when you get home)"

That way, you're turning a negative into something to look forward to.

paulofessex

mrcow wrote: »

Do you think that maybe changing your language may help a bit?

My daughter can't hear the word "no". She finds it upsetting. None of us really like hearing it.

Perhaps rather than "no" you could say something like "Oo, we don't have time for that because we have to .......(insert activity that you'll do when you get home)"

That way, you're turning a negative into something to look forward to.

That was what l was going to mention...avoid using the word 'no' as he gets older he will be better able to understand the meaning and word no.

thatgirlsam

my boy is 5 and a bit of a cry baby.. don't mean that too sound horrid (have never called him that to his face)

i used to try and get him to stop crying but i was told recently that telling/persuading boys to stop crying means encouraging them to bottle up their emotions which is quite unhealthy.. and gives them the view that boys and men shouldn't cry

since then i don't tell him off for crying but i still do try and divert his attention elsewhere

what are others thoughts about this?

jackieglasgow

I thinks its healthy to let them cry, and my boys are encouraged to cry if they feel the need if they are genuinely sad or upset, but as I said before the youngest one is told not to cry if he's doing it to avoid getting into trouble - which he will try on now and again, or if he is just whingeing to get his own way. I think I would be the very same if they were girls.

jackieglasgow

I don't agree with not using the word no, I think children need to know what it means, and know its a definite answer.

beckseven

Thanks-I'll have a go at thinking of some imaginative alternatives to 'no'!Tomorrow we've got a bit of time on our own without his sister so we can do some homework together uninterupted (he's at the age where homework is still fun!) so i'll use that as an incentive. I must admit that I'm getting so irritated with the crying fits that I can be quite annoyed when he starts up 'I hate you, I don't want to go home i want to go to someone else's house etcetc' The thing is once I get him home he is absolutely fine but it's when you mention changing activity that he gets annoyed. yesterday he had to leave his friends house to go to his swimming lesson and he said 'I hate swimming i don't want to go' but I know he does like swimming and he really enjoyed his lesson. it's getting to the stage where I don't want him to go and play with his friends because of the trauma of picking him up!

beckseven

The crying he does in these outbursts is different to when he is genuinely sad or upset or hurt-it's almost like a bad habit. I don't mind him crying but i do when he uses it as a weapon if you see what I mean. I've counted and on bad days he has cried 20-25 times!

thatgirlsam

beckseven wrote: »

The crying he does in these outbursts is different to when he is genuinely sad or upset or hurt-it's almost like a bad habit. I don't mind him crying but i do when he uses it as a weapon if you see what I mean. I've counted and on bad days he has cried 20-25 times!

it does sound like a habit.. i have caught my son 'putting it on'

what really annoys me is the ungenuine crying 'sound'.. no tears or anything just the horrid noise that they have to force out as its not coming naturally

i think they have been so used to crying as a reaction to things that its hard to break after so long

Gingham_Ribbon

beckseven wrote: »

The crying he does in these outbursts is different to when he is genuinely sad or upset or hurt-it's almost like a bad habit. I don't mind him crying but i do when he uses it as a weapon if you see what I mean. I've counted and on bad days he has cried 20-25 times!

This sounds exactly like the book describes. It talks about developing skills that they may not have aquired yet such as:

Difficulty handling transitions

Difficulty doing things in a logical sequence or prescribed order

Difficulty mustering the mental energy to persist on challenging or tedious tasks

Poor sense of time

Difficulty reflecting on multiple thoughts or ideas simultaneously

Difficulty maintaining focus for goal-directed problem solving

Difficulty considering the likely outcomes or consequences of actions (impulsiveness)

Difficulty considering a range of solutions to a problem

difficulty expressing concerns, needs or thoughts in words

Difficulty understanding what is being said

Difficulty managing emotional response to frustration in order to think rationally

Chronic irritability or anxiety that significantly impedes the capacity for problem solving.

Difficulty seeing the grays = concrete, literal black and white thinking

Difficulty deviating from rules or routine

Difficulty handling unpredictability, ambiguity, uncertainty, novelty

Difficulty shifting from original idea or solution

Difficulty taking into account situational factors that would suggest the need to adjst a plan

Inflexible

Difficulty attending to or interpreting social cues

Difficulty seeking attention in appropriate ways

Difficulty understand how he's perceived by others

There are more, but you get the idea. There are many reasons a child could be behaving like this, and the biggest point I picked up (and I think it's completely true) is that KIDS DO WELL WHEN THEY CAN. If they're behaving like this it's because they don't know how NOT to.

onlyroz

Tell him to stop being a whinger and send him to his room until he stops.