May 2012 Brides (and Grooms) + Diary of a 2012 Bride

bride2be2012

no, we decided against the golf course because of the lack of accommodation. We've gone for a hotel we went to see a few weeks ago.

MsShopper

Yeah, we opted for a hotel for the same reason. It's just easier if you can nip up to your room to freshen up etc (and not worry about drunken relatives getting home okay!)

retepetsir

We're getting married on May 5th 2012, still frantically planning and trying to keep everyone happy!

MsShopper

Welcome to the thread, retepetsir! Keeping everyone happy - I tried that for a while... Now I think as long as you and your OH are happy, then everyone else should just be happy that you're happy!

How are your plans going aside from that?

retepetsir

We're paying for it all ourselves and have recently purchased our first house together so don't have loads to spend.

Unfortunately keeping everyone happy is where the stress has started . Sorry for the long post...

My fiancee's parents have pretty much refused any of the ideas and suggestions we have made and been negative about all of them (even when we are taking them in to account, and it should be our day after all) so we're changing it all for their sake otherwise they won't actually come, which would devastate my other half.

We would have got married somewhere else other than SE England if we 'hadnt thought about them'.

She's not very happy with them! I'm also not very happy with them and didn't want to budge on 'our' choice, which put her in a difficult situation of me or them. Unfortunately I've backed down as I always seem to do.

They're in their early 50's so not exactly old (my gran is coming and is 84), but have turned their nose up at the original idea which was:

- Civil ceremony for 12 midday at a lovely small victorian house in East Sussex with 20 of our family/close friends. My other half chose this venue after lots of searching so not something we want to change.
- Transport everyone to Brighton (20 minutes away) for a nice meal in a private room of a boutique hotel where everyone can choose what they want to eat and relax.
- Drinks reception afterwards in this boutique hotel for the evening for around 60 people (other family and friends) and then staying overnight in this hotel.

However her parents have said they refuse to travel to Brighton (even though we're paying for them to get down there and back) as they don't like the city. They also don't like the alternative idea of a meal back in our home town (also 20 minutes away) at a restaurant we like, then suggested a reception/buffet for 20 at their house (thanks, but no thanks). They won't come to the drinks reception in the evening and want to go home straight after the meal, so will only go for a meal if its local to the venue or their house! Their house is also only 20 minutes from the venue and around 30 minutes from Brighton. They then said 'why arent you having the meal at the venue then', unfortunately we don't have £2500+ to spend on that option!

They also then made the comment 'why arn't you getting married in Brighton if you want the meal and reception their?'. They don't seem to realise its because we didn't find anywhere there that we liked which was within budget.

So for the sake of an extra journey from Brighton to their home they are refusing to come even though its what we'd truly want to do.

Unfortunately this means its inconvenianced everyone else who is coming as they now then have to go to 3 venues instead of 2 which completely messes up the group transport and timing.

I've given in to the demand as my fiancee was getting so upset over it, but I'm really not happy. It's not what we want, but they won't come if we do anything else and then say its always them that get left out of family events. I wonder why?

Apologies for the rant, but its going to cost us extra time, hassle and ultimately cost and also make it more difficult for everyone else. What upsets me is that they can't 'let it go' just for one day, and ignore the fact that they 'hate Brighton', its not their day.

I'm really not sure what to do.

So currently it's now:

- Midday wedding at a small country venue
- Afternoon meal for wedding party in a nearby location (currently we can only find a couple of pubs, and they're not ideal)
- Travel with the remaining 18 people to Brighton for the evening reception in the hotel

:eek:

sweetsounding

retepetsir wrote: »

So currently it's now:

- Midday wedding at a small country venue
- Afternoon meal for wedding party in a nearby location (currently we can only find a couple of pubs, and they're not ideal)
- Travel with the remaining 18 people to Brighton for the evening reception in the hotel

What a stinker! sorry to hear you've all that to put up with. I'd go with not telling them the full plan, get them to the ceremony and when its over put them on the bus. They'll not know where they're going untill its too late...oh look we're in Brighton.....Deception is a brilliant word. Fight fire with fire. If they don't like it, they can go home :cool:

MsShopper

I'd have to say, in your situation, I'd give sweetsounding's suggestion some serious thought!

You poor things - your OH's parents sound like a right miserable pair. I'm always staggered when I hear of situations like this. Why people can't just be happy and supportive for their loved ones is beyond me...

They've put you in an impossible situation, but I'd really hope you both can find a way to reason with them so that you can stick to your original (and sensible!) plan of having the dinner and the evening reception in the same place. I'm sure it must be very upsetting for your OH to be in conflict with her parents like this, but I have to wonder where it ends if you give in to this? What else will they insist upon, I wonder!

retepetsir

Thank you for you replies. I'm glad I don't sound too unreasonable with my request or ideal plan for our day.

I kept saying to my OH that it's her/our day and don't let them ruin it for her, but they most certainly will (that's my fear) if they decide to not turn up because they don't approve of what we are doing.

Sorry for the rant!

We now wish we hadn't been polite and discussed the details with them, and just went ahead and booked it all up.

We don't really want to move around so much in the day and also have to move our guests around. Some are travelling from quite a distance and yet the OH's parents are less than half an hour away from the 2 venues. My parents are happy for us to do whatever we want...if we decided on Oz they'd follow us and deal with it!

Anyway...I'm now having second thoughts about backing down. I do not want my OH to be disowned by her parents over one day though, so what should we do?

They have also said they don't want to be 'fixed' to certain times. What else do they think a wedding is? I.e they don't want to be put on a mini coach to Brighton at 3, eat from 4 then have a taxi booked for 7 to come home (the only ones going home so we offered to pay for their taxi). Impossible to please as everything is thrown back in our faces!

Thanks for listening anyway, needed to vent .

sweetsounding

I guess you should to sit down with OH and decide what both of you want. Then you might want to sit down with her parents, the four of you, perhaps take them out to dinner/coffee/lunch somewhere else (neutral territory!) and have a talk. Explain that there's nothing more that you want than for them to come your wedding, if they just want to go to the ceremony then thats great and if they want to come and celebrate with a meal afterwards that's great too. They can come with everyone else or get to the venue by themselves. "We'd love you have you there". I guess this is all useless if your OH wants them at the ceremony AND at the dinner. At the end of the day it is for you two and I totally appreciate the distress this can cause. As long as they can both be there for the ceremony, its their loss if they don't want to continue with the celebrations. They will probably look back on it with regret if they don't, so keep to your plans and they'll change their mind (probably change their minds 10 times!) before the wedding and come around to their senses!

retepetsir

I wish that would be the case but unfortunately, having known their actions over the past 6 years, have the feeling that they'll continue to almost act like spoilt children who don't get there way. May sound very harsh but just my thoughts. They wouldn't come out for a meal with us (don't like leaving the house!) but may possibly come round our place again, although for 2 of the last 3 occasions this was planned they cancelled.

Anyway....thanks for the suggestions. I'll have a good chat with the OH and hope she doesn't get too upset.